It's Harder Breathing Next To You // KELLIC

14

I was nervous, to say the least. I was weighing up the pros and cons of starting something with Vic and now I was in my math class and I still haven't come up with a decision yet. I wanted to say yes, but it was so risky. This is Vic Fuentes we're talking about. He's the most feared person in school. I'd be stupid to say yes. On the one hand, he's shown this caring side and he makes me feel better about myself. Then again he's also proven he can easily make me feel terrible within seconds.

I put my head in my hands and gripped my hair. As if math wasn't hard enough, now I have to deal with this too. At least I haven't seen Vic so far today, which is a good thing because I have no idea what I'm going to say to him. The bell rang signaling the end of class. I still had another three classes until I technically had to see Vic, but I knew his style by now though, so I wasn't surprised when I walked out of the class room and he was leaning against the lockers opposite me. My eyes connected with his. He was just looking back at me with that unreadable, emotionless face which I've come to loathe. I hate not being able to tell what people are thinking.

For a second I considered ignoring him, but I knew I had to talk to him sometime. This would be so much easier if I could make up my mind. I was frozen in my place in the middle of the hallway with people bumping into me as they scurried along to their next class. I looked at some of the people passing by. Some of them gave me a look of sympathy. They probably think Vic is out to get me again or something. Eventually the halls cleared out and we were left alone.

"Hi." I was the first one to speak. My voice was soft and quiet. It was kind of awkward, until he finally smiled.

"Hey." He chuckled. Now that we were alone, his usual demeanor was gone and he relaxed. He came over to me and took my hand which wasn't holding books and we walked down the hall together, him going a little faster than I was. He led me into a bathroom and after checking it was empty he turned to me, still holding my hand.

"So, last night." He hesitated. "Did you think about what I said?"

"Kind of." I shrugged.

He led me over to the bench and took my books off of me. He threw them on the counter and turned me so my back was against it. He put both of his hands on either side of me and stood close so I couldn't escape. My hand instantly felt lonely without his. That doesn't sound like the thoughts of someone who was going to reject him.

"Talk to me." He ordered.

I looked away from him as nerves took over once again. Here's the thing, I've kissed a boy before, once, that's it. So everything that's happening right now is completely new to me. I've never had someone actually want something more with me. And I've never had a boy have this kind of effect on me, you know, the one where his mere presence makes it so difficult to breathe.

"Did you decide?" He asked.

"No." I said, almost laughing. "I can't decide. You're just so..."

"I'm so..." He urged me to go on.

"Confusing." I said, looking at him again. "You keep doing stupid things to hurt me and I just...I don't know if I can trust you"

He smiled and lightly bit his lip. Wait, I say I can't trust him and he smiles? He moved even closer towards me, pressing his body against mine. If he's trying to make me even more nervous then he sure as hell is doing a good job of it.

"Babe, I'm standing awfully close to you right now and I see no signs of that adorable, frightened look in your eyes. So you must trust me at least a little bit." He said. My face flushed the second he called me babe. I hated that name, but I loved it when he said it to me.

"Maybe I just got better at hiding it?" I questioned.

"You can't hide anything. You're an open book." He said.

"I am not." I defended.

"Sure you are. It's easy to read your mind. For example, right now you're arguing with me to change the topic in the hopes that I'll forget why I started talking to you in the first place. And now you're thinking 'oh crap, he's on to me' and now, oh, yep, that's your 'he's an idiot' face." He said.

"Well you are an idiot." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Come on, Kellin. Don't leave me hanging." His hands moved to my hips and he rubbed his thumbs along them slowly. His touch does unexplainable things to me.

"Ugh this isn't fair! You're basically seducing me into saying yes." I complained.

"And is it working?" He asked. His lips lightly brushed across mine and my heart skipped a beat. His fingers trailed up my sides and rested on my shoulders. I let out an involuntary gasp and pushed him away.

"Still with the touching thing?" He asked.

"N-no. It's nothing. We should get back to class." I went to walk around him but he held me in place, back against the bench. His eyebrows furrowed together in concern before he gently pulled the collar of my shirt down and examined the marks my dad left there.

"Don't." I said before he could proclaim his homicidal tendencies upon my father.

"Does it hurt?" He asked. His fingers lightly brushed against one of the light-blue colored bruises.

"Not really." I said honestly.

His eyes flicked back to mine and he lightly bit his bottom lip. That was something I was beginning to learn about him. He'd bite his lip when he was coming to a decision in his head. He leant forward and ducked his head down slightly and kissed one of the marks. I shivered and my skin went all tingly. He tenderly littered my bruised skin with kisses until he went up to my neck and kissed it.

"You need to not do that." I breathed.

"Why?" He kissed the same spot again. "Does it turn you on?" The cuteness was gone as he pushed himself into me.

"No." I lied.

He kissed my jaw and moved to my lips, but didn't kiss them. I leant back against the counter-top on my elbows, supporting myself because my knees had gone weak. Oh god, why does he do this to me?

"Your move." He whispered.

"You're not good for me." I blurted out.

"How do you know if you don't try?" He asked, as per normal having an excellent point. I was giving in to him quickly. I knew from the second I asked him to kiss me last night that this was a done deal.

I titled my head up and kissed him, giving him his answer. My eyes closed as he kissed me back deeply. He wrapped his hands around my waist and mine were around his neck, tangled in his hair. The kiss did everything I knew it would; the butterflies in my stomach, my heart was going wild and my body was trying not to shake.

It wasn't until the bell rang that we realized we had been making out for a lot longer than we thought. His lips left mine, but his body didn't as we tried to catch our breath.

"You're sitting with me and the others at lunch now, hope you know that." He said through his heavy breathing.

