Embracing my Serotonin

Chapter 30

Where the fuck is that book.It's almost half an hour while looking for the book that i must read for the upcoming examination. It contains all the handouts and pointers in my subjects and what made me really frustrated was the thought of losing it without even reading a single page damn it.

"Where the hell did you hide yourself you little shit."

I'm sure I just left it in this side. I was aggressively scanning every book in the shelf , i don't think i'll missed out.

"Are you looking for this?."

I was stunned when i saw the woman leaning sideways while raising the book that i was looking for. How come na nasa kanya yan? I composed myself infront of her without showing my emotion.

"Yeah, that's it.", I walked towards Miss Alex and i slowly grabbed the book she was holding in her palm. I didn't waste a single glance. It's been a couple of weeks and this is the first time we talked ever since what happened in her wedding anniversary.

I turned my back and was about to go when she suddenly hold my wrist that made me divert my eyes to her. I stared at her hands a couple of seconds before staring directly at her eyes.

"Do you still need something Miss?" I grabbed my hand back to my place while waiting for her responds.

"Should i emphasize with you the basic human manners?" she coldly said. Ah yeah right i forgot.

"You're welcome." i said.

A lot of things really happened for weeks. For weeks, I was being reminded of my place in her life and honestly, it was the worst. I made up my mind and although it takes time, I'm slowly getting rid of my feelings for her. I just realize , it would be useless to assume things that's out of my grasp. Maintaining lines should've been done in the first place.

"Parang sasabog na ata yung utak ko beh. This is so exhausting."

I was silently reading the handouts while listening to Keisha. We're in the library to study together. With the exam fast approaching, a lot of students were spending their time here. We're just thankful we're able to reserved the discussion room in the 3rd floor of this library.

"Holy shit! You didn't forget our plates right?"

I stopped for a bit at tiningnan ito. Why would i forgot that important project? I spent my weeks completing that one. It was undeniably hard.

"I submitted it already." Seeing her reaction, i bet she's surprised. It has never been long since our adviser announced the last requirement before taking our exam.

"Tangina di pa'ko nagsimula. Ang bilis mo naman gumawa!." I chuckled by her sudden out burst.

"There's still a lot of time. Before exam pa naman yung deadline niyan." i nonchalantly said while playing the pen with my fingers.

I feel like my head was moving upside down for containing a lot of information from this book. I'm already familiar to some of it , but familiarizing is not enough. I must master this one.

"Don't you think that's enough Cass? I mean, you should probably treat yourself. For a couple of weeks, sa library kana nakatambay. Since when did you become a bookworm?"

Yeah right, I had been indulged myself into books. Most of it were motivational and wisdom books whenever i have time, some of it were academics. I actually enjoyed a lot. It's peaceful. No miss Alex. Just me time.

"Since I was reincarnated as a disciple of bookworms." i jokingly said to her. Napailing lang ito sakin habang natawa ng bahagya.

"Cass mauna na muna ako ha, may gagawin pa sa bahay eh." I just nod my head and smiled at her.

I was the only one left in my seat now. I'm better off alone. I can focus more. I was silently listing the pointers for me to remember and understand it easily when i heard the door open.

I gazed at the door only to see her walking her way while holding a laptop. Now what is her business with me this time. This discussion room was only good for three person, not too wide nor small.

I didn't mind her presence and just continued my readings. Just what the hell is she up to. I closed my eyes when i cannot concentrate because of her endless typings. Damn does she know that she's disturbing me right now?

I didn't mind the sound that i was creating the moment i rest the pen in the table.
"Could you please be more careful when typing? It's distracting me."

She heaved a sigh before looking at me.
"Then go out." she said while gazing at the door. The hell, ako nauna dito tapos ako pa yung pa alisin.

"I reserved this place. Don't you think you should consider the one studying here professor? Especially when you just suddenly barged in here knowing that this place was already occupied by someone."

I would never be affected by that stares of yours Professor Alex. I trained myself a lot. I would never cracked infront of her.

"Ah right, should i apologize?" she said while still typing at her laptop. Did she not hear what i just said?

"What the fuck?." It must be too late to take back my words when she turn her gaze at me with her eyebrows rosed up.

"Did you just cussed in front of me?"

"Yeah, sorry for the words. Anyways, as I was saying. I think it's better if you find another place Professor." I tried to avoid her serious gaze and just focused on my books.

"It's already full." she boredly said and continued typings. Goodness, should i really share this place with her? For all places why here? Damn it.

With no choice, i continue my readings without minding her. I just visualize my self in a wide space alone, really better than being here.

This is really complex, the design was just plain, how did our adviser manage to say that there's more to learn in this design? It was just full of striking blades that almost feel like were stuck in a century of Murim.

"That's the 24 formation of blades that was discovered in Beijing, China during early 200BC."

I stopped analyzing the page when i heard her voice. I looked at her while her eyes were still looking at the screen of her laptop.

"What are you talking about?" i confusedly said. Did she already read this? Maybe she really read it when i was still looking for this books awhile ago.

"That design. You would simply just find it natural if you consider the traces of blades in the wall , however if you look at the positions, you would know it symbolize a different art."

I was just listening to what she said while looking at the page. She's right...it creates a pyramid in the middle of the wall despite the messy traces of blades. If anyone would see it without considering the position, it would just look normal in the naked eye, however if you analyze the positions, it would be different.

"How did you noticed?" I asked her while looking in her side profile.

I was just looking to her moves when she suddenly closed her laptop and not minding my questions, but before she go. She suddenly say the words that shocked me.

"See me in my office if you want me to tutor you."