"We agreed. If I won, you'd marry me someday."
"Why'd you wanna marry me, anyhow?" I ask.
"So, I can do this for the rest of our lives," he stops walking with me in his arms, his radiant blue-green eyes flickering between my eyes and lips as the ons...
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Stay.
The bane of my existence.
I never should've uttered that word.
Nothing happened to make me feel this way.
No words were spoken between us after that.
He removed his shoes and his denim, and he laid down next to me. Not a single part of him was touching me. The silence that followed didn't need to be filled. It was the most comfortable silence. A silence I didn't want broken.
I shut my eyes, listened to the sound of his soothing breaths as they began to even out.
I welcomed the sleep that soon followed. It's the fastest I've fallen asleep in ages.
But then again, I woke up with sweat coating my body before the sun colored our skies. I startled awake from a nightmare about Justin finding out what I had done.
It's my guilty conscious at work. I know it is.
I cheated on the man I love with the man I used to love.
How does a person explain that?
Cheating, no matter how you explain it off, is inexcusable. No one deserves to be cheated on. I didn't plan to cheat on Justin. I didn't think I would ever do something so heinous.
But here we are.
I have no excuses, no reasons, no words to even attempt explaining my deceitful actions. Not even to myself.
I fucked up.
I made a huge goddamn mistake but it's too late. I can't take it back. I can't turn back time and undo everything I've done.
The guilt eating away at my insides feels like maggots eating me from the inside out, but I deserve to feel this way.
I take my car keys from the Alec's bedside table as he snores softly. I try to be quiet, so I don't wake him. My left ankle clicks and cracks followed by my right knee.
Alec's snoring goes quiet, and I freeze mid-sneak. I hold my breath like that would make a difference hoping the soft pitter-patter of my heart doesn't make too much noise.
Right, Telana, like that makes sense. Just 'cause you can hear it loud and clear, doesn't mean the sound can be heard from the outside. It isn't amplified.
Shut it. I don't want to be rational.
That's what got us in this mess in the first place, you irrational dumbo.
Rustling from the bed has me muttering, "shit," before I tiptoe my way out without looking back. The soft click of the bedroom door almost sounds like an echo into the quietness of the hallway, but I don't stop.
My keys clink, jingle, and rattle in my hand before it slips from my grasp, cluttering to the ground. "Fucking hell," I say a little too loudly and I sigh.
