Guilted: Wars Against The Past (Editing)

F o r t y - T h r e e

After when happiness and peace settled in you, lived away all those joyous and momentous time, stole and ate your permission, without paying any rent to your heart, as soon as they sense the storm nearing, they steam off within a flash, a force like no other, which cracks and breaks the beats of your heart, the sound and the feel of it unbearable that all you feel is numbness, and that you can feel their warmth taking off of your skin, off of you.

Ever felt your heart burn up with pain over knowing that someone else was breaking, hurting and trying with all their life, through thick and thin, their sweat and heartbeats, within seconds of hope and opportunities, their heartfelt prayers and aching tears, all their rotten sorrows and lost wishes, just so you could live the very dream they couldn't?

In this selfish world, there were selfless souls, only hidden as pearls. And it took years of agony and struggle, years of vulnerability and tears, years of understanding and realisation, years of healing and wandering, for him to grow and come at a peace with this world, just so he could find one of the pearls in hiding.

But to his utter sorrow, that very one soul, who was a pearl in his heart and eyes, was hidden technically and realistically. She didn't hold any place in this world anymore because she had already returned to her Rabb. She held many places in the hearts of the living, because, she may personally didn't have anyone in her heart but, those who were involved in her life, always kept a place for her in their hearts.

It was a contradictory, between fact over feelings or the other way around.

He remembered her in every prayer, and shed tears for her. And how surreal it may seem, for a him to not give a damn about his sister all his life and only for him to end up praying for her with his heart and tears, but that kind of love was pure.

His family did fight his battles for him.

*** *** ***

"Abed, why do you regard your father by his name?" Sahar asked, as they were on their way to the mosque.

"My father became dead to me after the divorce." He simply answered the truth.

"But, you guys are on good terms now, you are the only family he's left. I'm sure he aches and craves for you to call him as your father." Sahar displayed her concern.

Abed sighed, "I can't, I don't have the courage to, it's more to do with my pride. It'll take all that I have."

"Look, people make mistakes. And if anything, when it comes to family, forgiveness always comes first, no matter what! Don't let him pay for someone else's mistake. He's a human, just like you. And whomever you have lost, you will be reunited with them one day, insha Allah! But for now, you have the world, Allah gave you everything and every reason for you to be thankful to Him. More than anything and anyone, your father deserves your forgiveness."

"I did forgive him!" He then muttered.

"Not fully!" She argued.

He felt a pang of guilt in his chest upon realising that all along, he was making his father pay for his mother's mistakes.

All along, he had been unfair.

Because in the end, no one was a victim, everyone had their part in the conspiracy.

"Break down your ego, and become down to earth, even if takes all of you. Because humility is always the strongest foundation of your inner strength. You have to be a man of humility yet hold the toughness within you, together at once. In the end, it's gonna be dust that will cover you, you will be deep in the earth, and later from within the dust and soil you will be resurrected, in fact it's the very clay you're created with. Don't, don't destroy yourself, a part of yourself for just a bunch of letters which is stated in your mind. How are you even strong or claim yourself to be strong when only three or four letters of a word is your weakness? That only makes you weak, you have got to be stronger, fight a little harder, a little more, with pain and the flames, for it to be full of worth and value. Abed, you have to be tough enough to put your ego down."