If You Are Anything Like Me

16: I Watched Him Fall For Someone Else

#IYAALM 16: I Watched Him Fall For Someone Else

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❝ If you are anything like me,
Watching someone you love fall for someone else,
Darling, would you let them go?
Or would you hold them tight?❞

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SABI nga nila, dumaan man ang bagyo, matapos man ang lindol, at maupos man ang sunog, tuloy pa rin ang buhay. Killian gave me the break I wanted, I didn't go anywhere else, I just continued surviving. I needed money for the hospital bills, medications, tuitions, and to support my family. Why would I suddenly go to some vacation while everything was still a mess?

It was still the same scenario, I haven't had a good night sleep for weeks, I haven't eaten a proper meal at all, but still, I was thankful to be breathing. Georgina and Deus were still worried about me. I was sure Deus told the story to Georgina, but they respected my privacy. They were still helping me. Hinahayaan ko lang, tahimik lang ako, patuloy lang sa ginagawa.

At least, Javier's now at home. Lahat ng pera na naipon ko, naubos kasi 'yun 'yung pinambayad ko para makalabas s'ya kaagad ng hospital, hindi s'ya makakalabas ng hindi bayad lahat eh. Kaya ngayon, 'yung mga gamot naman n'ya ang prinoproblema ko. Mahal kasi, tapos marami rin. It was confirmed that he has partial seizure. My heart broke. Of all people, why him? We had no choice but to accept it, kahit papaano alam na namin kung ano'ng sakit ni Javier.

My Mama tried to be strong, but I knew she was barely hanging on. She became more attentive and caring to Javier. Minsan nagbibiro si Javier na okay na naman. Pero minsan, bigla na lang s'yang nawawala sa sarili at natutulala ng ilang saglit. We kept reminding him that if he ever feels like that he should inform us, I wouldn't want to witness him, dropping on the floor.

I even bought some safety edges and tapes to cover the dangerous appliances and furniture in our house. It was terrifying to think, that Javier might suddenly fall. Sobrang delikado, paano kung mabagok ang ulo n'ya? Baka hindi ko kayanin, baka hindi kayanin ng puso ni Mama. Napabuntonghininga na lang ako. Ang dami kailangan ayusin at bayaran.

"Kumakain ka pa ba?" I was calculating the finances in our dining table one night, when my Papa suddenly appeared. I smiled at him and nodded. Barely. Barely eating, but still eating, hindi naman ako nagsinungaling no'n 'di ba?

"Hayaan mo kami ni Mama mo, ang mamroblema sa ganito." He went to the cupboard to get a mug. Then he poured some water on it. "Pasensya ka na ah? Wala nang gatas eh," he informed me with a heavy tone. I accepted the water.

"Okay na 'to, 'Pa, mas nakaka-hydrate." Niyakap ko ang baiwang n'ya habang nakatayo s'ya. I loved my Papa's warmth. I wanted to be a child again even for a few seconds. He just hummed a song and tapped my hair a little. Napangiti ako. Kahit ano'ng mangyari, alam kong hindi ako pababayaan ng pamilya ko. Basta nandito sila, patuloy akong tatakbo, patuloy akong susugal sa laro ng buhay.

The next day, I went to work early. Binabad ko ang sarili sa trabaho. Palaging gano'n, ilang linggo na naman ang lumipas na puro trabaho ang iniisip ko. Javier went back to school, too. Sachi was there taking care of him, but still, not sacrificing her studies. That was her promise to Javier, and to me. I was relieved, even though, I wouldn't want Javier to return in school yet. Kaso mapilit 'yung kapatid ko eh.

I was here at the restaurant now, playing the piano. My head was aching, but I wanted to continue working. Muntik na akong matumba kanina no'ng maglakad ako para uminom, mabuti na lang kaya pa rin. I hid my headache while playing the piano. When it was break, I was with Deus, he pushed me to eat. I didn't have energy to argue.