Nadia Grace Collins knew little about love, but just as every girl she thrived to feel it. Moving out of her hometown of Columbus, Ohio to a city half way across the country to Calabasas, she hoped she'd learn what love meant. What it felt like. She...
I quickly put my phone in my purse then headed out to my uber. The drive to hotel was quick, but gave me time to think. I needed to be by myself for a little bit, to give me time to think about my feelings for Justin and how I was going to handle this.
I needed time to think about the possible outcomes of what I'd done. The hotel room I was staying in wasn't much, but it was high up and over looked the hills. Behind me I could my phone vibrating repetitively causing me to sigh. Of course I knew it was Justin but I wouldn't answer, not right now.
Upon arriving at the hotel I scheduled a facial and massage at the spa and I planned on taking that time to think over what I would say to him and when. I secretly knew there would never be a good time to break the news, but I also knew there was a wrong time, I just had to figure out when those wrong times are.
I quickly threw on a bathing suit and a robe over it and heading down to the spa. I decided to leave my phone in the room, knowing that if it were in the same room as me while it was going off I would have to answer it.
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The women who was giving me my facial was hilarious, she was two years older than me and had a great sense of humor. She was currently massaging my face while telling me about her last facial, "Oh yeah, and she threw up when I was done and I swore to Melanie, my boss you met earlier, that I was never doing another facial. Yet here I am."
"I can promise you I won't throw up." I laughed, although I had planned to think about how I was going to tell Justin I hadn't even begun to think about it. My massage was extremely quiet but too relaxing to the point where I was half asleep and now I was joking.
She smiled down at me, "It's people like you, Nadia, that make me want to continue my job."
"Well, I'm glad. Do you not like working here?"
She shrugged, "Sometimes it gets hard, I have a one year old so I call off a lot. I was supposed to move to New York before I had her and I just feel like I kind of let 19 year old me down, ya know? But I love my daughter, she is my light."
I smiled seeing the pure love in her eyes as she talk about her daughter. As if talking to my mom wasn't enough to show me that a mother's love for her child was like nothing else, this women that stood above me was evidence. She slowly lifted the gel under eye covers and threw them away as I spoke, "That's wonderful, but it's never too late to go to New York."
She hummed, "Mm, I don't know about that. Her dad isn't really in the picture and I just found a good babysitter."
"Your parents?" I questioned.
"My mom passed right before I had Harper and my dad is God knows. So I guess if I can make it without a dad. This is her." She held her phone above me, flashing a picture of her holding a small, bright eyed one year old.
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"She's beautiful, Danielle." Because she was.
"Thank you." She finished and I stood to give her a hug before exchanging numbers and heading back up to my room. Walking past a window I noticed that it was now midday and the hotel was quiet as opposed to the chaos when I first arrived.
My room was peaceful and allowed me the time I finally needed to think. I quickly pulled out the notebook I had packed and began to write a note to Justin at the desk in the room.
Dear Justin,
I came to California not expecting anything more than just a vacation, then I got surprised with concerts tickets to see you. And that night everything had quickly changed. Whether our relationship is just a fling or something real my life will forever be different. You are truly incredible from your deep brown eyes all the way to your gentle heart I don't know exactly why I did what I did, but I did it. I can't change what I did, but I hope that you will find it in you to forgive not only me, but Martin too. I know we haven't known each other for long, Justin, but I think I just might love you.
Nadia
When I was down I looked down at the paper that was scattered with erased pencil marks. There was a chance that Justin would never get to see this, but I needed to write it for me. I silently slid the paper into the notebook and laid down on the bed. I had never told anyone other than family or Tessa that I had loved them. Although I had only know Justin for almost literally a second the way I felt with him was only described with that one word. Love.
My stomach turned at my silent admission. Minutes later I realized that I had started crying because this really was too much for me. Justin didn't deserve what Martin and I had done to him, no one did but that could not take it back.
I could never and probably would never tell Justin that I thought I loved him, but it felt good to write it down. Allowing me to see the words in front of me.
As I thought to myself there was a loud knock on the door to my room. I furrowed my brows before wiping away any tears that may still be there and walked over to the door looked through the peephole.
Justin stood with his hands fiddling in front of him and I began to panic. My body was still dressed in only a bathing suit and robe, but I slowly opened the door, "What the actual hell?"
"What are you doing here?" He asked as if I was the one that needed to be questioned.
"How the hell did you know I was here?"
He sighed, "Tessa may have used find my iPhone and I may have gotten the desk clerk to tell me what room you were in."
I scoffed, "This is a joke, right? That's insane. I just wanted alone time. That's it."
I stepped aside to let him in although I was still shocked and frankly a little pissed he was here. He sat on the bed and spoke without making eye contact, "You weren't answering my calls, Tessa's calls, and Tessa said you acted weird at home."
"Do you not understand that you just over stepped a line here? Like I said I just wanted alone time and I was getting a massage and left my phone here." I was clearly the guilty one in the situation, they were concerned and I was on the defensive.
"I'm sorry, okay? I was worried about you." As he said this he stood back up and wrapped his arms around me. As I sunk into his arms my chest filled with guilt almost instantly. He was worried about me and I was here trying to figure out how to tell him I slept with his best friend.
