If I'm Louder. [a Ziall romance.] (EDTINGING IN PROGRESS)

Lean On Me

hello :) i am writing at 2 in the morning because i really want this book to boom and i think that you have to grab the readers as soon as your book is published. so here it is...if its not edited that is because i went to sleep and didn't edit it...I'm not a vampire. i cant be awake forever.

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The drive home that day was horrible. everyone was silent and Niall just stared out the window.I looked on his twitter page and he was tagged in like a various tweets , all about him being gay.

Some of them good...most of them no so much.

Thist was two days ago...now it has gotten so much worst.

There were pages in magazine's and newspapers about him. Facebook pages called "Four boys and one fag,", fans upset and claiming to not be a fan no more because of his coming out.

Prople called him hurtful words. my room was right next to his so i can he what ever he was doing and for the past to days, he was crying.

Today i decided i was going to help....because so far Niall wasn't speaking to any of us.

I got up from my messy bed, and walked out of my room barefoot. The floor was cold, which made the tension that.flowed through out the whole house...much more tense. My knuckles tapped the blond boys door, I looked down at the floor when i spoke, "umm.. Niall. can i come in?".

I heard the bed squeak and the door click. When I turned the knob and opened it, Niall was already back in bed on his phone. As I looked at him, I felt my my heart sink. i never seen him like this..so depressed. he was the most happiest of us all...now he is full of tears.

He sat on the unmade bed and had a painful look on his face. he had bags under his eyes and the food i gave to him the past few days just sat on the floor, not even touched.

His eyes were a raw red. and his hair more messy then it was ever been. He looked exhausted, tired, dead...as if all life has been sucked from him.

I walked over to him and sat next to him on his bed. I rested there with my knees to my chin and watched as he didn't take his eyes of his phone. He flicked his finger and i saw the tweets go up and never ended, like movie credits.

"you know" i said leaning into him "when Harry messed up on what makes you beautiful, he looked through the tweets about him and it didn't help."

Niall ignored my words and kept scrolling down the tweets.

i was more good at hiding my emotions then he was. i was just so shocked when i found out that he was gay because im going to some confusion myself. I can relate to him so much because now that I've been exposed to so many people, becoming popular in the music business, I'm realising more about myself.

About three months ago I had a dream about me and Niall....a dream that makes me smile till this day, but along with the smile folds in with the dread of regret.

I remember it was raining, pouring actually, and Niall opened my door and walked into my room. He had tears running down his face as he looked at me, shaking as he said in a soft voice "C-can I sleep here I....I um..." I smiled at him for I knew he was scared, something most people didn't know about Niall was that he was absurdly petrified of thunderstorms.

The room lit up from the crack of the thunder, Causing Nialls tears to shine more. I lifted up my blanket, warm from my body being entangled in it, and allowed Niall to slide in next to me.

"I'm...I'm sorry Zayn..." Niall began as he looked at me, I pulling the blanket over us. He looked rather cute when he was scared, his blue eyes shone more then they had ever been.

"Don't be...." I said, pulling him closer to me. I remember my heart raced so much from being so close to him... "I'll protect you.

After that dream I had felt so...different. Everytime I would talk it wouldn't feel real, and I only told Liam about how i was feeling.

Liam sat me down and told me that I shouldn't fight what I was feeling, that I should see how I feel about Niall. So I did. It hurts me even more to see Niall like this because after days of thinking...i admitted to myself that I had a crush on him. If not a crush, then I definitely had some lost feelings for the boy.

Most people would be freaked out, and i am, but i just have a different way of dealing with emotions. I can hold them in, or get through them with the help of myself or a friend...but not Niall. Niall is very sensitive, and the situation he was in right now......was a very, very sensitive situation.

I realised that i was dazed of a bit from think and i turned my attention to Niall...who was still on his phone.

I grabbed the phone, shut it of and put it in my pocket. Niall looked at me with , at first, a look of anger...then a look of pain. I watched as his blue eyes began to water, soon, the water slipped from the corner of his eyes.

It ripped my heart to see him cry, he never looked so down, and hopeless.

I moved closer to him and spoke, trying to cheer him up.

"Niall...its ok, you know you can tell me anything, ok? i just want you to be happy"

Nialls pov~

"i just want you to be happy" he said.

I cant be happy because I wanted him...he helped me so much. He cared about me and I know that admitting that he was the one i liked would just ruin our relationship, or worst, the band.

I didn't want this, I didn't ask for this but he makes me feel....safe. Something that's hard to feel when everyone in the world knows you, something that's rare when you can't walk outside your house without being mobbed.

Zayne sat on my bed with red pj's, and that was it. I would usually enjoy when his shirt was off but i couldn't stop thinking about those people.

I replayed the tweets in my mind.

"Niall horan? #fag"

"Niall doesnt deserve to be in the band hes a monster"

"Niall is going to burn in hell"

i don't know why they hate me. I just wish that I could talk to each person to see what I was doing wrong, people just judge you and the don't even give you a chance. It hurts. It hurts to know that people think that I'm turning there kids gay. It took a lot of me to come out... and to be turned down by the world, was a nightmare.

Those thoughts brought more tears to my eyes. Zayn leaned in and hugged me. I cried into his shoulder as he spoke to me.

"Niall...no matter who you are or who you love, i will still love you. Your like a brother to me...more then that. Your almost like a part of me. the whole band is a part of me. we're one big family that loves you."

I was calming down, He held me tight and rocked me a little. I sat up and looked at him. I gave a slight smile and Zayn gave a bigger one. Doing so he made me smile more. I loved it when he smiled. His teeth were perfect and his lips looked soft, i just wanted to kiss them.

he reached his hand out and wiped my tears.

I began to speak "Zayn....i wish i could tell you. You could help me so much...but i cant. I cant tell you because it will ruin us."

He was confused. I smiled, he made the cutest face when he was confused. I hugged him again and whispered "thank you." and walked away.

I really did want to tell him, I know he wouldn't react like half the world did but i know that things will get awkward if i did...but i needed to tell somebody. someone i can trust...someone who is like a father to me.

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o.o whoa! yes i spent all night with this one. im trying to find a way to announce to the story that Zayne had feelings for him but yet make it original...how do you think i did? comment anything,..i will replie. im always open to suggestions.

(READ:it is 10/23/13 and I'm like really updating each chapter so if you don't see this on the next chapter it hasn't been updated j wrote this book in the 6th grade......I'm a freshman in high school so I'm trying to fix it! if you want you can read my other book Love Or Payne (Niam) while this updates!)