"Okay." I breathed.

"And I'm driving you home." It wasn't a question.

"Okay." I spoke again. I swear at this second I would say 'okay' to anything he said.

Vic pushed himself away from me and a second later two students walked into the bathrooms. I turned around quickly, pretending to wash my hands. I glanced at myself in the mirror. My lips were swollen, but for once there was a real smile on them.

——

"Why aren't you eating?" Vic asked me in the cafeteria at lunch time. I was sitting directly across from him. Jaime was to his right and Tony was to his left. Mike was sitting next to me, on my left. Jaime and Tony had welcomed me warmly and I quickly realized they weren't as tough and scary as I thought.

"Not hungry." Was all I said.

"You're stick thin. Eat something." He ordered.

"You're skinny too, you eat something." I shot back.

"I'm skinny no matter how much I eat. Now would you go and get something to eat?" He asked, well, more like demanded.

"No." I said crossing my arms over my chest. I actually had quite a lot for breakfast so I wasn't hungry in the slightest. I knew I would be by the afternoon though.

Vic and I stared at each other, both of us being as stubborn as the other, but I knew I would win because he can't exactly force me to eat...can he?

"Wow." Jaime interjected. Vic and I both looked at him. He was looking back and forth between the two of us with a cheesy grin on his face.

"I knew you too hooked up." Jaime said. If I was actually eating something I probably would have choked on it. Instead, my eyes went wide and I looked at Vic. I then looked at Tony who read my mind and nodded, giving me my answer, but I still asked Vic anyway.

"Wait...they, um, they..." I didn't want to finish the sentence.

"We know he's a flaming homo? Oh yeah." Jaime said as if it were nothing. My jaw dropped slightly and I looked at Vic.

"I don't keep secrets from them." He shrugged. He may not keep secrets but I have told no one about my sexuality, well except for Vic...and then Mike and his mom saw us...and now Jaime and Tony know. Jesus fucking Christ, who else knows?

I lowered my eyes away from their gazes. I wasn't used to this, any of this. I wasn't used to people knowing I'm even in a relationship with someone, let alone that I'm gay, and now these people who are almost complete strangers know. Vic might trust them, but I don't. I don't trust anyone. I felt Vic's, or what I hoped was Vic's, foot rubbing against my leg. I looked up at him to see him looking back with a concerned look. I shook my head, dismissing the look.

The bell could not have rung at a more perfect time. I shot up from the seat, quickly said my goodbyes and scurried off to my next class by myself, realizing that that was a stupid idea because my next class was music, with Vic. It turned out I didn't have to worry about that though because he didn't even show up to class.

—-

After school that day I waited unnecessarily long to leave my last class and I slowly walked down the halls by myself. Vic said he was going to drive me home, but I wanted to give him the option to leave without me if he wanted to. I was starting to think that maybe he was mad at me because I went quiet at lunch without an explanation. God I really suck at this relationship stuff, I mean, that's if Vic and I are actually in a real relationship. I don't even know.

I walked out of the school building and looked at the parking lot. Standing at Vic's car was both Fuentes' brothers. There weren't a whole lot of other people around.

"Hey, Kellin!" Mike called out.

I walked over to the two of them and looked at Vic cautiously. He had that blank look on his face again.

"You get to ride shotgun." He said, before opening the door for me. I didn't argue. I just got in the car without another word.

"Kellin, you should come over this afternoon." Mike said from the back seat as we drove down the road.

"I can't. My dad is expecting me." I said.

I glanced at Vic. He was staring at the road, but he gripped the steering wheel tighter. Great, thanks Mike, you just angered the fucking dragon.

"That's too bad." Mike said in defeat.

Vic stopped at his place first and let out Mike. I waved goodbye from the window and moments later we were speeding off towards my house. I looked at Vic. He glanced at me quickly before pulling off on the side of the road. We were in suburbia so there weren't any other people or cars around, but I was still confused as to why he stopped right here

"What was wrong with you today?" He asked angrily. I just shrugged.

"No, don't fucking shrug. You stopped talking to me. What did I do?" He asked. He was mad.

"Nothing, you did nothing. It was just that, I don't know." I stopped and sighed in frustration. It shouldn't be this difficult to talk to him.

"Tell me." His voice was softer this time. He took my hand and laced his fingers with mine. He gave me a reassuring look. Ugh! How can he do that? How can he go from pissed off to kind and sweet within seconds?

"Okay," I said and turned my body towards him. "The thing is, I haven't told anyone, ever about...well you know, and then suddenly you, Mike and your parents know, which is okay. But then Jaime and Tony know too. That's way too many people knowing for my liking. I mean, I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to come out of the closet yet."

He gave a small smile and leant forward to lightly peck my lips before leaning back again.

"I trust Tony and Jaime with my life. They would never tell anyone, ever. And I'm not ready for everyone to find out either. It's not like we're going to go and tell the whole school, because trust me, I don't want my reputation to be ruined. I never would have told Jaime and Tony if I didn't 100% trust them. I know that you don't trust me, but at least trust me on this." He finished.

I sighed, resting my head against the car seat. I believe everything he just said. Although, the part about him not wanting to ruin his reputation bothered me a little bit, but I guess I can understand.

"Who else knows?" I asked.

"Other than exes, no one." He said.

"How many exes do you have?" I asked curiously.

"Um," He paused and looked like he was thinking. "One."

One. Only one other boy managed to snag him. What was so special about this one boy and why hadn't he had any other boyfriends and why was I all of a sudden good enough for him to date. I mean, he seems like a little bit of a player so I assumed he would have had more.

"But." He interrupted my thoughts. "He's not as cute as you." He said with a cheeky smile and kissed me.