Stay // Johnnie Guilbert

Chapter 17

(Warning) this chapter contains self harm!!

Johnnie's pov:

Today was not my day. It was just one of those days where I wanted to rot in bed and do nothing.

I felt really depressed and just not myself.

I don't know why, it just happens to me sometimes.

But it was always like this before I met Phoenix.

She was my bright light, just a whole ray of sunshine.

I stared at the ceiling.

Phoenix was in the shower, and my mom wasn't home.

She usually works late night shifts so she's not home sometimes at night.

I got out of bed and walked up to the mirror.

I stared back at my reflection in disgust.

I hate my teeth.

I hate my face.

I hate my skin.

I just couldn't look at myself anymore.

I walked away and at on the edge of the bed

I don't know how Phoenix could ever be with someone like me.

I looked at my arm.

An arm full of cuts. But I suddenly wanted to add another.

Maybe a few...

Me and Phoenix have been trying to stop, i think she's been doing well, and she's been helping me too.

But there's moments where i just can't take it anymore.

Like right now..

I stood up and bent over, looking under my bed.

I found the small wooden box I hide my razor in.

I opened it and took the razor out with a deep breath.

I held the razor up to my right arm, and slowly started to slide it across my skin.

I hissed at the pain.

I did it again, and one more time.

But then I heard the water from the shower turn off.

Fuck.

I quickly put the razor back in the box and slid it under my bed.

I was bleeding, but I didn't have anything to wipe it up with.

The door opened.

Phoenix was wrapped up in a towel.

She saw the fright in my eyes and then looked at my bleeding arm.

"Oh no baby... let's clean you up please." She frowned.

"O-okay." I said disappointed in myself.

She went into the bathroom and grabbed a rag, and slightly got it wet.

She ran it across my skin, wiping all of the blood off.

She grabbed some bandaids and put them over the fresh cuts.

"What made you do this baby? I am never mad when this happens, just tell me what triggered you please."

I love how patient and reassuring she was with me.

I sat on the bed and sighed.

"I'm listening baby." She said while changing into some clothes.

"I-I just looked at myself in the mirror and I just... don't like anything about my appearance, and I started to question why you are with someone like me." I said looking at the floor.

She turned around with a sad look on her face.

She sat on the bed with me.

"Baby, why would you question that? I'm with you because you are different, you are the most understanding, sweet, loving person I have ever met, and I would never trade that for anything. You are so so so handsome and beautiful, and it's not just about appearances. I love everything about you."

I started to tear up.

She hugged me tightly.

I started to cry while resting my head on her shoulder.

"I love.. - you ... so much" I said in between my cries and sniffles.

"I love you more, but please don't cry babe." She said pulling away from the hug to wipe the tears off my face.

I don't know how I got so lucky.

Hey peopleee, just wanted to write something cute and short today :)