Head in The Clouds

The First Year

Vanessa age 29 December
When I wake up, Usnavi is sleeping, head on the bed. Instinctively, I reach over and stroke his hair. When I do, his head pops is and he has a look of so much relief on his face.
"Your awake. Thank god."
"Usnavi, love, why do you look so scared?"
"You had a heart attack Nessa. You were holding Lucia when you told me to grab the baby. You then just stoped breathing."
"Oh! That is why my chest hurts in addition to everything out. How long was I out?"
"Twelve hours. The nurses got you breathing again quickly. I was so afraid I was going to lose you."
Tears roll down his cheeks and I wipe his face. "I'm not going anywhere."
He leans in and gives me a gentle kiss.
"Where is Lucia?"
"Your Moms are in the Nursery with her. We have been switching off sitting with you."
Mama and Mamí walk in the room a moment later. Mamí sees me and runs to me.
"You are awake, thank god! How dare you! How dare you try to die on us!"
"I'm sorry I scared you Mamí. I'm fine now, I promise."
"Don't ever do something like that again."
"I won't. Can I hold my daughter?"
"Of course Mija."
My daughter is placed in my arms.
"Hi Babygirl. Merry Christmas!"
"Oh my gosh, I completely forgot." Usnavi says surprised.
"Baby's first Christmas. Marry Christmas Mija," Mama says, kissing my head.

Vanessa age 30 June
Today is the day I turn 30. I am celebrating by going out with Nina, Benny, and Usnavi. Mama and Mamí are watching the kids
The door bell rings, and I open the door to Nina and her family.
"Hi Nina."
"Hi Chica. Happy birthday!"
"Thank you. My beautiful godchildren. How are you?"
"Tia!" Claudia yells excitedly, jumping in my arms.
"Hello Mi Tesoro. How is my beautiful goddaughter?"
"I am good. I got you a gift."
"Aww, thank you baby."
"Do you want me to open it now?"
She nods excitedly. When I pull it out, her face lights up.
"It's a plate I made at daycare."
"I love you baby."
"I love you too Tia.

Two hours later, Usnavi and I are dancing when I notice my phone has ten missed calls from Mama or Mamí.
I step outside and call them back.
"Mama, what's..."
"Vanessa! It's Lucia. Carla had to taker to the hospital."
"What! What happened?" I say frantically.
"Carla went to wake her up from a nap, and she wouldn't wake up. She was lethargic, and had a high fever."
"Where? Where is my baby?"
She tells me where Mamí took Lucia. I run back into the club and grab Usnavi. We tell Nina and Benny and then run to grab a taxi. They come with us.
Fifteen minutes later, we finally pull up to the hospital. We run into the ER and frantically ask about Lucia.
"Vanessa!"
"Mamí! My baby. Where is Lucia?"
"They took her up to the NICU. She is right this way."
We follow her to the floor, and there is my baby connected to an iv and so many wires.
"What's wrong with her," I cry. Usnavi and I both running to her.
"The doctors think meningitis. They are running test now to determine if it is viral or bacterial."
"Where is the doctor?" Usnavi asks.
"He should be back in a minute. They just did a blood test and the nurse went to get a consent form for a spinal tap."
"Mija, Mama and Papi are here. You will be just fine." Usnavi says, kissing her little face.
Suddenly, an alarm starts to go crazy.
"What's happening?" I cry.
A few nurses run over and shove me out of the way. "She is not breathing. We need an intubation tray."
"Help my baby. Please, help my daughter," I scream.
"Get her out of here." A doctor says to a nurse. The nurse comes to move me, but I shake her off. "Navi.."
He runs to me and wraps his arms around me. "She will be okay. Shh, Amore, she will be okay."

The next day, we are sitting at Lucia's bedside. She has a tube down her throat and wires all over her body. She has a rash all over her body. When the doctor comes in, I know it is bad.
"Your daughter does have Viral Meningitis."
"What can you do?"
"There is nothing we can do. All we can do is hope her body fight off the virus."
I feel like I have been punched in the gut. "Please, you have to help her!"
"We will treat her symptoms. Keep her hydrated. Do what we have to do to help her fight this virus but unfortunately there is very little we can do for it."

It has been five days since Lucia was brought to the hospital. I have hardly left her side. I can't. I'm terrified something will happen if I leave her. Mama, Mamí, and Usnavi have taken turns sitting with us.
In the past five days, her fever still hasn't broken. She is being fed mostly by a feeding tube. Sometimes she will take a bottle but doesn't have much strength. Usnavi thinks she is getting stronger. I'm trying to see it but all I see is my sick little girl.

I have been dozing on and off when suddenly Usnavi grabs my shoulder.
"Nessa! I think her fever has broken!"
"What?"
"Her fever is gone. She is cool to the touch and covered in sweat!"
I wake up immediately and touch her head. I then touch her chest and breathe a sigh of relief.
"I think you are right?" At this, I break down into sobs.
"Hey, she is going to be okay?"
I nod and he folds me into his arms. "She is going to be okay Amor."

Vanessa age 30 December
In the day and weeks following Lucia's recovery, we have discovered that the meningitis has caused Lucia to lose most of her sight. They believe she can see color and outlines, but they don't know how bad it is.
Since Lucia is starting to cruise, we have learned to keep the floor super clean. When she starts walking independently, we will get her into physical therapy and she will learn to use a guide cane. When she is older, we will look into getting a guide dog.
It was hard to accept the fact that our daughter is going to struggle more than most kids, but Usnavi has been my rock.
Since Lucia's birthday is on Christmas Eve, we will celebrate it a day early on December 23.
I am cooking Lucia's cake, when I hear Usnavi talking to Lucia in Spanish.
"What are you two talking about?"
"Oh, I am just describing everything to her. She seems to enjoy when I narrate everything."
"Hi baby girl, are you ready for your birthday party," I ask, kissing her cheek.
"Mama!."
There is a knock on the door. I open it to Mama and Mamí, who moved down the hall a couple of months ago.
"Lucia, Abuela and Abuelita are here!"
"Lita!" She screams from the living room.
Mama runs down to swoop her up, and I hear the screech as she is picked up.
"I am still a bit jealous that she said Lita before she said Mama."
"Yeah. Dani has something special with kids. She acts like a big tough guy, but she is so tender hearted. That is why I love her so much."
I smile and hug Mamí.
"Mija, I am so proud of you. This first year is been hard, but you have made it through."
"Thanks Mamí."