insanity.

Chapter 14

I hugged Sejin tightly, really not wanting to go back home. But, I knew I had to. Namjoon needed me there, and Taehyung would go nuts without me. She pulled back, cupping my face in her hands and smiling at me. "You'll be fine. Give it a few days, and you'll be back to normal. I can set you up with a few guys and life will be great. Don't look so bummed, Haeyoung."

I just heaved another sigh as I nodded, giving her another hug before grabbing my bag from her car and turning to walk up the steps to my house. As I pushed open the front door, I saw Taehyung cuddling on the couch with Jimin. I normally wouldn't have minded, but for some reason, I wanted to punch them both really hard.

Taehyung looked up towards the door and smiled cutely at me. "Did you spend the night at his place, huh? You never came home yesterday so I could only assume."

I just stared at him, not saying anything for a very long moment. Jimin shifted uncomfortably in the silence. I turned to walk up the stairs to my room, not even Taehyung an answer.

Of course, as I opened my room door, Namjoon was sitting there waiting for me with a concerned look on his face. "Hey, your text had me worried. What happened?"

I tried to hold back the tears as I moved to sit down beside him. I leaned down to unzip the bag, taking out the bloodstained dress and feeling the tears roll down my cheeks. "Hoseok...was at the party. He got into a fight with Jungkook that left him in really bad shape. So, I decided to stop seeing him so I could protect him from Hoseok. But, why does it feel so wrong for me to not be with him?"

Namjoon pursed his lips and pulled me against his chest just as my sobs began. I clung tightly to his shirt and let my tears absorb into it. This pain was far different than the pain I had felt with Hoseok. This pain was a pain I could feel, and it hurt like hell. Knowing how badly he needed me, and yet I couldn't be there for him.

Painful.

"Haeyoung, look at me," Namjoon mumbled, pushing me back a little so he could see my face. "I think what you need is to get away. I think we all need to get away from all of this. Take some time to clear your mind and not think about boys and heartbreak. Doesn't that sound nice?"

I felt myself smile and I wiped away my tears. I nodded and he smiled widely as he pulled me back into a hug. He kissed the top of my forehead quickly. "I love you, Haeyoung. You can always come to me when things go badly, and I'll always be here with open arms. Never forget that."

"Thanks, Namjoon," I mumbled into his chest, tightening my arms around him. "I love you, too."

He released me, ruffing up my hair before going to leave the room. He stopped at the door, turning to look at me. "Any particular vacation destination in mind?"

"America," I responded without hesitation. "You know I've always wanted to go to New York City since we were kids."

"I thought maybe you grew out of that," Namjoon chuckled. He nodded his head, moving to close my door. "Guess we're all going to New York."

With that, he pulled the door shut. I sighed heavily, pulling out my phone and deciding to respond to Jungkook's message.

Me: jungkook. you need to understand how hard of a decision this is for me. do you honestly believe I wanted to leave you? right when I felt like everything was perfect? I did this to protect you. hoseok won't stop until you are dead, do you understand that? what kind of person would I be if I just let you die? I'm doing this because I care about you. please don't make this harder for me.

I hit send and deleted Jungkook's contact from my phone. Having no contact with him would probably keep him safe from Hoseok. I curled up into a ball on my bed, holding my phone against my chest and closing my eyes.

Please try to understand, Jungkook.

************************************

Jungkook's POV

"I don't understand!"

I threw my phone onto the chair a few feet away from me, tugging on my hair as Yoongi sat silently beside me. "Protecting me can't be the only reason for her not wanting to be with me. It doesn't make any sense! If she was this worried about him she never should have let me in in the first place!"

"Hey," Yoongi spoke up, meeting my eyes. "Stop thinking so much about this. When she told me she was trying to protect you, I could tell she was telling the truth. You're not the only one in pain right now, Jungkook."

I shook my head, turning to face away from Yoongi. Haeyoung knew I needed her. I told her she kept the voices quiet, and she made me feel human. So why? Why would she let me go back to feeling crazy in some failed attempt to protect me?

"You don't get it, do you?" I mumbled, glaring over at Yoongi as he met my gaze curiously. "She can't protect me. Nobody can. Because what's hurting me isn't something physical. I don't care about taking a little beating, that doesn't hurt nearly as much as what I feel inside of me. Nobody can protect me from that. Not even you."

"What's inside of you can't kill you, " Yoongi responded, placing his hand on my shoulder. "You take one too many hits and you're done for. Imagine the pain she would feel knowing she was responsible for your death. Accept her decision, and stop trying to dig deeper into this."

I wanted to. I really did, but the part of me that made rational decisions had died when she left me. All I knew now was she couldn't live without me. I couldn't allow her to, not after all this pain she's caused me. How can she claim to be protecting me from pain when all I feel is pain?

This pain was slowly starting to evolve into anger, and I couldn't stop it. She had no right to leave me! Not when she knew what leaving me would mean for her. I told her I was dangerous, and that she kept me from feeling crazy. But, now that she's gone, I feel this...murderous feeling in my gut.

I marked her, therefore she belongs to me. That mark shouldn't disappear for a while, which gives me more than enough time to get her back.

Kim Haeyoung, you're gonna wish you never left me, sweetheart.