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I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE how I got here

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I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE how I got here. Anxious, aroused, sitting in my best friend's truck (heat blasting so we don't get sick from the pool) as we make our way to his house so we can have sex. Again.

I'm not even sure if I want this. Even as I sit bundled up in his coat, wrapped around his lavender scent, I question if my curiosity is my own or his overwhelming me.

Of all the thoughts and emotions running rampant inside me, one thing is certain. I knew something was different about us, him, ever since we slept together. The times I'd convinced myself that there was no way that Lucas was attracted to me, I was just ignoring the blatant signs he'd been putting out there. The long looks and subtle hints. Him suggesting that I use him as my pretend boyfriend. How was that even a solution to my problems?

It wasn't. It was a way for him to casually suggest what he's wanted all along.

Me in his bed.

And here I am wondering if this heat I feel is for him, left over from Mason, or both intertwined in one confusing mess.

How does he do it? One day, I'm satisfied with our platonic relationship. Now, he's managed to arouse me into thinking that I want to sleep with him because we might have real chemistry.

Was it the intensity of his emerald eyes or the way he parted his lips just enough to imply that he wanted to kiss me? And the way he kisses, it's an art of seduction by itself. The way he holds my face with so much confidence and reassurance made me dizzy and stupid enough to kiss him right back.

For years, I've sat by and watched him work girls with ease; self-assured that I was immune to his charms as his best friend. I was wrong. It's like I can't tell him no even when I truly want to.

Lucas is dangerous. He's very dangerous.

When we reach his house, we scurry inside from the cold and the first thing I do is stop him as he tries to peel his coat off of me.

"W-wait," I demand.

Lucas throws me a look of surprise and hesitates. "Sorry. Am I moving too fast?"

"I want to know something first."

"Okay." He clears his throat and folds his arms as if he weren't trying to undress me the second we walked through the door. "What's up?"

"Do you have feelings for me?" There's no time to sensor the question before it's off my tongue and my fears await his answer. The only answer that can save him from the distorted image he's becoming in my mind.

"No," he says with ease and without a single shift in his expression. "I have feelings for Amber. This is just...physical."

"Oh. Okay." So that's not it. Emotion refuses to fill my chest, but there's a sudden weight in my lungs. I'm just another girl to sleep with.

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