Stay // Johnnie Guilbert

Chapter 3

Warning this chapter contains self harm, and VERY strong language.

Johnnie's pov:

It was now night, and I was still strolling around the neighborhood, in my thoughts. My mom is still at work so I don't have to worry about her wanting me to be home at a certain time.

I was thinking about my past, and how much I miss my dad and just... everything.

I started to feel alone as my thoughts consumed me.

Nothing has been the same since my dad has died. I started to think about how much I hate myself... just everything about me.

I felt a puddle of tears start to form in my eyes, I reached for my phone and took it out of my pocket, not even being able to see the time because of how much my eyes were filled with tears.

10:44 pm

I felt so alone. I wish I had someone to hold in my arms. I know it sounds corny but I feel like I have nobody. But honestly it's the truth.

I felt like hurting myself. It's what I do when I start to get overwhelmed in my thoughts. I know it's not a good thing.. at all obviously, but I keep that thought subconsciously in the back of my head.

Tears began to fall down my cheeks. I lay my head down in my hands, tugging at my hair. Fuck man I just need to go home.

I arrived at the house and ran upstairs, plopping down on my bed.

I looked at the razor blade slightly hidden under a random magazine for a hard minute. I got up and picked it up, lightly sliding my thumb across the cold blade.

I pushed my sleeve up and pressed the blade against my bare skin, squinting my eyes while they form with tears.

I counted for 7 seconds as I slid the blade across my wrist. I took the blade off my skin, watching the blood start to form out the wound. I walked into the bathroom washing off the blood, and wrapped my wrist in a gauze.

I then lay on my bed in the darkness ashamed of myself, until I heard a notification from my phone.

*DING*

-Phoenix: Hey! It was nice to see you today... we should hang sometime? :)

I smiled... like a really big smile.

-Me: Yeah it was nice to see you too! And yeah that sounds cool .

I didn't really know how to respond. But  I hope that was good enough. I never even hung out with a girl before .. oh shit.

*DING*

-Phoenix: Okay cool. How about tomorrow around 7pm at crest wood park?

TOMORROW? I'm gonna shit bricks. Fuck. Okay I don't need to overthink this, well that's all I do. Okay I'm just gonna say that's fine...!

Phoenix's pov:

HOLY SHIT I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT.

*DING*

-Johnnie: Oh okay I'll be there !

THANK GOD. I got scared for a moment. I can't believe I asked him I just couldn't stop thinking about how I've always wanted to be friends with him!

I usually would never do this but I feel like he wouldn't judge me. We dress the same, put on dark eyeshadow and eyeliner, and I know we definitely probably have the same music taste.

No i KNOW for a fact.

I hearted his message and sat on the edge of my bed. I guess I'm gonna go to school tomorrow, it's a way to waste time. I need to catch up on some work.

I turned off my light and crawled in bed closing my eyes. Im honestly quite exited to hang out with Johnnie tomorrow!

The morning

* BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP *

Ughhhh..... oh my fucking god SHUT UP! I slammed my alarm clock to turn it off. I am NOT a morning person. I sat up in my bad and rubbed my eyes.

I began to get ready for school, doing my hair and putting on my dark makeup and my dark clothes as usual.

At school

I was walking through the hallways, until I saw this big group of girls that ALWAYS like to pick on me, and it's so humiliating.

"Ew it's that fucking emo loser!" This one girl snickers, and she says it so fucking loud so EVERYONE can hear. I keep walking, trying to not acknowledge what she's saying.

"She's so ugly and such a weirdo! No wonder she has no friends... I mean look at how she dresses. I could never look such a way." Another girl says.

"BLEHH" says one of the girls as she gestures throwing up. "She is such a lonely loser!"

Tears start to form my eyes and my face turns red. I walk away as fast as I can continuing to hear gossiping and giggles from the group of people in the distance.

I immediately walk into the bathroom and slam one of the stall doors shut, making sure nobody was in the room.

I just hate myself! Why do I out of ALL people have to be treated this way. I think to myself trying to quietly cry.

I reach in my backpack for a pencil sharpener and take out the blade, and quickly pull up my sleeve up and glide it across my skin, as I sob in misery. I watch the blood drip down from my arm as I grab a wad of toilet paper and wrap up my arm.

Why am I this way? I think to myself.

////I hope you guys enjoyed! I will continue to try to post at least 1 new chapter every day!! ///////