Hateful desires

Chapter 23

Draco POV

What the fuck is she doing to me, it is not the 'Malfoy' way to give someone your sweater, your words. It's weak, I am becoming weak, I can't allow myself, I can't like her, I won't, even though I didn't know how it felt, the only thing I know is that my blood boils whenever I see with any other boy, especially Riddle and Diggory. I would kill them both if they ever laid a finger on her in any way, no one can, only me, for pleasure nothing else.

I paced around mine and Blaise's dorm, thinking about everything and nothing. My mind swished about my family, our reputation and my father, my pig of a father, the one who ruined my childhood, even though I didn't even have one, my mother, who I loved dearly, always agreeing with my father and his definition on everything, even love, that love was a weakness. They didn't love each other, and they never have and never will, I didn't grow up with loving parenting like most did, yes my mother loved me, but never showed me, or anyone, and never treated me with love, never acknowledged me as a kid, always a man, a Malfoy. It was a disgrace to every pureblood to choose love over high class, over superiority, over my family name, and that's the way of living, or that is what I thought it was.

She could just be a side thing, a hobby or just give me pleasure when needed. I hit the wall, multiple times, the anger boiled inside of me, why did I have time to be a Malfoy? what the fuck is wrong with me, and my family. I can't do that to her, anyone else yes, not her, I just have to find someone else to occupy me, make her pull away.

It was easier said than done, I couldn't resist her, and it was inevitable for me to avoid the bliss, the joy that made its way to me every time she smiled, every time she laughed, her sweet laugh, every time I could feel her stare or when our eyes met, but whenever I was alone I out of place, detesting myself, my brain, shaming myself in disgust, it sickened me, she was a pureblood, but a god damn blood traitor and feelings were unvalued, shunned upon and made you weak, fragile, vulnerable and powerless.

I looked at my bloody hand, my heart was racing, pounding and pumping blood faster and faster as, not because of anger, it was because of her.

The door opened as I sat on the floor with blood dripping from my hand "What the actual fuck mate" came out of a concerned mouth, Blaise, I didn't respond, I was in my own world, my thoughts. Blaise wrapped a towel around my hand and washed away the blood revealing a swollen and bruised hand underneath, "Malfoy, what happened?" Worry clear in his voice, I shook my head, "Not your business Zabini" I hissed as he smeared some kind of ointment on my hand, it stung but cooled my hand down.

"Mate, you have to get your head out of your arse" he sighed. What the fuck did he just say "Don't make me use your face next time" I yelled glaring at him, couldn't he just leave me the fuck alone, even though I deep down didn't want to be.

"Just speak to me mate, I am not your enemy, and I sure as hell won't judge you" I shook my head as a grin plastered across my face. I couldn't, why the hell would I show him my weakness? "If you keep on being this stiff-necked you'll just be miserable, depressed and alone" his words cut deep, but maybe I was better off alone, or maybe she was better off without me.

I didn't know how or what happened, it was kind of a blur, but I ended up opening up a bit, it was eerie but relieving. I mentioned her, Y/n, but he didn't seem surprised, and it ticked me off a bit.

He truly didn't judge me, he sat just listening to what felt like all night, as I explained my problems, situation, doubts, everything just in small details.

"I know this is hard for you to hear and understand, but just follow your heart, whatever it feels and fuck your father, not sorry" He cracked a laugh and so did I "Yeah a bloody terrible arse he is". We talked till late, but it was Saturday so it was fine.