𝒮𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑒𝓉𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝑅𝑜𝓈𝑒𝓌𝑜𝑜𝒹 - a Supernatural Fanfiction

chapter 7

fine

"Alex?" I heard my name, floating through the void. It was a man's voice, but it didn't sound like my dad waking me up for school. But wait, I had graduated years ago and my dad was... he was dead. Drowsily, I started to open my eyes, not remembering the Winchesters, my injuries or my family that was gone. I opened my eyes all the way, and there was a sudden stinging pain in my ribs. Grimacing, I looked over at Sam. He was sitting in the chair next to me, concern showing in his eyes. As I saw him, memories flooded through me and I closed my eyes again, squeezing them to block out any pain.

"What happened?" I whispered.

"You were attacked by demons."

"I know that much." It was sarcastic and a bit rude, I knew, but I was in pain and pain made me mad.

"Yeah... anyways, Dean or I should've checked up on you when you were outside, but he said you wanted to be alone. I... I'm so sorry." And I could tell he was. He felt guilty and it made me feel worse. I still needed to apologize to Dean, but I couldn't sit up yet, it hurt too much. Opening my eyes once more, I looked at Sam, wondering with sudden happiness why this man cared about me.

"Hey, it's not your fault." I said, and he sighed, staring at the ground.

"It doesn't seem to be, but that doesn't help me feel less bad about it." I had a feeling Sam was talking about more than just this incident.

"Seriously." He looked back at me. "Please don't beat yourself up about it. And I mean, look at me, I'm fine!" I spoke too soon as sudden coughs racked my body, my right side and ribs shrieking in pain. Gasping, my breaths ragged, Sam was right next to me, grabbing my hand.

"Alex." It was almost a question, but what I knew he was trying to tell me to be okay.

"I...I'm ok-okay." I spoke between coughs. It was true, I wasn't in danger of dying at that moment. What I wasn't saying was that I was in horrifying pain. Maybe normal pain, actually. I had no idea, considering I'd never really felt pain for a long time, certainly not really bad pain.

Squeezing Sam's hand tightly, I realized I was not showing him I was fine, but I needed that strength he gave me. He gazed concernedly in my eyes, searching for the truth I simply could not conceal.

"As long as you're... okay." Sam said pointedly, wanting me to tell him I wasn't.

That was honestly all I wanted to do, but I was... scared. Scared to open up to anyone. I'd always been that way, but after the last 10 years since my dad died... it was too much to try to trust anyone like that, no less love them. I was a safe and no matter how incredible Sam was, how helpful Dean and he had been, how much they'd protected and been there for me, I wasn't ready to care that deeply for anyone. The urge to tell him everything in my life, every hurt, how badly my body was in pain was so strong. I fought it, knowing that people are only human, they can't possibly be trusted fully. There were things I didn't even tell my sister, my best friend.

I was so hurt physically, it brought my emotional pain back to light and thinking about my past while looking at Sam, well, I freaked out a bit.

"It's fine, Sam." Smiling assuredly, I let go of his hand. Just like that, it was as if I mentally let him go, too. My heart ached with my ribs, and my reassuring smile wobbled. Swallowing slowly, I grinned again. "Go. You should help Dean research... stuff. Get us closer to finding Natalie." Sam licked his lips, clearly a little upset, and stood up. I watched him stand, my stupid heart fooling itself that I had protected it, when the reality was that it was hurting now, and it would always be a little hurt.