It's Harder Breathing Next To You // KELLIC

30

"Hi Kellin. I think we need to have a little chat about your boyfriend." Jenna said with an innocent smile on her face. My heart and stomach dropped. She knows? How did she find out? What is she going to do? Oh shit. Oh fuck.

"I live across the street, Kellin. Maybe if you weren't too busy making out in Vic's car every morning and afternoon then you would have noticed me." She said.

"Keep your voice down." I scolded her. I nudged her out the door and closed it behind us. I looked to her and I'm pretty sure she saw the fear in my eyes.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I lied.

"Sweetie, please, I'm not an idiot so don't treat me like one." She said. She still had this innocent look about her so I thought for a second that maybe she would keep the secret.

"Y-you aren't going to, like, tell anyone, are you?" I asked.

"Well, that was my initial plan." She said in a sickly bubbly voice, "But I have another proposition for you."

I was shaking, I know I was. I had a bad feeling about this. I knew that behind that preppy, up-beat persona there was a whole lot of evil and I was about to find out exactly how she was going to ruin my life.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Break up with him." She said quickly as if it were no big deal. She wants to me to break up with him? No fucking way in hell!

"No." I snapped, glaring at her. I knew I fucking hated her from the moment I met her. She just gave me another smile.

"Then I'll tell the whole school." She said. I was really fucking sick of her now.

"Go right ahead, I don't care." I said. She kept the grin on her face, not faltering at all at my lack of co-operation.

"But Vic does. How do you think Vic would feel if he found out you were the reason he lost all of his power and became the target of ridicule? How would he feel when he found out you could have prevented it? We both know what Vic is like. His rep means more to him than anything." She said. She was 100% right. Vic's reputation at school means everything to him. He's like the head honcho and I know he doesn't want to give it up.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, gritting my teeth.

"Because I'm in love with him. I was in love with him before you came to this school and it's not fair that you have him when he should be mine." She said.

"You're crazy. He's gay, Jenna, he doesn't like you. He'll never like you." I said venomously.

"That's where you're wrong. I remember that red-haired tramp. I knew he dated her for a while. I used to see them around town together all the time, so you can't tell me he's only into guys." She said.

"That was a long time ago." I pointed out.

"Maybe so, but still, once you break up with him he'll be so upset and who will be there to comfort him? Me, of course." She said. Insane. She's fucking insane!

"I can't break up with him. Please, Jenna, just forget all of this. If you really love Vic then you should be happy that he's happy." I pleaded with her, but I can tell from the look in her eye that she didn't care.

"My conditions still stand. It better be over by tomorrow afternoon or I'll end it, and him, myself. And don't even think about running to him and telling him about this conversation because I'll find out, believe me, I'll find out, and then I'll tell the whole school your secret and it will ruin him, and you'll be to blame. How much do you really care about your lover boy?" She asked.

I didn't answer her. I was shaking with anger and if she didn't leave soon then I knew I would snap and hurt her or something. After a moment she just smiled at me and shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, toodles." She left, skipping across to her house. Vic and I should have been more careful. I should have at least known who my fucking neighbours were! I stormed back into the house, rage fueling me. I ignored my dad's questions and went straight to my room. Luckily he didn't follow.

I took my phone out of my pocket and my first instinct was to call Vic. I know he'd be good in a high pressure situation like this, but I didn't call him. What if I called him and told him about what happened and then he'd go off at Jenna and then she'd tell everyone our secret? It would destroy Vic, absolutely destroy everything he's worked for at that school. I sighed, sitting down on my bed. I can't believe that fucking witch! What am I supposed to do? I don't want to break our hearts by breaking up with Vic, but it might be the only way. I can't hurt him by letting his secret out. I can't do that to him. If only I could explain everything to him, but no, Jenna would find out. Ugh this is such a fucking mess!

—-

I sat in the cafeteria at lunch time the next day next to Vic, barely eating anything. I was hardly even moving to be honest. I was staring at a spot on the table for so long that I was starting to go into a daze.

"What's wrong with you today?" Vic asked, nudging me. My eyes shot up and I looked directly at Jenna. She was looking at us from her table. She slowly shook her head and tapped her watched with a wicked grin on her face. I'm running out of time, I know.

"Nothing." I muttered a response. I could feel Vic's eyes boring into me, but he didn't ask me anything else. My heart was breaking with every extra second I spent with him. I don't know when I'm going to do it and I don't know how I'm going to do it, I just knew it had to be done. I tried not to think of the consequences. I tried not to think of how upset I'll be or how mad Vic will be. I'm going to hurt him so much, but in the long run it'll be better for him. Our relationship probably wouldn't have lasted anyway.

A single tear dropped from my eye and I wiped it away before anyone noticed. Vic put his hand on my thigh and gave it a comforting squeeze. Usually I would have relaxed, but this time I didn't. I squirmed away from him and didn't look at him to see the rejection I knew would be on his face. I'm sure I'll get the same look this afternoon.

The bell finally rang and I just had to make it through music class and I'll be alright for a couple of hours...until this afternoon. What am I even going to say to him? Yesterday we were completely happy with each other. I'm a terrible liar! He'll never believe that I want to break up with him. How can I do this? I can't, but I know I have to, for him.

I found myself ditching Vic, muttering some nonsense about having to use the bathroom. I ran into one of them and locked myself in one of the cubicles before the tears started spilling from my eyes. I hate Jenna so fucking much! What kind of person messes with people like this?! Why can't Vic and I just be happy for once? We had one week straight where we didn't argue, that's it. One week where things were fine and now that's being ripped away. I could feel my shattered heart being stomped on over and over again by an evil miniature Jenna.

"Kels?" Vic's voice came from outside the cubicle. Oh god, why does he have to use that calming tone with me? I kept my mouth shut, backing into the wall as far as I could go, although there was a door in the way.

