ᴄʀɪᴍɪɴᴀʟ ᴍɪɴᴅꜱ ✩ ᴇᴅ

forty five

i want ethan to wrap his hand around my throats and squeeze so hard my head falls off. that's what i fucking want, god i hope i choke.

💫

adyel

i woke up due to there being a crook in my neck. i sat in the chair in ethans room. i must have fallen asleep in it. i looked over to see grayson sleeping on the couch. his tie was loose around his neck, his tight dress shirt unbuttoned a bit, and his tight dress pants clung to his legs.

i looked at ethan on the hospital bed, sighing. this was the most sad and pathetic thing i've ever seen. i went over to ethan, sitting on the bed next to him. i laid my cheek on his head, running my fingers through his hair.

"i love you, eth." i kissed his head, running my hand from his hair, to his cheek. my eyes started filling up with tears as they began to fall.

once my eyes closed, i heard something i hate hearing. ethan's heart monitor beeping rapidly. or even going flat.

grayson sprung up from the couch as nurses and doctors piled into the room. "ma'am, you have to move!" the nurse yelled at me. i just wanted to hold him in my arms forever.

"get the crash cart!" the nurse yelled. the god awful paddles that break my heart every time they shock ethan with them.

"charge to three hundred!" the nurse yelled. "clear!" she laid the paddles on ethans chest, his limo body popping up from the shock. his heart monitor began to beep normally again.

i sighed, tears rapidly spilling out of my eyes. i looked back at grayson who's bottom lip was trapped between his teeth.

the nurse came out to talk to me, trying to tell me what's going on. "we think that ethan had another seizure, the doctor will be taking him off his meds today. that should help him wake up from the medically induced coma." the nurse smiled at me.

i nodded my head. "can i go in?" she sympathetically nodded and gave a weak smile. i walked into the room, a beautiful boy laid in front of me.

i sat on the cheap hospital bed, next to ethan. i hate hospitals. it reminds me of death and sickness.

i ran my fingers through ethans soft locks of hair. my tears hitting his head. my lips kissed his head and my cheek rested upon his head. my eyes closed as more tears fell.

"tell me this isn't real." i prayed that one day a miracle would just happen and ethan would wake up and we would return to normal.

"listen to me, ethan. if you can hear me, i can't lose you. i won't survive and that's your fault. you made me love you. you made me let you in and then you freaking die in my arms." (alex karev wya) i cried much harder than i was before.

"we're in this together, so if you die," i sobbed. "how will i survive? how will i go on, i won't. so i'm begging you ethan dolan. i'm here asking you if you will wake up."

ethans POV

i watched as adyel held me in her delicate arms. she was sobbing. it shattered my heart to see her like that. i guess it's kinda on me for making her cry. she ran her fingers through my hair. i loved when she did that.