Head in The Clouds

Making Memories

Usnavi POV Vanessa age 62 May
It has been about twelve months since Vanessa was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  In this past year, she hasn't declined much, but the doctor says she will start declining quickly. She is forgetting small things at the moment, but I see her struggling more and more. Her depression has also gotten bad again. It frustrates her not to be able to remember the things she used to. It breaks my heart when I can see her getting frustrated. It breaks my heart even more knowing what is coming. I have been reading stories of Alzheimer's patients like her. It won't be long before she is no longer the Vanessa I love and know.

Today, I am cleaning the bodega, when I hear Vanessa come in.
"Usnavi, where are you?"
"Back here Amor."
"Hey," she says, walking back and kissing me. "I am here to walk you back home."
"Thank you Vanessa."
"I figure, I better enjoy the good days that I can with you."
"Vanessa, I have been thinking. We need to take another family vacation. This time though, I also want to invite Nina and the kids."
"Where are you thinking?"
"Anywhere you want to go."
"How about we just rent a lake house for a bit, and spend time together. I want to rest, make memories, and enjoy the time. I want to get out of the city for a little bit, and get some fresh air. Have a bonfire."
"That sounds amazing Amore. I will start planning." I pull her to me and kiss her. "I love you so much."

Usnavi 62 June
Nina and I planned the trip for Vanessa. When I told her about it, she insisted on letting her pay for the cabin. She rented a large cabin in Saranac lake for a week. We leave today for the cabin.
Claudia, her husband, and her kids are coming from Philadelphia. Daniella and Camilo are joining us in two days. Camilo is a teacher and can't afford to miss an entire week. They will leave Wednesday after school.
After calling for our cab to take us to the train station, I walk into the bedroom and finish getting ready.
"Usnavi, why are you packing? Where are you going?"
"Amor, we leave for our trip today."
"Our trip! Where are we going?"
"We are going to the lake house in Saranac lake."
"Right, I just need to finish packing."
"Don't worry Amor. I already packed."
"You didn't pack a coat?"
"Amor. It is June. We don't need a coat."
"Usnavi. We need a coat. We can't go without a coat."
I can see her frustration growing. Small things like this often set her off. We think she is stage three, or will be soon.
"Vanessa, okay. Okay Amor. We will pack a light coat."
I sit her down and hold her hand until she calms down.
"Usnavi, what is wrong with me? Why am I so upset over a damn coat?" She wraps her arms around me, and buries her face in my neck.
"It is probably a symptom of your Alzheimer's."
"Mama, Papa, the cab is here." Lucia says, sticking her head in the room. "Mama, are you okay?"
"She is okay sweetheart. Mom is just got a little frustrated. Vanessa, how about you two head down, and I will bring down the suite case."
"Okay. Don't forget my coat."
"Don't worry Amor. I won't forget it."
I quickly grab a light jacket out of the closet, throw it in the suitcase, and head down stairs to meet my family.
"Let's go."

Vanessa age 57
We get to the lake house, and I delighted to see Nina, Claudia, Benita, and the rest of Nina's family.
"Tia Vanessa. I have missed you. How are you?" Claudia asks hugging me.
"I am okay honey. Are you pregnant again?"
She smiles and nods. "Last one."
"Aww. How is the Mamita?"
"Oh wow. The brings back memories from when I was pregnant with you Claudia. Vanessa called me that all the time."
"I am good Tia. So is this little one. My first girl. I am so excited."
"Tia Vanessa, guess what?" Benita says
"What?" I say, turning to Benita.
"I got a job. I will be working as a daycare assistant teacher."
"Benita, that's so exciting. You are going to do amazing."
"Thank you Tia. It was hard to find a daycare that will trust a girl with Down syndrome."
"But you persisted Mi Nina, and now you get to work like everyone else your age." I hug Benita and Claudia, thankful to be making these memories."

Two days later, Camilo and Daniella finally show up.
"Mama! We are here?"
"Daniella, Camilo, I am go glad you are here," I say, running up to hug them. "Everyone, Daniella and Camilo are here."
"Bubba!" Benita yells, running to her twin.
"Hi sissy. How are you?"
"Happy you are here Bubba. I missed you."
"It's only been a few days. Also, we talk every night."
"I know. I am just glad you are here."
"Me too sissy. Me too."

For dinner, we grill and eat outside by the lake.
"Mom, I have some news for you. Ben called me last night."
"He did! We haven't heard from him in two years." Nina says excitedly.
"Yeah. He did. He says he is doing well. He has changed while in prison. He has learned how be a barber, and is expecting to be granted parole next year. He asked me to give you his mailing address. He would like you to start writing him, but is leaving that up to you." Camilo says.
"Forgive me," I interrupt. "I don't remember what happened with Ben."
"It's okay Vanessa. He went to prison three years ago for possession."
"Oh. That's terrible. Hopefully he has changed this time."
"We'll see. This is not the first time he has said he has changed."
"Mom, maybe he did this time. You can't give up hope." Claudia says.
"Just being realistic."
"Well, Mom, Tia Vanessa, and Tio Usnavi, Daniella and I have some news. We have found a surrogate." Camilo says excitedly.
"Really? Who?" I say, restraining myself from jumping up.
"I am going to be their surrogate," Lucia says. "I loved carrying Lilly. I love having a child so much, I want to help my sister and brother-in-law have a child of their own."
"I am so happy for you two." Nina says, jumping up and hugging the couple. "Thank you Lucia. Thank you for giving me another grandchild."
"I hope I can do it sooner rather than later. So Mama will know this baby. We start the process next week when we get back.
"Hey," I say grabbing her face. "Even if I can't always remember someone, doesn't mean I won't know them. Now, no tears or sadness this week. This week is a week for making memories."
"Yes Mama."

The rest of the week, Mama helps me teach my kids some special recipes. Claudia, Nina, and Daniella help me make photo albums for when I start to really forget things. We make close to five complete albums, with room for more. We go swimming, take pictures, play games, and we laugh.
On our final night, Usnavi, Nina, and I go out to dinner. We talk about our future and my wishes. I ask Nina to look after my girls when I am gone or no longer myself. I ask her to give them the mother's advise when I can't. It tell them I don't want to be placed in a nursing homes, if it comes to that. After the serious conversation, we talk about the good things of our past. We remember Benny, the birth of our kids and grandchildren, and enjoy our night together.
After dinner, Usnavi takes me for dessert. We spend a few house exploring the town and acting a bit like teenagers. We make out in public, goof around, and eventually sneak back in late. When we get to bed, we make love for hours. I fall asleep, in his arms, happy and more in love with him then ever.