"Kellin, I know you're in there. I'm here if you want to talk." He said. I held back a sob. He was being so caring and here I was contemplating the best way to break up with him.

"I'm fine. G-go to class." I choked out.

"You aren't fine. What's wrong?" He asked. I kept my mouth shut. "Please, babe, I just want to make sure you're okay."

I hastily wiped the tears from my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself, before I opened the door.

"I'm fine, really. Let's go to class." I said. I went to walk past him but he held onto my hand.

"Talk to me." He begged. I could feel a new wave of tears coming.

"No. Not now. Just, later." I said in a quiet voice. I shook my hand from his grasp and walked out of the bathroom with him following me without another word.

Music class was silent. Not a peep from Vic or myself was heard. Why didn't I just get it over with in the bathroom? I'm just making it worse by not saying anything. It was torture, absolute torture because I knew I was about to hurt both of us. This is fucking stupid! I spent all of last night trying to think of something to get out of this, but I couldn't. If I wanted to protect Vic then I'd have to do this.

After school, like normal I made my way to Vic's car. Like usual we'd say goodbye to Jaime and Tony before I got into the passenger seat and Mike got in the back seat. Then we were off with Mike rambling on and on in the back seat even though Vic and I weren't listening at all.

"Do you want me to drop you off at home?" Vic asked quietly through Mike's talking, not that Mike even noticed.

I shook my head slowly and looked at him. "I need to talk to you about something." I whispered. He had such a caring and concerned look in his eyes. I looked away from him, once again my eyes were watering up but I didn't let the tears fall. Fuck, why am I so weak?

We got to Vic's house a lot quicker than I would have wanted. Reluctantly I got out of the car and like a zombie I followed Mike and Vic into the house. Mike made a beeline to the kitchen while Vic and I went up to his room. Once we were in there he shut the door and turned to me.

"I hate seeing you like this, Kellin. What's wrong?" He asked. My lips were trembling and I knew I just had to come out and say it, so I did.

"I want to break up." I said.

Complete and utter silence followed my statement. We were staring at each other with a couple of feet distance in between us. He looked absolutely shattered.

"You want to break up?" He asked, confused.

"I don't- I don't want to. I mean, I just...I can't be in a relationship right now." I said. It was a pathetic excuse. He took a step closer to me and I took a step back, backing into the wall beside his bed.

"But you were so happy yesterday. You don't mean this, right? You're just being insecure and shit, right?" He asked. His tone was panicked and it was so unusual to see him like this.

"Please don't argue with me on this." I said. I had a full speech in my head which I made up during the day but it was forgotten. I only remembered bits and pieces. "I'm falling behind on my school work. Its senior year, I should really be focusing on that."

"So we'll tone it down a bit. We'll stop skipping class. We don't have to break up because of this." He said. He took another step closer and cupped my cheeks in his hands.

"Please don't make this any more difficult than it needs to be." I begged. Tears started falling from my eyes and he wiped them away with his thumbs.

"Please don't cry. We can work this out. Do you just want space? 'Cause I can leave you alone for a few days if that's what you want." He suggested. I shook my head and let out a sob, removing his hands from me.

"No, you don't get it." I said. I looked away from him because I couldn't look him in the eye and say this, but he wasn't getting the message. He wouldn't accept any of my excuses so there was only one thing I could say. "I don't like you anymore, not how I'm supposed to."

"You don't mean that." He quickly dismissed the confession.

"I do. I'm so sorry, Vic. I never meant to hurt you." I whispered. Once again he cupped my face in his hands and forced me to look at him. He looked so hurt.

"You don't mean it." He practically whimpered, making my heart break for the hundredth time that day. He looked so vulnerable. He brought his lips to mine and kissed me. This will be our last kiss. The very thought made me lose it and I started crying. I mean, I was trying to hold back the tears before, but I just let them free now.

"Stop." I cried and pushed him away.

"No, you don't mean it." He said aggressively. He came towards me again, but I held my hand up to stop him.

"But I do. We can't be together anymore. I'm sorry." I couldn't speak anymore. I went to walk past him but he grabbed onto my arm and pushed me back against the wall forcefully.

"Why are you lying to me?" He was angry. I could see it in his eyes. In a flash he went from broken to mad.

"I-I'm not." I said.

"You are!" He shouted. "Tell me the fucking truth!" In all honestly he was scaring the shit out of me right now.

"I am! I don't like you anymore!" I shouted back, but I wasn't angry. I was shouting so he could hear me past my pathetic sobbing.

"Liar!" He screamed. In his sudden anger he punched the wall next to my head and I heard it breaking. Looking next to me I saw he punched a hole in it.

"Stop it, Vic. Please. You're scaring me!" I said through tears and pushed him away. I went to run towards the door but he latched onto my wrist and held me back.

"Tell me what's going on. Tell me the truth." He growled. I lost it, I totally snapped.

"This is why! Because you're an aggressive fucking prick who won't listen to a thing I'm saying!" I shouted. It was a lie, but I was getting mad too now. I shook out of his grasp and once more went towards the door but his arm hooked around my waist, pulling me back.

"Don't go, please." He begged, turning me to him.

"Let me go!" I panicked. I vaguely remembered hearing the bedroom door open. I wasn't paying attention though. I tried pushing him away but he wouldn't let go. He wasn't hurting me but I needed to leave. I can't be here. "Let me go!" I screamed again, tears running down my face.

"Vic, let him go!" Mike's voice came from in the room. A second later Vic and I were being pushed apart by Mike.

"Get out, Mike!" Vic yelled at his younger brother.

"No! What the fuck is going on in here?" He asked.

I didn't stick around to wait for something else to happen. I ran from his room with tears flooding my face.