Crossing Into Forever

Chapter 40

Ella, we have discussed this before. We will find you a fitting husband. I will not allow the ministry to force you into marrying Mr. Smedley, but my main concern is to keep you safe. As long as you are unmarried, which means your virtue is intact, you are in danger. Ella could immediately feel the hot blush of embarrassment rise up her neck onto her face.

She sat there letting his words sink in, trying to regain her composure, she wiped the tears from her eyes. She knew it was true, but she still held on to hope that somehow, she would be able to get home. In the back of her mind, she was trying to come up with her plan. It was the only thing she could do to help her cope with this, especially since she found out she was being forced to marry someone. Of course, she couldn't let anyone know what her intentions were. She hadn't even told her friends.

"Do you understand Ella?", he asked, looking at her with a questioning look on his face. He cocked his head slightly to the side when he asked, as if he were trying to read her mind. It's like he knew what she was thinking.

"I do".

He thought she had the most defeated look on her face, but he needed to have this talk with her now, because the wedding date was approaching quickly. "Ok, well...let's get on with it, shall we?" with just a hint of regret in his voice.

She couldn't bear to look at him. She just kept her gaze either down at her lap or anywhere else she could focus on, so as to not make it so obvious that she was avoiding his face. She did not want to talk about this, especially with him. This was a most taboo subject when she was growing up. When you grow up in a convent, you are kept away from anything dealing with sex or even reproduction. She barely knew the basics. This was another reason she dreaded this. She didn't want to be chided or laughed at for her lack of knowledge. Hopefully, since he was here in the first place, and obviously knew she was lacking in this subject, he would understand her ignorance and not scoff at her.

He started his talk by asking, "well let's see...why don't we start by you telling me what you know about human reproduction. You are in pre-nursing courses, correct? I'm sure you have had some human anatomy classes

She couldn't help but glance at him with an uncertain look on her face. She was embarrassed to tell him that she had not taken classes on these subjects, as Mother Catherine declared that all pre nursing students under the age of twenty shall not take such explicit courses. She had taken a few human anatomy classes, but none relating to reproduction or sexual functions. She had not even been allowed to take courses on the male urinary system yet. Except for the knowledge of having a period every month and a few other very basic facts, she was mostly clueless. Even her two months this past summer with Millicent had not been very enlightening when it came to the subject. She learned about tampons from Millicent, but that was about as risqué as it got. She couldn't really comprehend exactly how you were supposed to use one of those, but she wasn't interested in finding out, so it didn't matter much. She had been taught all her life that it was wrong to look at parts of the body that were meant to be private. There were very few justifiable reasons to look at or otherwise inspect the parts that you can't openly see, and you certainly don't go feeling around or touching, except in order to wash yourself. If there were a problem that needed to be addressed because of pain or injury, Mother Catherine would see that proper medical care would be arranged. As the sisters got older, certain exams were part of their regular checkups, but Ella didn't know much about that yet. It was all a very hush-hush subject when she was growing up.

She looked at him and was reluctant to answer him. "I...um, I'm not sure..." her words trailed off.

He, picking up on her hesitation, wasn't sure if she was being shy about the subject, or if she knew less than what he even thought. "Ella, have you learned about these things in your classes at the convent?" he asked in an empathetic way, not wanting to embarrass her.