If You Are Anything Like Me

17: Breathing, Freedom, and Pain, I Never Said Out Loud

#IYAALM17: Of Breathing, Freedom, and Pain I Never Said Out Loud

✿ ♥ ✿

❝If you are anything like me,
Keeping things bottled up and unsaid,
Darling, why don't you try and say it?
It might hurt, but eventually,
It will make you free.❞

✿ ♥ ✿

"HI," he greeted when he saw me for the first time again, after everything fell apart. He was looking at me, like I was a new person in his eyes. I smiled awkwardly. Halos pagpawisan ang mga kamay ko na nasa likod ko. I was wearing a simple white dress that was above my knees. Killian was with his usual white summer polo.

He opened the car's door for me. "Thanks," I murmured softly. Killian was still looking at me like I would disappear from his eyes. I chuckled, and caressed his face. "I missed you so much." Nakangiting sambit ko, he finally smiled, and kissed my cheeks.

"I missed you so much," he whispered. Then he went to the driver's seat. Sa wakas, mukha na s'yang nakahinga at masaya akong kinausap nang magsimula kaming mag-travel. He wanted to go to a beach. I agreed, the weather was really nice, and perfect for it. I wanted to fix our issues first, aalalahanin ko 'yung mga bayarin namin kapag nakauwi na kami. Ayoko na kasing patagalin pa ang lahat.

We stopped at a rest area first, and we were laughing at some random topics like our trips from before. Parang bumalik lahat sa dati, masaya lang. Nagkukulitan lang, walang inaalalang problema. It was so good. I really missed it. He would even tease me and put some ice-cream to the bridge of my nose. I would pout but he'd kiss my lips. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam.

When we were back on the road, I connected my phone to his car to play music. I only chose upbeat ones and danced to it a little, and Killian would sing out of tune. God, this was what we had before. I thought we'd always have this... until shit happened. Mas lalo kong na-appreciate ang mga simpleng ginagawa namin no'n dahil dito.

It was the little things we always did that I took for granted, I realized how important it was this moment. His scent filled my nose, it was so refreshing. It reminded me when we were starting. Ang dami pala naming ginawa dati na sobrang nagpasaya sa puso ko. Nakalimutan ko pala lahat ng mga 'yun dahil sa problema.

Our little car travels. I wanted to learn how to drive, but Killian would always tease me that we'd travel to heaven, when I have the wheels. Silly him.

The smell of the popcorn and our hands touching when we were at the movie theater. It was so awkward back then to touch his hand, but it became one of my favourites. The smiles he'd give me after a tiring shift from work. Ah, finally home. I'd always think.

The food he'd cook for me, and the times we'd look at the bright sky, and the dark sky. Those were the things I forgot. The little moments. The things that I thought I'd always have, but suddenly stopped.

Why? It was because of me. I should have known. I should have been the mature one. Ang hirap pala tanggalin sa sistema mo 'yung mga bagay na nakasanayan mo.

Sanay nga ako, bago naman kay Killian ang lahat nang 'yun, hindi ko naisip na pwede palang 'yun ang ikasira at ikagulo namin. I discovered a lot of things hoping to make things right, I hope, I wasn't too late.

"Anong iniisip mo?" Killian suddenly voiced out when I was silent. Napangiti ako.

"Ikaw." He held my hand and kissed the back of it. "I missed you." Mahinang sambit n'ya kaya naman hinalikan ko rin ang likod ng kamay n'ya tapos natawa s'ya sa akin.