After baby

Chapter 18-Tessa

Why am I walking through the woods in a hospital gown covered in blood where am I what happened then I see Hardin Emery and is that Auden in his arms? And they are all dressed in black

"I miss mommy so much"I hear Emery say  "me to princess me to"Hardin hugs she is crying "shhh it's ok Auden" what does she mean I'm right here

"When will we see mommy again"she wipes her eyes

"Mommy is in heaven looking down on us all" I don't understand what is he staying "is she a angel"

"She is the best angel who will always protect us all" I move to look at the headstone

Tessa Young forever in our hearts July 1st 2020

Emery places a rose down and they walk away no no I'm not dead I'm not dead  "I'm here I'm here"I shout to them as they walk away "I'm not dead Hardin Emery please hear me I'm right here Mommy's hear"I sob running after them " please can you hear me mommy is here I'm here"and I trip then they disappear "no I'm not dead"I scream and I feel a hand on my shoulder and see a bright light I turn around and it's my dad "Your home now" he says and I scream

I snap open my eyes and I start to panic I can't breathe why can't I breathe "Your ok Miss Young just relax you will be fine you just lost a lot of blood"I hear someone say then my eyes start to close again

"Dad your so annoying "It's Emery but she looks older "I don't care Emery I said no"

"Ugh dad your so annoying you never understand anything"she storms out and then a little boy runs in "Auden my handsome boy "he hugs him and Auden hugs him back "Hey daddy"

"You remind me of your mommy so much you have a big heart just like her" he says to him he looks just like Hardin "Emery mad"

"She is upset this is a hard time for her it's been 6 years since....mommy went to heaven"

"Hardin I'm right here"I say but none of them seem to listen and they both stand up walking away

"Tessa try stay alert" I hear I'm trying to speak but I can't speak I'm trying my best to keep my eyes open but they keep closing where is Hardin what happened to the baby

"Emery are you ok"I watch Hardin as he goes into Emery and she shakes her head "what's wrong"

"I just wish mom was here and with her anniversary coming up I..it's just hard"she starts to sob into his chest and I start crying aswell

"It gets harder each year 6 years since we last saw her beautiful face"he smiles and she nods

"I just I love you so much and I'm so grateful you but sometimes I wish she was here to tell me about girls things and about growing up"I laugh to myself thinking about Emery asking him about periods

"You know you can talk to me or you have your Nora or Kim so many people to talk to if you ever don't want to talk to me but remember I will always be here to listen"

"Will it ever get easier"she looks up at him and his eyes start to water "I hope so" suddenly I'm in what must be Audens room he looks so handsome he is writing something on a piece of paper Hardin calls him and he runs out dropping the price of paper and I pick it up

Dear mommy

I never met you you died when I was born you never got to see me or hold me but I always felt  you in my heart daddy and Emery tell me all the time about you and show me pictures and videos of you

You are so beautiful I wish I got to meet you even one time Emery says that you gived the best hugs and kisses and that you where the kindest person she ever met sometimes at night time I hear daddy cry and he talks to you can you hear him in heaven ? I talk to you to I hope you get the letter in the post I drew a picture of all of us and sent that to daddy told me if I ever want to see you I just have to look up into the sky and find the brightest star and I know that is you

I can't stop crying am I really dead have I missed my children grow up I can't be

I'm back at a cemetery now and I see Emery sitting there in front of my grave she looks older now

"Hey mom... I'm 16 now and for my birthday dad gave me this bracket with all these charms he said it was your favourite"she shakes the bracelet on her wrist and I look down at mine and it's gone"I'm sorry I don't visit that much it's just hard coming here but I really needed to talk to you about something I don't really want to tell dad yet because you know how dad is"she laughs "I met this boy he lives in the neighbourhood and I really like I mean really like him his name is Alex he is really really cute and he makes me feel so safe and happy and he makes me laugh for the first time in years I feel like things are going good for me I still don't know how to tell dad yet I feel bad for dad lately he has been really down and me and Auden have been trying to cheer him up I think with it been ...10 years"she takes a deep breath "it's hard I'm trying my best to keep you in my memory but the older I'm getting the less I'm remembering and that makes me sad I hope your ok where ever you are I love you"she sighs and wipes her eyes "I'm right here baby I'm here I see you your growing up to be such a gorgeous girl"I say and she stands up kissing my headstone and walks of it feels like my feet are stuck to the ground I can't go after her and I start crying again

I'm back in our bedroom now and Hardin is sitting on the bed with a picture of me in his hands tears pouring out of his eyes "hey Tess I just fuck I feel like my heart is breaking in two I just want you back so fucking much it's been 10 years but it still feels like the day I lost you  if it wasn't for the kids I would be dead right now you should see them Tessa they are amazing growing up so quick Emery has a Boyfriend I have to say he is a pretty nice guy he makes her happy and Auden he is so creative he is so good at painting he won a scholar ship to this Art program and he is in a band he is really talented I just wish you where here just so I can touch you one last time to feel you to hear you I love you Tess"he kisses my picture and I go over and touch his cheek wiping away his tears even tho I know he can't feel me and then everything starts to disappear and I'm trying my best to open my eyes.....