insanity.

Chapter 8

I was at Jungkook's place, still wearing his leather jacket as we both sat in front of a fire to warm up. Neither of us had said much of anything after Hoseok had finally left.

I eventually cleared my throat, looking up at him through the fire. "You didn't have to say all those things, you know. We're still not dating, and now I probably put you in danger."

"You don't get it, do you?" He laughed lightly, poking at the sticks in the fire once again. "No matter how many times you reject me, or deny any feelings towards me, it doesn't change how I feel about you. The moment I finally found you, I made a vow to myself to always protect you, even if that means I die in the end."

"You don't even know me," I mumbled in response, playing with one of the zippers on his jacket. "There's no reason for you to do all of that. I should've never asked you to come with--"

Before I even knew what was happening, Jungkook had silently moved to kneel in front of me. His hands were planted down on either side of me, and his face was mere inches from mine. "I don't have to know you to know that you're the only other thing that keeps the voices quiet. You keep me sane, and remind me that I'm not...crazy."

He struggled to say the word, and I could tell he really hated it. I reached out and rested my hand against his cheek, and he instantly curled into my touch. My heart ached for some reason because I knew he was suffering from something, but I was too afraid to ask what it was.

"My parents were killed when I was 7," he mumbled out of nowhere, and I looked back up at his face as he placed his hand over mine. "Came home from school one day and found them covered in blood, and I could tell they were tortured beyond belief. I didn't even cry when I saw them. I just...calmly went upstairs and packed a bag for myself and left them there.

"People have always told me there's something wrong with me. As a child, I didn't enjoy many of the things my classmates did. They liked playing tag, I liked torturing the ants in the grass. They enjoyed the slides, I enjoyed causing myself harm. The teachers were obviously concerned, but my parents never cared.

"Maybe that's why when I found them, a small part of me enjoyed the sight I saw. All the blood surrounding them, seeing parts of the bodies practically separated. It was at that moment I knew, something was wrong with me. And I came out here to hide myself from the world. Being out here quiets those horrendous thoughts.

"In middle school, I met Yoongi. He is to this day my best friend, even though I don't see him as much. He helped me to finally get help and told me things would get better. That the thoughts would go away...but they never did. In fact, they got worse, and I ended up doing my first killing.

"It was a rabbit, running through the grass just outside my cave, and I just...killed it. I felt no remorse, but instead felt pleasure and hated myself for it. It was around this time, I started dreaming of you," Jungkook said, finally meeting my eyes as he tried to force himself to smile. "Those dreams kept me sane, they helped me to get rid of those murderous thoughts, and to finally feel...human. You are the only person that keeps me sane, Haeyoung. That's why I'll always protect you."

I just stared at him in shock, unsure of what to say to all this information I just received.

"You're insane," I barely whispered, and I watched his eyes turn dark, like the way they had been when I first met him. He scoffed, pulling away from me.

"Haven't heard that one before," he grumbled, turning his back to face me as I sighed.

"Look at me, please," I begged, and after a moment, he turned to look at me. I gestured for him to come closer, and when he was within arms reach I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him against my chest. He was clearly shocked as I ran my fingers through his long hair and cradled his head in my arms. "You're insane, probably dangerous, and could definitely kill me at any given second but guess what? I don't feel any fear. I'm not afraid of you. And that's all that matters."

He was quiet, unmoving in my arms as I kept running my fingers through his hair. I thought maybe he had fallen asleep until he pulled back from my embrace to caress my cheeks. I couldn't describe the look in his eyes, but it made my heart skip a beat. My heart knew what it wanted at that moment, but I was still afraid of being hurt.

"I know you're scared," Jungkook whispered as he brushed my hair out of my eyes. I reached out and touched his face again, allowing him to come closer to me. "But I will never cause you pain like he did. You are my safe space, and that's all that matters to me...so please. Let me in."

Everything was spinning as I watched his eyes close as he leaned in towards me. There were a billion alarms going off in my brain to stop this from happening, but my heart just knew. This felt...right.

And I let my eyes close just as I felt the light brush of his lips against my own, and I felt like an electric current was flowing between us. I was desperate for more, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him closer to me. His hands found my waist, and he tugged me closer as well.

Eventually, we both pulled away for air, but Jungkook let his lips attack my neck, and I caressed his head and craned my neck to give him more access. "Maybe we should stop."

"I don't think I can," Jungkook growled hungrily from my neck, and I felt him nip me gently and I gasped. "I waited far too long to be able to touch you like this."

And just like that I was lying on my back with him on top of me, our lips connecting again as his hands unzipped the jacket I was still wearing. Once it was off, his hands crawled under my shirt, caressing my torso and letting his fingers outline my ribcage.

He wasn't trying to touch my breasts, it just seemed like he wanted to be able to touch me. He pulled away from my lips and buried his face in my neck as his hands encircled my bare skin. I was content with staying like this, running my fingers through his hair and kissing his neck gently.

"This is all new to me," Jungkook mumbled from my neck, his soft breaths causing me to shiver a little. "To touch someone like this, to be touched by someone like this. I hope that isn't embarrassing to you or anything."

"Hey," I mumbled, forcing him to sit up so I could look at his face. "It's okay. We can go as slow as you need to. I'll still be here, I promise."

Jungkook smiled, leaning forward to lightly kiss my nose as he got to his feet. I also began to stand, reaching down and grabbing his jacket to give it back but he shook his head. "Keep it. Seeing you wear it reminds me that you're mine now."

I felt myself blush as I slid the jacket back on, silently glad that he was letting me keep it. He led me outside to his bike to bring me home, and I had never felt happier at that moment.

That happiness wasn't bound to last.