Guilted: Wars Against The Past (Editing)

F o u r

He never told Esta that he got a job. He knew she'd find out anyways. Maybe he wanted to tell her only after he gains a better position. He glanced at the bag she had left him, but he didn't open it. He felt that whatever was in it, he wasn't ready for it.

Just yet.

Drinking a glass of milk, he changed into his formals and headed out towards his car. He owned a matte grey classic 1971's Plymouth Satellite. He then drove towards the city, driving out of the town while he felt uneasy after what happed last night. He shouldn't have called Esta, he shouldn't have confronted her. It was a total mistake. Oh, how his maddening ego was over-taking him. He crossed the speed limit and accelerated to 135. The highway was quite empty and that made him angrier.

Why? Why does everything within you, surrounding you, above you and beneath you needed to be totally empty?  Why was this voidness so painfully frustrating? Why didn't she stay even though she wanted to? Why did she forgive him so easily? Why didn't she make him suffer, retaliate and make him learn from his mistakes the hard way? Why such misery and pain?Because he simply deserves it. Simple. Because in life, what goes around comes around. Simple. Because once you've hurt someone, it comes back to hurt you a millionfold harder. Simple. Because in life you need to pay for your mistakes and sins. Simple. Because you are the sole reason for your misery and pain. Simple. Because Esta had her own life to consider and not his. Simple. Because not everyone was as cold-hearted as him. Simple.

He slowed the down then. As he entered the city, a gush of memories swirled in his mind and his grip on the steering wheel tightened. God! How he would do anything not to recall them.

He didn't need the GPS to locate him the place as he knew this city like the back of his hand. He drove further into the crowd and finally reached his destination. It wasn't the best and the fanciest of a firm, but it didn't matter to him. As long as he earned in any way, he'd satisfied. Because, gracefully one thing he managed to learn from life is that the more you earn, the more you keep wanting. Just like his father; never satisfied.

He maybe wrong but that's what took his father away from him; money. And he wouldn't dare risk that. It would ruin him more than he already was. He could have lived the fanciest of life, but he chose not to. But it wasn't that he was miserly, he loved to spend but sometimes he made sure not to cross the limits.

He the entered the building and dealt with the-first-day-procedure. Later, when he was introduced with and settled with everything, his working hours came to an end. He knew that this job wouldn't last long. He stepped out and as he opened his car's door, something made him stare at the city before him. He thought for a moment and then slammed the door to take a walk. Abed loved walks. 

That city ruined him, that was the city where he had lost his world, that was the city where he took her world, and that was the city where it had all began.

That was New York.

*** *** ***

She came to visit Esta again as she wasn't home the other day.

Esta was taken aback by her sudden visit as she opened the door. She smiled and let her in. Esta knew she wasn't comfortable being here because this place reminded her of both, Taraa and Abed.

"Where'd you go?" She asked.

"You don't wanna know." Esta replied straightforwardly.

"Is everything okay?" She asked, seeing a huge change in Esta's demeanor.

"What, yeah! Why wouldn't it be?" She bated.

Esta was never like this. She was straight, studious and stern. But at that moment, she seemed like she had completely lost her posture. She didn't even make her tea or something like she used to.