If I'm Louder. [a Ziall romance.] (EDTINGING IN PROGRESS)

scars.

 Zayns pov:

  i sat down in my bathroom, crying

 the room was cold, and my cries echoed through the room.

 i was crying because when i got home from "the chatty man". i got a text from my dad. it didnt dare open it until i gained the courage to.

it wasnt good.

 i read it in then bathroom over and over again, more tears coming from my eyes after each word. 

zayn, do you think that no one see's your interviews or photos huh? do you think that we need to know that you fucked some fag in your hotel? your a disgrace to your family, and the world! you shouldn't even belong in that band....you shouldn't belong on earth. im embarrassed to be your father! do you know how many times a day people tell me about how much it must suck to have a gay son? people dont even talk to us zayn....so you can go be with your fag boyfriend and band ...because i just dont care anymore. like your mother said, dont come back here, talk to us, or even respond to this text.

good bye.

my eyes were blurry from the tears that are building up. it was as if the words played itself over and over again in my head.

why would you even send that? i thought i mean i know he knew that my mom called me...so why would he send me this?

my head hurt and my breathing grew faster. my hands clenched as i grew more angry. theni got really angry and through my phone at the wall...not very hard because when it landed on the floor it wasnt broken or scratched.

my chest heart, and my eyes stung from my tears. i remembered me crying like this about 6 years ago, in the bathroom just like how i was now. 

i wanted to stop crying but i couldnt. then i remembered how i stoped crying when i was littler.

no, i thought. i stopped cutting myself years ago...i cant start again now.

but i needed to. that familiar itch under my skin came. when i tried to stop cutting when i was little, it would physically hurt not to.

so i didnt until my friend got me help, without my mom knowing.

* * *

after many minutes of thinking...i grabbed a razor.

i put the razor on the floor and with the heel of my shoe, i stomped on it until it broke into little piece's. there were blue plasic all over the floor and two perfect shapped blades in the mix of it.

i remembered me doing this when i was little, i had a routine. break the razor, go over the toilet with razor blade...and tried to make myself feel better.

i sat on the floor with the razor in my hand. i placed the razor on my lap as i ripped of my bracelets. 

i looked at my wrist and began to cry even harder. i had a total of 9 scars on my wrist...about to be ten. they sat on my wrist like evil reminders of what a sick person i am

i placed the razor to my wrist, and i shuddered from the coldness of it. a part of me didnt want to cut my wrist....i wanted to cut my neck. i wanted to die but...i couldnt. something in me wouldnt let me, and that something didnt let me cut my wrist either.

i tried to apply more pressure to the razor, but not enough to cut. me

that was when i heard my door open.

my heart dropped.

  i looked i threw the blade on the floor and starred at my feet as the person gasped. i didnt dare raise my head because i was frozen...and i was afraid of who it was.

"Zayn...oh Zayn why?" i recognized the person voice. it wasnt Niall's or Liam's...it was Harry's.

i looked up at him with teary eyes as he slowly sat next to me.

he opened his arms and wrapped them around my shoulder as i spoke with tears coming down my face.

"i didnt tell anyone but Niall this...a week ago my mom disowned me...and i just got a text from my dad saying..." i choked on my words as Harry pulled my head on his shoulder.

he said "Zayn...you didnt. please...tell me you didnt just-"

"no...i was about to but...you stopped me."

"Zayn" he said with a serious tone, i lifted y head and looked at him. he grabbed my face with his hands as he spoke "promise me that you wont do this again...please. talk to somebody. Niall, me , liam, Louis just somebody! i dont want you to do this no more ok?"

i nodded my head and said "please...dont tell no one about this ok"

Harry nodded his head and stood up, lifting me with him.

"hey," he said "me and the boys are going to go to the mall to get new cloths for the award show ... come with us ok?"

"ok"

"great...meet us down stairs in ten minutes."

he then pulled me into a hug and said "i dont ever want to see you like that again" and left.

 it made me feel better to know that someone other then Niall cared about me.

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ugh, i think this chapter is so lame :( sorry if it sucked i had writers block....OH!. my next chapter is going to be about some fangirls....message me if you want to be a character :)