To: Spider-Dweeb (P. Parker x Reader)

✆ 𝙰 𝙻𝚊𝚛𝚐𝚎 𝙰𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝙼𝚘𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚜 ✆

✆ Ｔｅｘｔ✆
╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
╚ Bold- thor ╝

THOT
*THOR
YOU KNOW WHAT? THOT WORKS JUST AS WELL
THOT HOEDINSON
LOVE OF MY LIFE
MY GODLY ALIEN KING FATHER
PLEASE ANSWER ME YOU MAJESTIC LIGHTNING BOI

What?

I. Want. To. Meet. The. Aliens.

You're talking to one rn

Let me rephrase that
I want to meet the space morons that you told me about
Do they have phones? Probably not
I still want to text them tho

Uh they probably can't do that

Please

ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴅᴅᴇᴅ sᴘɪᴅᴇʀ-ᴅᴡᴇᴇʙ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀsᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

Peter
Please, Mr. Thor

Please, Thot Hoedinson, seductive god of thunder

Thor
Who told you about that

...Bruce

Thor
That bitch

Peter
GASP
Mr. Thor dare you

Thor
I'm not taking it back
He knows he's a bitch

Dr. Bitch Banner
Anyways ALIENS!!!!

Peter
I have to show other Peter the music of my people
And we need to start a club for losers that are named Peter

I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE TREES

Thor
I'll figure something out real quick then

Yay!

Peter
Thank you!!

Thor
Ok their numbers or whatever the Hel they're using are in your contacts now

I'm having flashbacks to my interrogation

Peter
Huh it is extremely creepy now that it's happened to me

ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴅᴅᴇᴅ ǫᴜɪʟʟ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀsᴀᴛɪᴏɴ
ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴅᴅᴇᴅ ᴅʀᴀx ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀsᴀᴛɪᴏɴ
ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴅᴅᴇᴅ ᴍᴀɴᴛɪs ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀsᴀᴛɪᴏɴ
ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴅᴅᴇᴅ ɢᴀᴍᴏʀᴀ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀsᴀᴛɪᴏɴ
ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴅᴅᴇᴅ ʀᴏᴄᴋᴇᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀsᴀᴛɪᴏɴ
ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴅᴅᴇᴅ ɢʀᴏᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀsᴀᴛɪᴏɴ
ʏᴏᴜ ᴀᴅᴅᴇᴅ ɴᴇʙᴜʟᴀ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀsᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

Peter
Hello inferior Peter and friends
It is I, superior Peter

SPACE GANG!!
I'm (Y/n)
Just a boring human that's not even a "superhero"
I just befriend all of them