Head in The Clouds

Benny

Vanessa age 33 February
"Lucia, get your shoes on. We need to leave. Tia Nina is waiting for me and I need to take you your Abuelas'.
"Can't find them."
"Lucia, did you check the spot by the door."
"Yes Mama."
I walk over and they are about two feet from where they should be.
"Lucia, I know you are used to them being in the same spot, but you have to get used to searching around a little more. The world is not an orderly place. You have to adapt."
"It's hard Mama."
I walk over, place her shoes in her hands, and kiss her head. "I know baby. Life is hard. Now, let's get your shoes on and go see Abuela and Abuelita."
"Yay!"

I drop Lucia with my moms, and go to lunch with Nina.
"Hi Chica, how are you?"
"I am good. How are you?"
She rolls her eyes and sits down.
"What?"
"It's nothing."
"Nina, what's wrong?"
"Things have been rough between Benny and I."
"What's going on?"
"We have just been fighting all the time. Every little thing seems to set him off and we start arguing. ."
"Have you tried couples therapy. It has helped my moms in the past."
"He refuses to go. He says there is nothing wrong."
"Just keep trying."
"There is something else."
"What Nina," I asked concerned, seeing the sadness on her face.
"I think he is cheating."
"What! He wouldn't do that. He adores you."
"He comes home late every night. He leaves early in the mornings. We haven't had sex in a month. He never tells me I am pretty anymore. It's like he doesn't love me anymore and I don't know what happened."
She starts to cry and I stand up and wrap my arms around her.
"I'm sorry girl. I can't imagine he is cheating, but I can be there to help you talk to him, if you want."
"Really?"
"Yes"
"Thank you Vanessa. I don't know what I would do without my best friend.

We plan to meet with Benny two days later.
I am sitting with Nina, when Benny comes in.
"Vanessa, hey? What are you doing here?"
"Hi Benny," I say hugging him. "Vanessa and I have been talking. She asked me to be here to support her."
"Nina, babe, what's going on?"
"Benny, we need to talk."
"What is it love?"
"I am worried about us. I'm worried about our marriage. Vanessa and I have been talking and..."
"Seriously, you bring an audience to our marriage."
"Benny, she is worried about you. She is worried about the two of you and your marriage. She says you have been distant. You have not been yourself."
"Please leave, I want to talk with Nina, alone."
"At least let me take the kids, so you two can talk in private."
"Just get out Vanessa." Benny yells.
"Nina, are you okay with me going?"
"Yeah." She says wearily.
"Okay, I will get out. Nina, call me if you need me." I walk over hug her, hug the kids, and leave.

The next day, Nina comes into the store. She has a black eye.
"What the hell happened?"
"Vanessa, please don't.."
"Did Benny do this?"
"He did but..."
"I am going to kill that man."
"Vanessa stop. He..."
I start walking towards Benny's work. Before I can get five feet, Nina grabs me.
"Vanessa stop. He didn't hit me."
She breaks down crying at this point. Her sobs are so broken that they scare me. I go to her and hold her.
"Nina, talk to me."
"Benny, he, he has a brain tumor."
"Oh god!"
"He told me last night. After he told me, he had a seizure. His head hit my eye as I tried to catch him. That is why he has been acting the way he is. He has been trying to hide it from me. He found out two months ago. He has been doing treatment without telling me. That is why he has been late."
"Oh god, Nina, I am so sorry."
"I am going with him to the doctor today. He finished his last chemo appointment the other night and is meeting with his doctor next steps. They are going to determine if he needs radiation and more chemo."
"Do you want me to watch the kids?"
"Please. The appointment it at three but the kids need to be picked up from daycare at four."
"Okay. I will get them. Let me know when you know something."
"Thank you Vanessa."
"Hey, I'm sure everything will be okay."
"I hope so. I'm so scared Vanessa."
I wrap her in my arms and hold her.

