Broken Wings

Part Five - The past that haunts you

A/N This is (hopefully) a revealing chapter, might start answering a few of your questions, sorry about the slow build. But that is what I felt was needed, don't think that I hate criticism, you guys are my editors, so I appreciate your honest opinions.  Hope that this is starting to warm up for you all, let me know. XX

The phone in her pocket was honestly more haunting than the argument Julia'd had with Aaron, but it was easier to vent her anger at him, and not the rest of the world, or her life. Five answer phone messages. Her mother wanted to speak to her. Julia knew why, but she didn't want to discuss the past, didn't want to dissect what the news in the paper meant. She deleted all the messages without listening or reading any of them, then buried her head under the pillow, wanting anything to take her mind off the hell her life had become.

The following morning she woke early. The building was quiet, not just her apartment, there was nothing nicer. Pulling on some warm clothes - it was surprisingly cold for May, she headed off to work. She had a 'to do' tower on her desk that rivalled the Empire State Building. As she strolled through the park that led to the museum, she smiled at the thought of New York; soon she'd have put distance between herself and her life. That was what she needed.

After a productive morning, she was in a cafe having some lunch when her phone rang again. Presuming it was Abi, wondering where she was, she connected automatically.

"Finally, you can't avoid me forever, Julia."

Her mother.

Suddenly her head was spinning, her heart racing and her breaths coming quicker than was healthy. She wanted to toss down the phone and run, but her shaking legs wouldn't take her weight. Deep breaths, that's what her counsellor and told her, in through the nose, out through the mouth...and think of a calm place.

"Julia?" Her mother's shrill voice cut through her attempts to manage the approaching panic attack.

"I know why you're calling mother; I saw it...in the newspaper." Her voice was quaking to her own ears. "I'm not ready to talk about this."

She heard her mother sigh, "he's dead, Julia. That means something."

Breathe in...and out... "It might mean something to you, but it means NOTHING to me, it doesn't change anything. Can't you see that?"

Her mother blubbed, as predicted, making this all about her, and never about Julia, "you can't keep blaming me for this."

Grabbing onto the table with her spare hand, she tried to control the dizziness that was hitting her in huge waves, "I don't blame you, but I can't pretend that your brother..." She was getting louder, people were staring at her. Standing, she staggered up the street to somewhere quiet, secluded. "It wasn't MY fault, mother."

Her mother sighed, "I'm not saying that. I just want to know how you're feeling."

"My uncle is dead, but then he's been incarcerated for the last thirteen years. Which despite the effects it had on your mother, is exactly where he deserved to be. Mother..." she took a deep breath, she had to stop the anger, it wasn't constructive. "Mum," she tried, "he didn't just hurt me, he took ten years of my life. I am trying to turn that around, I am trying to cope; I am trying to stay above it. I need to live again. But this doesn't help. You need to give me time, and space."

Her mother gasped along the phone line, "I don't want you to..."

"Have another breakdown? As I told Abi, I am eating, I am sleeping, I am smiling and I am working. I am on top of this. But you need to leave me deal with it."