Skater Girl Meets The World // Michael Clifford.

Epilogue - 1.

// trigger warning: suicide //

He did not come. Calum did not come to my wedding. I didn't know how to feel. Getting married to Michael was the best thing ever, indeed. But without my best friend? No. It wasn't. Michael seemed to notice how I was feeling, but he did not say anything. We came back home, and we'll be leaving for our honeymoon tomorrow. But I still don't feel anything. I don't feel excited. I don't feel good at all. I wanted to cry forever. It sucked. I was so worried about him. Where was he? Why is he doing this? 

"Emizie," Michael knocked on the door. 

I walk up and opened the door, his face looked alarmed. 

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Uhh," he started, "Look, um, we.. we got a call from this hospital -"

My heart was beating loud. I know what was to come. Something happened to Calum. Something happened to Calum. 

"And?"

"And, um, look, they found a body -" he felt almost as weak as me to say this out aloud. 

This couldn't be happening. Calum's body? 

"And?" I asked further.

"Emizie, Calum ended his life," he says in a rush.

"No," I whisper, "you're lying," I say.

"Emizie," he puts his arm around me to hug me but I push him.

"Don't touch me!" I yell, "Why'd you do this?!"

"What? Emizie, I -"

"You... you interrupted him that day! You told him he ruined everything between us! Why did you do it?!"

"I did not mean it that way -"

"Just shut up!" I'm screaming and crying, "Just leave! Leave me alone!"

"Emizie, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," he kept saying.

"I said leave me alone," I repeated firmly. And he did. He left me alone.

**

 I don't understand. It's been three hours and I've been crying. How could Calum do that? Him, out of everyone. We later found out that he jumped from a bridge. He died in cold, sharp water. He took his life. Why would he? His note said how he doesn't like his life at all. He felt insignificant. He felt... like an outcast. He felt like he didn't belong with us. All lies. All in his fucking head. I knew he wouldn't come to my wedding, but I didn't know it was because he fucking died. I didn't know it was because he was planning such a good wedding gift for me. His fuckig funeral. I don't believe him. Or this. I fucking hate him. He left me. He left me all alone. We've been friends for more than 8 years now and he did not even think about me. He did not think about how his best friend would live without him. Maybe I should have let him kiss me. Maybe I should have cheated on Michael. Maybe I should have called off the wedding. He'd still be here then. If I told him I liked him too, maybe he would still be here. 

 I hate his parents too. They made him feel so worthless. In that note. .. he actually said his parents made his life hell. They wanted him to quit the band. They tortured him with rude remarks. Maybe that is why he moved in with Addy. Maybe he just wanted to escape. I don't know if I can ever live without him. He was the most precious person in my life. Our friendship, our bond... everything was precious and beautiful. Calum. Why did you end up hurting me like this? Why did you end up.......dying?

I heard my door open and Michael entering the room. The lights were off. I was sitting on my bed and crying. I hadn't spoken to anyone but Luke awhile back. That's when he told me about his note. I felt pretty dead too. I know blaming Michael was the worst thing ever. I can't imagine what he must be going through. His wife accusing him for being the reason why one of his best mate committed suicide. 

"You haven't eaten anything since 3 in the afternoon," Michael broke the silence, "Please eat something."

This was ridiculous. I blamed him for such a horrible thing and he still cared about if I had eaten anything or not?

"I'm not hungry," I say.

He switched on the light. And I saw him holding a bowl of noodles. Leftovers from the wedding lunch, I assumed. His eyes were red and puffy too. I don't know what was worse for him though, losing Calum or thinking how he lost me, too.

"Please eat, Emizie," he said quietly, "I don't want you to fall sick,"

I take the bowl from his hand and forcefully stuff myself. I felt my eyes getting teary as I remembered how noodles were Calum's favorite. He would always make noodles at home. Order noodles in restaurants. God, this is so difficult. I felt like dying too.

"Noodles were his favorite," I say as I keep the bowl aside.

"I'm really sorry, Emizie," Michael said.

"I'm sorry, too," I looked at him. And he looked back. Right in my eyes, "I was such a bitch. I blamed you, but it isn't your fault,"

He shook his head, "It kind of was. I should have just let him tell you his feelings,"

"Your reaction was normal. Any boyfriend would do that," I say.

"He is gone," I felt his eyes getting teared up, "Emizie, he left me. He fucking left me. Who is going to force me to make up with you after our fights? Who is going to help me get through the hate online? Who is going to make me feel relaxed and help me fight anxiety on stage? Why did he leave me, Emizie? Why!" he was crying. 

I crawled over to him, hugging him, and crying as well. 

"I feel like shit," he said, "I feel like..... I can't even breathe, I don't know what to do," 

We were both sobbing now. He was gone. He was never coming back.

"We'll get through this," I said, choking on my own tears, I knew I was lying, and he knew it too. But sometimes, lies feel good. And I almost did believe that Michael and I would get through this together. We'll get through losing our best friend, together.

***

YOOO IM SORRY DON'T HATE ME PLEASE I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!! Anyway, basically i'm writing another fanfic called "No Words" (i just published the first chapter today) PLEASE READ IT AND LET ME KNOW IF YALL LIKE IT??? because if it gets like zero reads i'll cry and delete the fanfic out of embarrassment, smh.

Also Skater Girl series will be over tomorrow IM SO EMOTIONAL WOW