Pepper never meant to lose her best friend. Lucas never meant to fall in love.
Yet the aftermath of broken hearts leads them to blur the lines of their friendship forever. When Pepper is dumped by her boyfriend and Lucas is led on by his crush, they...
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WHAT DOES IT MEAN when you steadily run out of emotions? Ever since Thanksgiving, I find myself staring at nothing for extended periods of time, waiting for a thought or flicker of feeling to hit me. Any sensation that'll tell me I'm alive. My chest is...hollow. Sometimes I forget to breathe or blink or even move while staring at my bedroom ceiling. At first, I thought I was scared. Scared of what's to come. Though if I am scared, my heart should be racing, right? Surely, Lucas would say something or ask if I was okay.
So I must be fine.
I'm just going through a weird phase right now.
"Pepper?"
I blink fast.
"Pepper? Hello? Are you okay?"
I look over to Lena as she unbuckles her seatbelt and twists to me. "Do you not want to go in or something?"
I look out the windshield to Amber's house. "N-no. This is fine."
"It must be weird hanging out with her." She collapses in her seat while pushing back her bangs. "Hell, even I feel pretty bad."
"It does feel bad," I admit. So many times since the sleepover, I've wanted to tell Amber the truth. I have to. It's not right. She's so nice to us, and I'm doing something so sick behind her back. "I feel like a terrible person."
Lena reaches over to rub my arm. I remind myself that she's a friend. Her touch isn't meant to harm me. This is okay. "The truth is hard," she says. "Doesn't make you a bad person 'cause you can't admit it. Just makes you human."
"Aren't humans inherently selfish and self-centered?"
She scowls and looks at me like I just spoke an alien language. "Since when did you become a pessimist? I thought people were made out of sunshine and rainbows."
I pull my arm away and glance out the foggy window as snow drifts around us. "I thought they were. Some people are...hard to give the benefit of the doubt."
Lucas isn't a bad person. He's just misguiding his emotions. I'm trying to give him time, room to see what he's doing to us, but the harder he pushes his objective, the more I hurt. Upholding my punishment is becoming excruciating to deal with. I don't want to cut him off. I love him too much to. We've spent so many years by each other's side. How can I feel so sick now? How can I fix this? I just want my best friend back.
"Oh, Pep." Lena reaches over and wipes under my eye, startling me out of my gaze. "You don't have to do this."
I wipe my eyes quickly, unsure of when I started crying. "No, it's fine. Really." I clear my throat and throw on a smile for extra measure. "It just sucks, I guess. I feel like our friend group is falling apart. Like there are tiny little cracks in our foundation with water seeping out of them." I look down at my hands. "I-I only have two hands to cover them, but there are a million cracks just getting bigger and bigger, and-and I can't stop them. It's just...overwhelming."