Around 5, Benny and Nina ring the doorbell. Nina's eyes are red, and Benny doesn't look much better.
"Vanessa, can we talk to you and Usnavi?"
"What's wrong?"
"Is Usnavi home. We would like to talk to the both of you.
"He should be home soon. Come on in."
Ten minutes later, Usnavi comes in. I send Lucia, Claudia, and Benny to play in Lucia's room as we sit at the table.
"Usnavi and Vanessa, Nina and I have some news that will be hard to hear. I imagine Vanessa has already told you about my tumor. Well, my doctors didn't give me good news today. The treatment didn't work and the tumor has grown. The doctors are giving me three to nine months."
Usnavi takes my hand. I look over and see he is on the verge of tears.
Before I can say anything, I hear Claudia's voice.
"Daddy, you have a brain tumor ?"
"Claudia, why are you out here?" Benny says turning to her.
"Lucia forgot her doll. She wanted me to come get it. Daddy, is a brain tumor cancer? My friend Jessica, her mom had a tumor in her stomach. Jessica said she had cancer. Her mom died last year.
"Come here baby." He says, reaching out to her. She sits on his lap, as Nina struggles holding back her tears. I take her hand in encouragement.
"Baby, yes, a tumor means cancer. At least, for me, it does. I have cancer in my brain."
"What does inoperable mean?"
"It means there is nothing they can do to remove it."
"Daddy, are you going to die?"
He takes a deep breath, and Nina loses her composure. Benny chokes up and his voice breaks as he talks.
"Yes baby, Daddy is going to die."
"No! I don't want you to die!" Claudia screams. "Abuela died last year. I don't want you to die!"
She cries as Benny holds her tight. I hold a sobbing Nina in my arms.
Usnavi scoots closer, and rubs Claudia's back. He keeps his composure, but I see the heartbreak in his eyes.

That night, Usnavi and I are laying in bed. I snuggle up into him and watch him sleep. I gently touch his face, and he opens his eyes. He sees me and smiles.
"Can't sleep Amor?"
"No. I can't stop thinking about Benny and Nina."
He face changes at that.
"Vanessa, promise me one thing."
"What is it Usnavi?"
"Don't ever leave me."
My hand cups his cheek. "Never."
He leans in and kisses me. He then proceeds to break down crying. My husband and I both hold each other crying. We cry for our friends, their families, and the unfairness of it all.

Vanessa age 34 August
It is three am when my phone rings.
"Nina?"
"He's dying Vanessa. We are near the end."
"We will be over in a few minutes."
I hang up the phone, jump up, and turn on the light. 
"What's going on?" Usnavi ask groggily.
I turn to him, tears in my eyes. "Benny. Nina says it is time to come and say goodbye."
I go sit beside him and put my hand on his cheek. He holds it there, and lets a tear fall.
"I'm so sorry Usnavi. I know he is your best friend."
He just nods and kisses my hand. "I'm relieved he will soon longer hurting. He has struggled so much these past three months. When I saw him last night, he was in pain. He hardly recognized me. I'm just going to miss him so much."
I wipe the tear that falls.
We get ready, Usnavi scoops up Lucia, and we walk over.

We go over and Nina is sitting by Benny's side. Usnavi and I walk over. I hug her tightly.
"Hi."
"I'm not ready. I don't want to lose him." She whispers.
"Nina?" Benny whispers.
"I'm here my love."
"Where are the children?"
"I will go get them." Nina says. I go to help her before Benny stops me. She notices and walks out of the room.
"Vanessa, I need you to make me a promise."
I get closer and take his hand.
"Usnavi, Vanessa, I need you guys to make me a promise."
"Whatever you want." Usnavi says, taking his other hand.
"Watch over Nina and the kids. Ben is too young to understand but my girls are going to take my death hard."
I gently touch his face and kiss his forehead. "Of course."
"Your family is my family man. I need you to do something for me. Tell Abuela I miss her." Usnavi say, holding Benny's hand tight.
He nods as Nina comes in with the kids. When Benny see his kids, he lets out the brightest smile.

An hour later, Benny is gone. He took his last breath five minutes ago. Usnavi is holding a crying Claudia as Benjamin sleeps beside his dad. Nina and I walk into the living room, where she sits on the couch and collapses into my arms.
"Shh, I got you. I am here."
"What am I going to do? My husband is dead."
"I don't know Nina. I really don't know. I do know that you are not alone. Usnavi and I are here for you.
She lays her head in my lap and cries. I hold her and play with her hair. She cries until she is asleep. Usnavi brings a sleeping Claudia and lays her beside Nina, who takes Claudia into her arms, both of them still sound asleep. Usnavi kneels infront of us and wipes the tears from my cheeks.
"She will be okay. She has her friend beside her."
I nod, choking back my own tears.
"I'm going to miss him Navi but I'm more worried about his family."

Benny is cremated and we scatter his ashes at his favorite spot, the beach. The ceremony is small but all the people he loved are there.