Eleven Dates [COMPLETE]

Chapter XXI: in which she runs away

I couldn't sleep at all. My mind kept going back to our kisses and then to my foolish reaction.

I don't know what came over me. Why did I kissed him back, and then went for a second one? Why did I run? And, how will I face Trevor now? What was I supposed to tell him? We couldn't ignore this like last time. I couldn't ignore it.

The first time we kissed it was easier to ignore, to pretend it never happened because it was an innocent kiss. It ended almost as soon as it started. The kind of kiss you get playing spin the bottle and I had convinced myself that Trevor kissed me as some sort of experiment. We had some sort of silent agreement of never talking about it and we never had an awkward moment after that.

The problem was that this had felt different. It was a desperate and intense kiss. My mind was stuck between repeating the scene in my head and trying to shove it in a box to avoid thinking about how I felt when he kissed me.

Right after dawn broke I had made up my sleep depraved mind. I stuffed a backpack with some clothes, brushed my teeth and headed quietly to my room. The apartment was dead quiet, Trevor was probably asleep. It was the only chance I would get. We couldn't ignore it, but I could avoid it for a while.

I sneaked out of the apartment with a drumming heart. I almost had a heart attack when I dropped the car keys slipping outside. Trevor would have to walk to get his car.

As I drove away, a part of me wondered if I was over reacting.

* * *

Kate was a mess when she opened the door to her apartment with mismatched pjs and crazy hair.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Around 6:30." I replied.

"If you know what time it is then what are you doing here?" Kate narrowed her eyes.

"I'll answer in the morning." I gestured to my suitcase. "Can we sleep?"

Kate narrowed her eyes. "What happened with Trevor?"

"Nothing." I lied. "I just need a few girl's days."

"Something is fishy here, but I'm to tired to care right now. Let's go sleep."

I sighed in relief. Kate would probably question me in the morning but form now I was safe.

We laid down on her bed and she went back to sleep almost instantly. I could her her breathing lightly beside me while I stared at the ceiling. Sleep was out of the question for me. I knew I wouldn't fall asleep, but being in a different apartment than Trevor eased my mind. I needed space.

I knew that it was not fair for Trevor. When he woke up and saw that I was gone he would probably feel... heck I don't know what he would feel, but it for sure wouldn't be a nice feeling. I shouldn't have run away. Not last night and not today. I was only complicating thing even more. We could figure out everything by talking, but I was not ready for that.

What would I even tell him? I love you? Yes, I do... but in my mind it has always been as a friend, or I've always convinced myself that it's just as my best friend. He couldn't possibly like me. He always manages to find himself a girlfriend and I'm back to dealing with it.

I finally turned on my side at eight in the morning to try to get some sleep. It felt like a blink of an eye before Kate was shaking me awake.