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She could look at the photo forever and he wouldn't appear in front of her on command.
"Yongyong-ah, have you got your pencils?"
"Ne, Chef."
"Erasers?"
"Ne, Chef."
"Have you seen my wallet?"
"Ne, Chef."
Jayoung pointed at the old Chinese's hand where his wallet was, and he just looked back at her dumbfounded. He looked quite young when he put on a white slim hoodie like that. The old man just ran around the house, looking for whatever that was already in her backpack.
"Chef, don't worry about it. I got everything."
"What do you mean freaking out? I'm not freaking out!"
"I didn't say that..." the girl whispered and quietly giggled to herself as she got to the standing mirror. The chocolate on her hair was fading away. Maybe she should highlight it, change it to another colour. A distraction was always nice.
Chan and Chenchen were, of course, not making it easy for the old chef to work as he tried to jump away from the constant licking and clawing. "I swear to god I will cook both of you."
"Chef, I'm good to go." bringing the chef to her home wasn't exactly a good idea since he didn't get to have his beauty sleep, but it was harder to say no when he literally threatened to eat her dogs if she didn't let him bring her to school today.
The girl felt a little flustered as she watched the old chef got on his motorcycle. Once again, she shouldn't be surprised but she had expected Chef Kai or Chef Tao with a moto, not the old Chinese. All she had known about his transportation was the bus. The fact just blew her mind. Moreover, she wanted to question the chef that was more nervous than her if he should be driving at all, but the helmet was on her head and the straps were clasped gently when she looked up at the old chef.
"Don't let go. Or die."
"Ay~~ Chef~~"
The old Chinese could be extremely explicit and out of context sometimes that it never failed to baffle her.
She should be scared at the fact that Chef's driving, but the girl found exhilarating. She should be scared about the exam she had to do in an hour, but she felt nothing. She should be freaking out, but it was empty for her at the moment.
The wind pushed against her hair. The sun was bright and shining. The neighbourhood blurred past as she hung on to the old chef.
She felt eyes looking at her.
She didn't know if it was because of the fact that everyone finally knew of the arranged marriage. Or the fact that she was already a divorcee at eighteen. Or the fact that her parents cut her off. Or the fact that there was a really handsome strange old man brushing the dirt off her uniform. But at this point, she learned not to care as the old Chef taught her so.
"Aiyoo~~ My little Yonggiyong~~" Chef helped her out with the helmet and combed her freaky hair back to its more natural state. "Don't panic, okay?"
The girl just chuckled at her grumpy chef shaking hands on her shoulders. "Chef, I told you. I'm good. Don't worry about me."
"Oh, my god. How could I not?"
She knew what he meant by that. The girl tried hard. This past month without Minseok was more than a strain on her. Everything hit her in so many directions she didn't know how to react. And at this point, she could only stare and take it like she used to.
Chef then kneeled down and took her hands in his. "You'll do fine, alright? When you're done, take the bus and come back to me straight away, got it?"
"Ne." she could hear words. People walking by saying things, but she tried not to listen to them and focused on the proud chef that was smiling at her.
"You'll get through it." and with one final hug, she waved at the chef who refused to leave before she disappeared into the school building.
It was the final exam anyway. There was no point in feeling shame and attacked anymore. It was almost over. She should be able to handle it.
The exams past by like a blur.
She wished it was a quick blur.
Every time she looked up to read the clock, she saw Minseok waving at her cheering her on.
It had been happening for a few weeks. She should go and see a doctor, but it was just her thoughts. It wasn't too bad.
Minseok left just as quick as he appeared.
The girl walked away from the classroom, the exam finally over. As she got to the entrance, she could have sworn it was him in the familiar Mercedes even though she knew that he got rid of the car already. Another blink and he was gone.
Her head pressed against the cold window as the snow gradually fell before her eyes. It was getting colder. The winter slowly seeping into everyone's lives just as the hole in her heart bit by bit grew tired and distant. And she couldn't stop thinking about him.
The cold would freeze his hair. The snow would seep into his warm skin. The wind would blow him back. The harsh weather would hurt him just like his absence did to her. Her heart ached at the thought of his lips turning blue and dry as he had to run across the field and train. His eyes would tear up at the freezing season and she couldn't be there to keep him warm. She wanted to bring his frosty hands and keep them in her pockets and let him nestle on her shoulders.
She was on the roof of Chef's restaurant, trying to imagine Minseok and how he had spent all of his sleepless nights drinking with Chef.
"So have you picked a college?" The old chef made the beer looked so tasty with the way he closed his eyes and hummed at the flavour lighting up his pallets.
"Ne." she simply dug into the Chef Kai's infamous Korean barbeque cooked specifically just for her and Chef, melting into the meat had her heart beat again after so much stress. "The entrance exam is in a month."
"You'll pass. I know my student well."
She didn't expect her parents to cut her off so late. She had always known they didn't like her. She was the one who helped Doyoung ran away after all. She made their one son run away. Of course, they hated her.
Suho and Minseok didn't blink when they said they would help, but she still found it too much. She didn't feel that deserving of any of their aid. As much as she was grateful of the things given to her, the girl couldn't help feeling it was too much. At one point, she shouldn't be taking any of this.
The full scholarship was going to be hard to obtain, but she would do everything to get it.
"You know, I found a job I thought will teach you something about the kitchen." Her ears perked at the words, her heart beat at the idea, but her mind just told her she wasn't worthy of the job. Chef should just let someone else do the work. "You'll start working after you're done with your entrance exam."
She was mad certainly that the old chef didn't give her a choice, but at the same time, she was grateful that he did so, knowing that she would say no to the job.
On the windowsill, she looked up to the moon, hoping that he was seeing the same thing. The books and the blanket weren't enough to keep her warm.
With the Chan and Chenchen slept right below her, she smiled at the adorable creatures, but they still weren't enough to keep her company.
That night she closed her eyes, waiting to see him in another world where he was right beside her.
