Genesis [malexmale]

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

A powerful thing, loneliness.

Ever fickle.

While I had welcomed it on my morning runs, it had provided me with time to clear my mind, to live within the Source with philosophical peace and wonder. Now it was a blanket, thick and suffocating despite the freezing temperature that brought snow to the land. It was an oppressive thing that filled my head with nothing, but the noise of anger and pain and fear. There was no one to turn to now with these things.

Twice, I'd risen to seek Geara, only to remind myself she was no longer with me.

I'd even started to call my brother's name, when I realized I couldn't remember it and even if I could, I didn't want to ruin the sealing. Anyway, my voice would simply echo back to me through the ruins, as it had the few times I called to Geara without thinking.

The silence responded, and my thoughts ran rampant. Cynicism poisoned my soul, charred it further than Atlan ever would have. And it was then I began to wonder...

Why?

Why did this happen? Why would the Source ever allow such a thing to take place? This was indeed our destinies, but why? Why were we to suffer in a place the Source wished to be paradise? Why give unto us such greatness, such wonder and beauty, and then viciously take it away thus? Why would the Source be so cruel?

Because that is how the Source is. A cruel dictator.

Was that me speaking to myself, or Atlan's words poisoning me further?

But in truth, why? Was the Source punishing me? Was I supposed to do this? Was this truly my path to follow, or had I taken a wrong turn? Had the Source wanted me to surrender to Atlan? If I had, would Geara and my brother still be here? What if I had done everything Atlan wished? Would the universe truly have ceased to exist, or was that the Source whispering tests into mine ear?

What if? What if? What if?

Why? Why? Why?

A clatter vaguely registered in my mind's ear, but the questions and the anger ran rampant until I felt as if my very blood was becoming black with taint.

"Oh, Joxeia." Who dares speak to me? Oh... Wait, that was Satanika. Had her voice come to question me too? To mock me? Would she also like to remind me of my mistakes? Would she also like to laugh at me for my stupidity? Would she like to remind me that there was truly no love in this world, merely for those who find need in it, not wish?

I heard footsteps, confused that my subconscious would register such silliness from emotional hallucination... No, this was not false. This was real. I could feel Satanika standing before me, her soft sniffling and choked back sobs before she spoke in a trembling whisper.

"Jo, you can't stay here," her words faded for a moment as she struggled to maintain composure long enough to speak, "You're hurting yourself even more by hiding." I lifted my head, my vision so accustomed to darkness that it took me a full moment to focus in on Satanika's tearful face. Gorgeous hazel eyes bloodshot from crying, dark bags weighing her lower lid, tears streaking her soft full cheeks. Her hair tied back intricately, wet from rain, and it took me a moment to realize that it was storming outside.

You emotions manifest as the weather.

Why?

You can't contain something for so long, sweet brother mine.

Ah, yes. I suppose my emotional turmoil did destroy the world outside, did it not? Yet, I could not find it in me to care of the downpour that raged both outside and inside my heart. And hearing Geara's voice in my head brought tears once more to my eyes, blurring my image of Satanika.