To: Spider-Dweeb (P. Parker x Reader)

✆ 𝙻𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝙰 𝙼𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝙰𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚃𝚘𝚗𝚎 ✆

✆ VOICEMAIL ✆
╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
╚ Bold- peter ╝

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system
(xxx) xxx-xxxx is not available
At the tone, please record your message
When you are finished recording you may hand up, or press one for more options *beep*

Hey, Peter
I know you can't answer the phone right now because you're fighting whatever the hell that monstrosity the news is reporting on but I don't know

I don't know why I'm even calling, I just felt like I had to

Why does the news even go live when you're beating the crap out of these guys?
Do they want to die?

Ouch, you just got flung into a brick building
That had to hurt

How do you get up and keep on fighting after shit like that happens?

I would probably just stare into the void or something after being thrown into the wall
Or maybe I would just start crying and die

Oh, my hot pockets are ready!
I'm gonna go get those real quick
You better not do something stupid while I walk away from the TV

And now I'm back to watching you
You look so facking hot beating that guy up
THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND Y'ALL!

Can you feel my heart eyes over the phone?
I'm giving TV you heart eyes right now
God, I love you so much

The news is now calling this dude Electro
Kinda stupid if you ask me
Every villain name is stupid because they decided a life of crime was a good idea

HELL YEAH!
BEAT THAT SHIT UP!
MY BOYFRIEND IS A BADASS!
TAKE THAT ELECTRO!

And you just face planted into the sidewalk...
You just had to ruin the mood

I wanna fight bad guys
It looks fun
I have a lot of pent up anger I could take out on these guys
Just saying
Maybe you should give me a call next time you're fighting someone
I can stab them with my daggers

I love my daggers
My parents think it's weird that I keep them next to my bed but I gotta be prepared
You never know when you might have to defend yourself in the middle of the night

Would I be considered a target since I'm friends with the Avengers?
I should ask Tony to upgrade my security system

Harley just texted me and asked if I was thirsting over you right now
I replied, "Why? Are you?"
He's probably going to kill me when I next see him

Kia and Vela are watching you too
Thought you needed to know that
You should get a dog
Dogs are great
Or you should get a cat
Either are good
Your pet chicken needs a friend

Haha your webs are so weird
How sticky are they?
You're webbing me to the wall tomorrow just so I can know how they work
I gotta make sure they're up to corporate standards

I finished my hot pockets and you're still fighting?
Weak

I need more Spider-Man merch
We're going shopping for some Spider-Man merch tomorrow as well
I need to support my man