Logophile [Yoonmin]

44.

"Jimin can we talk?" Yoongi hurriedly asked.

Jimin looked around to see if anyone was there. "What are you doing here?" He asked panicky.

"We need to speak. Don't worry no one is here." He reassured.

"I don't really want to. I'm running late for tutoring." He said trying to get by.

"Please! I'm really sorry about what happened. I have to explain myself I really am sorry. It wasn't intentional."

"What if someone sees? I don't need further rumors going around."

Yoongi held his forearm to stop him from walking away. Jimin quickly let go stepping back.

"Are you fucking serious right now? We've been friends this whole time knowing that I'm gay and now you're being a germ freak because I touch you? What the fuck is wrong with you? Can you at least let me explain myself before you judge me?"

Jimin huffed. He didn't want to be labeled a homophobe. He wasn't, but he was seriously anxious about the rumors.

Especially because he had felt something with Yoongi that he couldn't explain. He had finally started to kick it off with Sana and then the video was released.

He remembered the first screenshot he received through a group chat. He was so humiliated. It wasn't because he didn't want to be seen with Yoongi.

It was because he was afraid people would see the things he felt when being next to Yoongi. Fuck, he didn't even understand them himself. So to have people talk about it was not pleasurable.

People were cruel. He didn't want to be outed by the school. He wanted to admit his emotions whenever he was ready to. Not when the public wanted it.

That's why he was very frustrated with him. But at the same time he wanted to hear him out. Maybe he had an explanation to all of this.

"Fine. I'll meet you at your house after tutoring." He murmured.

Yoongi nodded and let him keep on walking. He had come back to school in hopes of seeing Jimin.

His reaction wasn't the best, but it certainly wasn't the worst either. He could fix it. He knew he could.

•••

"We can talk in my room—"

"I'll rather talk out here. In my car."

"Oh. Okay." He whispered following him behind.

Jimin had parked next to his moms vehicle. He knew he didn't want to be seen with him at the moment. The fact that he wouldn't even go inside the house broke his heart.

"So, why the hell did you upload that?" He asked defensively he had calmed down, but being right here was making him angry again.

Yoongi didn't deserve to have his anger lash out on him. He just couldn't control it. His mindset was very fucked up.

"I didn't do it on purpose. I would've never uploaded it without your consent. It wasn't supposed to be uploaded. You know that."

"How did it get up in your channel then? Did it just magically appear there?" He sarcastically asked.

"Well...no. I'm not sure. The last time I saw the video was Saturday and I closed my laptop. I—I must've pressed a button by accident."

Jimin kept staring ahead avoiding eye contact. Even if it was an accident people had seen it. He couldn't get past that part.

"Do you really think I would upload it without your consent? What would I win from doing that?"

"I don't know you were pretty bitter when we last talked at the dance. Sana and I are doing really good and if you're jealous or something that was not right to do." He angrily said.

Yoongi scoffed, "What? I can't believe you fucking said that. You think this is some sort of revenge against Sana and you? Because I'm jealous? You're a piece of shit Park Jimin. I take it all back. You are who I thought. You aren't different from anyone else. I just didn't want to see that. Have a nice life."

Jimin quickly pulled his shirt back stopping him. "Let me go!" Yoongi screamed turning to face him.

His face was red and he had that familiar hot boiling sensation in the pit of his stomach. Why was he being so cold with him? He knew he had messed up by uploading the video, but did he deserve this treatment? Or was he overreacting?

"No. You got to say your part now it's my turn."

"I don't want to hear your bullshit about how you're so happy with her. I don't need you to rub your perfect relationship in my nose every five seconds."

"That's exactly my point! You messed everything up!"

"By uploading the video and starting rumors? I already told you it wasn't my fault. I've taken it down and apologized for it. What do you want me to do? Get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness? Will they make it better? It's not like you aren't with her. I saw you walk her to her car after school. You seemed very happy then." He snapped.

The bitter taste in his mouth was starting to give his throat a lump. He gulped it down to prevent himself from crying.

Jimin bawled his fist, "That's the thing. You won't get out of my head. I can't stop thinking about that night. If you would've never confessed I wouldn't be thinking of the what if's."

Yoongi laughed sadly looking down at his lap. He cleared his throat before speaking afraid that his voice would crack. He finally looked him in the eyes pushing everything away.

"I'm so sorry I messed up your thoughts. I'm sorry that you were part of the make out session as much as I was. I'm sorry you're confused about your sexuality and taking it out on me. I'm so very sorry I ever responded to that dumb Tumblr message you sent me. Most of all I'm sorry that I'm not."

Jimin kept quiet digging his fingernails in his palms. He could feel the tears brim his eyes as well.

Hell, he had never cried for anyone before. But hearing Min Yoongi  speak with such heartache it was impossible not to.

Yoongi pulled out a yellow envelope from his jacket. It was a bit wrinkled from being with him.

He had been carrying it everyday since he took it from Jimin. In hopes that one day he'd finally let him read it.

Today seemed like the perfect day. It was a goodbye. He couldn't let him go without him knowing everything he truly felt.

Jimin looked at him perplexed. So he wasn't imagining it. The yellow envelope was real and Yoongi had taken it. When he handed it to him he slowly reached to grab it.

"I'm sorry about one more thing," he whispered with a shaky breath. "I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to be mine. I really am."

Yoongi grabbed the door handle and quickly got out. Jimin watched him scurry to his house and he couldn't stop him. He watched him leave.

As soon as he was in the house he ran upstairs to his room. His eyesight was extremely blurry to the point he hit himself on the nightstand.

The first thing he did was jump in bed and burry his face on his pillow. He screamed as loud as he could to let everything out.

It hurt.

So bad.

No words could describe how bad it felt to have your heart broken by the person you adore the most. The intensity of emotions he felt were indescribable.

All he wanted to do was cry.

Lost lovers didn't exist.

Because if they did Jimin wouldn't have let him go.