Chasing The Sky ( #Wattys2016 )

XVIII // By my side.

The sunlight hit me hard on my face bringing the realization with it.

Realization of the irreversible mistake that happened last night.

No, I don't regret last night, I don't regret giving myself to Chase, giving him everything but the circumstances in which everything happened makes everything a mistake.

Last night was magical, it was beyond imagination. Chase made me feel things that I don't think I deserve. And that is why I am about to do something that he won't like.

I belong to him but he doesn't belong to me. He deserves much better, so I have decided to leave before he wakes up and go somewhere far away.

I hurriedly got up from my bed, and got myself dressed. Silent sobs escaped my mouth as I looked at the sleeping form of Chase.

He looked so peaceful and relaxed. A small smile was playing on his lips and if I stay here, I will only cause him more heartbreak and pain.

I am not saying I don't love him ... I do but ... I -- I can't ...

Everything is too good to be true.

With heavy steps I walked over to him and bent down, wiping tears from my eyes I kissed his forehead one last time. It was so god damn difficult for me to leave him again.

Looking at his face one last time as if memorizing his features and his smile I turned away, as a fresh around of tears started streaming down my face.

But before I could take a step a hand clamped my wrist and I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.

I can't ... I can't ... I can't...

"Sky --" his raspy bed voice reached my ears; I just shook my head.

He quickly stood up and turned me around to face him. I avoided his gaze, my head bowed down, trying to hide my tears from him.

He placed his finger under my chin, tilting my face to look up at him. A frown on his features.

"Sky -- "

"C-Chase let me go?" I choked out.

"Why sky? I don't understand ..." he says cupping my face with both of his hands.

"T-this shouldn't have happened C-Chase..." I replied removing his hands.

He just shakes his head and groans.

"What is the fucking problem sky? Do you regret last night?" He asks, his temper getting high.

"N-No. Chase, it's just ... " I cry as no words come out my mouth.

"What happened to us sky? Why are you doing this to me?" A frustrated groan escapes his mouth as he again grabs my face.

"C-Chase we are too good to be true... I-- I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't deserve y--you ... You deserve much better!" I reply not being able to control my tears.

"You are not the one to decide, what I deserve and what I don't... " he snaps angrily and I flinch, he calms down a bit seeing my reaction.

"Sky don't you love me anymore?" He asks his voice below a whisper.

My eyes widen as I start shaking my head. I cup his face with my hands and stare in his eyes.

"No, Chase ...I love you more than anything... but I am only capable of giving you pain..." I sob.

"Sky, you think pain is what you can give than be it ... pain is all I want." He said boring his eyes into mine, pulling me closer to him.

"C-Chase ..." I cry into his chest.

"Sky ... you think leaving me will bring me happiness but that's not true it's hurting me more. Because you trying to keep distance from me is in no way going to lessen my love for you..." He says caressing my hair as I cry harder.

"You don't have to punish yourself for things you didn't do sky... It was bound to happen. What matters is how we move on from it..." He whispers.

"I can't Chase ..." I choke up.

He pulls me up and grabs my face to look in my eyes. Our faces centimeters apart.

"Then let me Sky... Then let me help you ... Let me have you ... let me show you that we are meant to be ... I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you, simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close. " he says breathing heavily.

And at that moment I knew I had to stay ...

Because I have realized, home is not a place, it is here safe in his arms ...

Wherever I go, however far I run away, I will always be coming back to him.

Because he is where I am meant to be.

Not giving it any second thoughts, I crash my lips with his. His kisses are like addiction but not a drug, a therapy.

It felt like forever as we just sat there wrapped up in each others arms. Thinking about everything and nothing.

Oh, how did my life become such an emotional rollercoaster ...

"You shouldn't cry, it's pathetic..." Chase's voice reached my ears. And he sounded playful.

My lips twitched." You're pathetic..." I replied swatting his chest playfully.

"Oh, yeah! Your nose looks like a tomato when you cry ..." He smirks hitting my head.

Oh no, he didn't!

"Really, now? Your whole face is like a potato." I hit his head back.

"Yeah, and you happen to love this potato faced." He said grabbing my hand and kissing the back of it.

"That I do!" I said smiling at him.

"Go on a date with me." He asked with a grin.

I nodded wrapping my arms around his neck as he pulled me on his lap. And we spent rest of the day taking and fighting like old times. Catching up for the time we have lost.

From this day on I won't look back, instead I will welcome future with a large smile and open arms...

With Chase by my side.

**************

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