Eleven Dates [COMPLETE]

Chapter XX: in which she goes speechless

I knew I was shit at pool, but not that bad. Three tequila shots against the single one Trevor had. He even ordered three beers because I 'didn't let him drink enough'.  I didn't know for how long I would be able to keep it up.

"Have you always been this bad?" Trevor laughed.

"Shut up." I mumbled.

"Seriously, I don't remember you being this bad." He didn't laugh but his eyes were shining.

"I hate you." I pouted.

"You don't." He walked around the pool table, coming closer.

"I really do." I stepped back. "You got me drunk."

"You got you drunk." He smirked taking another step. "If you weren't so shit at pool, you would've been fine."

"I hate you." I repeated.

"You don't." He was standing in front of me. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. He had a habit of doing that.

I took a small step back, again. "Maybe we should head back. It's getting late."

"It's only ten." Trevor pointed out.

"So?"

"I have to drive so I need some time to be able to do that. I'm not drunk, but better safe than sorry. We can stay here, walk around or walk back."

"We can walk back. I can drive you in the morning to get your car." I suggested.

"Sure. I'll get the check." Trevor smiled before walking to the cash register by the bar.

Once he paid we headed outside. We walked the fifteen minutes to the department in silence, both of us stuck in our own thoughts. I reached for Trevor's hand at some point because I needed the comfort.

I don't know what was wrong with me, really. I had been so on and off lately. Maybe the dates had affected me more than I realized, between all the crazy adventures I had with my "suitors" and the laughable stories, I felt left out somehow. I couldn't even explain it properly. maybe counseling would be a good idea.

The fresh air did wonders to my drunken self and once we reached the apartment I was sober enough. Trevor lead us inside and I headed to the closest sitting spot. I dropped on the couch with a sigh. A few seconds later Trevor say by my side.

"What's wrong?" He frowned.

"I'm so tired, Trev. Nothing works out for me. I wanted a distraction from my routine, something different that would be fun during the semester, but it didn't work out. My father keeps pestering me about that fucking job and I hate it."

"Koda..." He took my hand. "Your dad has to understand that you are doing your best to make him happy, but you also have to do stuff for your happiness. You can't keep trying to achieve everything that he demands.

"I know, I know, but I want to make him proud. You know I don't care what people think of me, but his opinions has always been important to me, just as yours." I sighed. "I try so hard to do everything he asks of me, but there's always something more. He keeps pushing and pushing. Asking for new things just after I manage to do something. I get into college and then I have to improve my grades, and then I have to pay for all the expenses, and then my job is not good enough.

"There's always something else. I know he only wants for me to grow as a person and push my limits and all that, but it just feels as if I'm not good enough for his expectations. What he asks is stuff that I would do on my own, but with him on my back it feels like a burden rather than a goal."

"I can't imagine the pressure you're feeling. I'm sorry he has put you in this situation, but you also let him do it, Koda." He squeezed my hand. "You have to talk to him and let him know how you feel. He has to understand that even though he wants the best for you, he has to let you take your own decisions too."

"I know, I will try to talk to him the next time I see him."

"About your dates..." He sighed. "I don't know how to make you see. You can't just decide to have a boyfriend. Stuff like that just happens and you don't see it coming. One day everything is normal and the next you realize that you love someone. Sometimes it happens with the person you least expect."

"I know, but I just feel... lonely sometimes. I know I have you and Amanda and a lot of people, but sometimes it's too much." I rubbed my face frustrated. "Trev, is there something wrong with me? Am I not enough for my dad or for a decent guy to approach me?"

"God! If you could see yourself from my eyes, Koda." He tucked a strand of my hair that had gotten loose. "Nobody is perfect, but you are the closest thing to it. You are so gorgeous that sometimes you take my breath away. You want to give this exterior of tough carefree girl, but what you really do is try to please and make everybody happy. You are sweet even though you don't want to admit it."

I couldn't breathe properly and I wasn't sure if it had something to do with my drumming heart or the look Trevor was giving me. I was speechless.

"I'm so lucky to have you in my life and I... I just."

He kissed me. My brain automatically went back to the first time we kissed those weeks ago. It felt like a lifeline between each kiss. The last time he was hesitant and kissing me painfully slow, but not this time. This time he was sure of what he wanted.

We crashed and he held my face and my hair. He slid a hand to my waist and pulled me closer. And I let him and I kissed him back with as much energy and with the small amount of air he had let me with. I whimpered because it was too much, too much feelings and too much Trevor and my drumming heart didn't let me think. He pulled apart.

"Are you okay?" There was concern all over his face and I wanted to cry because his concern made me feel.

I shook my head and neared closer, pulling him in by the neck for another kiss. Trevor groaned and I smiled against his lips. He tugged at my hair. I opened up to deepen the kiss and it turned greedy and so selfless at the same time. It became a game of pushing and pulling, of who could give but take more. It became desperate. I slid a hand down his back and under his shirt while the other stayed at his neck.

Trevor followed, slipping a hand under my shirt and over my stomach moving to my lower back. I didn't know how he did it. How he managed to gently take my face while moving his hand urgently all over my back.

I hesitated when I felt his lower part after I straddled him. I froze and he noticed. He pulled apart and moved his hands to my hips and over my jeans. He glanced down to his lap and then up again to my wide eyes.

"Um... sorry?"

I bolted, just as in most of my failed dates. I ran. I stared at him shocked with myself and with everything that just happened, and turned around running to my room and slamming the door shut.

What was wrong with me?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Jesus Christ, Dakota! WHY? Did you have to leave him like that? Poor Trevor, he must be feeling all sorts of things.

Just talk to the guy! You have A LOT of unfinished business. I want to shake some sense into her lol.

The story is nearing the end, unbelievable.

Regards,
A. L. Pecka