"We agreed. If I won, you'd marry me someday."
"Why'd you wanna marry me, anyhow?" I ask.
"So, I can do this for the rest of our lives," he stops walking with me in his arms, his radiant blue-green eyes flickering between my eyes and lips as the ons...
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In the past, I haven't always dealt with certain things maturely or wisely for that matter.
I always found a way to escape any situation I deemed difficult or emotionally taxing. Off the top of my head, I can name a few situations like moving away from my hometown and leaving everyone and everything I've ever known behind.
Breaking promises to my folks, going no contact with them for months. I refused to visit my parents and I refused to repair damaged friendships.
I tried to sever any ties I may have had to this place but the one tie I could never sever was the one forever linking me to Alec. Try as I might, I couldn't break the bond which has been engraved in the stars for eternity. I couldn't sever the soul tie bounding us together for millennia.
I spiraled into a pit of denial and despair. I've been stuck in that state for years. I kept running, I kept escaping. I was exhausted beyond repair, but I kept fighting to believe I've accomplished to sever our bond.
Justin came along and I believed I won my battle. I believed I slayed my demons. Once I fell for him, I stopped escaping. I stopped fighting. I finally stopped running and I rested.
I could breathe again. I could feel the air travel through my mouth and enter my lungs. I could trace the route the air took into and out of my body.
I was battered and scathed, but I thought I was healed and soon it would show. I would go on to frame my battered and scathed self and wear her like an armor.
Of course, no one knew about the journey I set out on. So, no one knew the difference, but I knew it and that's the most important person to know it. Myself.
In that time, I found out who Telana Ellis was without Alec McCleod. I found myself except what I didn't know at the time was a huge chunk of me was missing.
It took years for me to find her but once again I didn't realize I found her 'cause denial is a place inside my head and my heart. It's a place I made a home out of.
It's my comfort zone. It's where I go when the truth is hard to swallow. I don't escape anymore, I don't run. I avoid. I hide until I can sort through the five-thousand-piece puzzle that is my thoughts.
I return to where I'm most comfortable. It's a weakness I can't shake. It's a flaw I can't change.
It took me so long to see I'm foolishly and utterly still in love with Alec. It took me even longer to acknowledge it. Now that I have, I don't want to give up on him.
He might not want to talk to me, but I won't stop until he hears the truth. Until I tell him my truth. I won't stop fighting for us. Not this time.
Justin kissing me wasn't what it looked like, and I need Alec to know that.
I need him to know there will always be a special place in my heart for Justin and I'll always love him no matter what. He fixed a heart which he didn't break. He scavenged all the pieces and put them back together again – no not like Humpty Dumpty. He healed my heart and kept it safe.
