Siren's Mark

Chapter 58

𝔸𝕧𝕒

After Kami made sure Zane was healed, she left in her car and Zane drove us home in his Challenger. He was quiet during the ride back to our place—the kind of quiet that told me he was drowning in guilt below the surface. He looked like his heart had been ripped from his chest and an empty shell was left in its place.

I understand how he feels. Since the marking, he's been coping with my own pain and pretending to be fine, but every time he'd cringe or grunt, the feeling of responsibility would weigh on me. No one wants to be the cause of a loved one's pain.

He remained quiet on our ride up the elevator and as he unlocked our front door.

When we enter the house, I close the door behind us and Zane drops his keys unceremoniously onto a table near the entryway. He shambles into the living room, his arms hanging wearily at his sides as he kicks off his shoes and collapses face-first onto the couch.

I take a seat at the edge of the couch and rub his back with my palm.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

He rolls over and looks at me with glossy, red eyes.

"Am I okay?" he asks. "No, Ava, I'm a bloody monster."

"Hey, stop talking like that. You're not a monster."

"Of course I am, Ava," he says as tears begin to fall down his cheeks. "I brought Kieran into your life. He was my friend, so I let my guard down and then he attacked you. If he's a monster, then what do you call the person who let him get to you? What do you call the person who went in there to fight a bloody demon without even thinking about how it would affect you?"

"I'd call them human," I say. "Okay, you may not technically a human, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to act like one every now and then. You deserve to let yourself off the hook every now and then."

"I just saw red," he says, raking his hands through his hair in distress. "You were so scared, baby. The way you looked at me when you woke up, I can't get it out of my mind. You were staring into my eyes with this panic I had never seen before. I wish I had lived my whole life never seeing you look at me like that. Like a monster. And then I became one."

I can feel sorrow radiating from him. The weight of everything he's dealing with—betrayal, the loss of a trusted friend, deep self-loathing, anger—is overwhelming. Seeing him like this is far worse than any physical pain. He looks broken.

"Stop it!" I snap, feeling the need to defend him—even against his own words. "You are not a monster! You made a mistake, okay? You wanted to protect me and you messed up and that's okay. Mistakes happen."

He takes in a jagged breath, struggling to look me in the eyes.

"I should have known better," he says. "The mark... we knew it worked both ways. I wasn't thinking and you got hurt."

"Zane, don't do that to yourself," I scold. "You are not judged by your worst moments. The next time I make a mistake, will you label me a monster?"

"Ava," he says softly.

"Would you?"

"No," he says. "But yo-"

"No buts, Zane," I say. "You have it in your head that you're this horrific creature that needs to be kept chained up. That you need to hide yourself away from the world to avoid harming me or anyone else. But that's bullshit, okay?"

I grab his face and look him in the eyes.

"You are a good person," I say.

He looks like he's about to argue with me, but I lay down on his chest and wrap my arms around him and repeat it.