Tragedy

Tragedy:35:

*Bella*
8:28 AM

Justin still wasn't awake. The 12 hour mark was slowly creeping up, and I desperately wanted to pound on his chest in an effort to get him conscious.

Jeremy had fallen asleep in the chair, but I knew he'd been up for hours with the time difference.

I couldn't imagine sitting in a hospital room waiting for my child to wake up. I could barely function just knowing it was Justin.

I'd only left his side to pee basically. Right now I sat as close to his bed as I could, running my nails lightly against the skin of his half sleeve.

He had goosebumps.

"Are you cold?" I whispered, pulling up his blankets a little more.

"What are you going to do if he goes to rehab?" Jeremy asked, sitting not too far beside me. "You're not going to stay in that house by yourself with Manny out there, are you?"

"I don't know, I hadn't really thought about it honestly." I shrugged, biting down on my lip as I kept my eyes on Justin. "I mean...I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't thought about moving out these past few weeks...Julie's offered up a room, so I could stay with her while he's gone. I don't really know where him and I stand right now anyway. Some space could be good for us...at least, I need it...Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Did you feel abandoned when Pattie left? I'm sorry if that's too personal...I just...I feel like this is all my fault, because I promised I would never leave him...but t-the baby. I can't bring her into that house. I'm still having stress cramps, and I'm terrified that she's not going to make it because I can't calm myself down."

"I did feel abandoned in a sense, yeah." He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with his palm. "But you know this isn't your fault. None of this is your fault. You can still be there for him without living in the same house. Your little girl needs you, and she needs him, but not in this state of mind. Becoming a parent is all about putting them first before yourself...that's all your doing. If you need to move out temporarily, it's okay. It'll be a good reality check for him. I almost lost everything. I know I'm part of the reason he has emotional issues - don't tell him I said that - but it's true. I can never take it back. I can only be there for him now and pray that he learns from my mistakes."

"I hate that I can't help," I murmured, running my fingers through his hair, then over his cheek. "The hardest part has been having to sit by and watch him suffer. There's nothing I can do...What if he doesn't go to rehab? Then what do I do?"

"Stay with your friend Julie, raise your daughter...He's going to have to learn the hard way Bella."

"Isn't this the hard way?" I quickly blinked, tears brimming at the edge of my eyes. "He could've died. He might not be the same when he wakes up."

"I can't believe I'm about to say this." He sighed, running his hand down his face.

I watched him closer, still running my nails lightly against Justin's tattoos out of habit.

"My biggest wake up call was when Pattie left. She had the kids practically all the time. Justin was having a really hard time with it, and I was never sober, and in a sense, he reminds me so much of his mother. I couldn't support him. I drove him away. He was older, so he understood more than Jaxon, and Jazzy was still just a baby...the night I kicked Justin out, I was going through withdrawal, and Patti and I had just been divorced for a few weeks. I'd lost my wife, my first born son, and I barely saw Jazzy and Jaxon anymore. Sometimes, it takes walking out the door and doing food for yourself to finally get somebody else to get the help they need. I know you love my son, and I know you want the best for him. Right now, he doesn't think you're going to leave him. He's comfortable. You might tell him your going to leave, or that you're not going to marry him, but you're still in the house. He doesn't really think you're going anywhere...and your health is important too. Your child is the most important thing, and her life is also on the line."