You'll never have me

Chapter 31

Chapter 31

With work being a distraction for the most part, I could take a break from everything that happened these past weeks. Although Max's name would still come up because of our collaboration, I did fine.
I spent a lot of time with Eddie and Jerry, I had time for my arts again too. I couldn't even remember the last time I made a painting. So every free minute I had I used to express my feelings on a canvas. It felt good to have time for the things I loved to do. Also, not being with Max all the time anymore gave me time to clean out my apartment and get things in order again. I had been spending more time at his place than my own.
Today however I was on my way to my parents. I had received a text from my brother and he said that my mother really missed me. That was all he sent me though, he did not even ask how I was.
At first I didn't really know what to do, since the last time I visited them was a disaster to say the least.

It was still snowy outside which I kinda liked. My family hates snow and they could never get used to the cold. I could really enjoy the snow and the cold too. It had something cozy to me, the thought that you have been outside, then coming inside to warm up and have some hot choco was my romantic view on winter. Plus the nights Max's body would warm me up, us cuddling and having romantic evenings in front of his fireplace...
The way his eyes would glisten, because of the way the fire would lit them up, his deep voice whispering sweet words into my ears, while his hand would stroke my body, his lips kissing my neck in between whispers, those were the most magical nights I ever had.
I heaved a sigh, but those days were over. I shouldn't be reminiscing about these things. He really broke my heart and it was time to forget this all happened. I should forget he even existed.
But for now I have to focus on my visit to my parents. I am sure at least my dad and Julian have read the tabloids and know what is going on. I'm almost 100% sure that they will say 'I told you so.' That Max is a womanizer, that he used me, but most of all my dad will say that he is proof that I shouldn't be dating white men. I could already hear his voice in my head, nagging about it.
I think facing them and their judgements will be worse than to face my dad after he hit me. Don't get me wrong I didn't forget about it, I never will, but I have to put it beside me if I want to see my mom. I kinda missed her and I was also worried about her mental health.
Before I went in I closed my eyes, heaved a deep sigh. I even thought about leaving.
I walked inside and yelled; "Hello! Mom?"
My father came walking towards me from the kitchen.
"Hi dad", I softly greeted him.
"I told you, he would only use you. Now look at you", he said shaking his head. He then pointed his finger towards me saying; "Until you can behave yourself like a good daughter and stop playing a whore to white men, I have nothing to say to you."
"But.. dad..", I said, a bit overwhelmed by his words.
He walked past me, grabbed his coat and slammed the door behind him.
I didn't want his harsh words to get to me and ruin me seeing my mom, so I sighed and let his words go.
"Mom?"
"I'm over here Mira", I heard her voice say from the living room.
She sat in her favourite spot, watching t.v a bit. I hugged her and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.
"I'm so glad to see you again. I missed you", she said.
"I know mom, I missed you too and I am glad to be here."
"Oh Mira, what happened? I heard your dad, he was so mad when he saw the tabloids and read the Colorado Springs Gazette", she softly spoke.
"I know mom, I know. I never expected Max to be like this", I said, my eyes lowered.
I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eyes. I knew I was a disappointment to everyone, especially my parents.
"I tried to be open and accept your choice, but I begin to think your father is right Mira. Maybe you should be looking for someone who understands our value's a bit more."
I know my mother didn't mean any harm, but it still hurt me. I wasn't looking for anyone anyway now, so her words were unnecessary. I had my share of men and wasn't planning to go on dates anytime soon.
"How are you mom?", I asked to change the subject.
"I'm good. Still taking my medicines. They just make me very tired, so I don't do much. Your brother is taking very good care of me", she told me. "Do you want something to drink?"
"Yeah, sure I'll get it. Can I get you anything too?", I asked, her getting up.
I made us some tea and grabbed a few cookies too.
We talked some more about the weather and she told me that her neighbour sometimes comes by when my dad is at work.
"When do you have to go back to the doctor again?"
"I don't really remember darling", she answered.
"If you want, I can come with you", I suggested.
She fumbled a bit with the hem of her blouse, averting her eyes from me.
"I don't know, you heard your dad. Maybe after this has blown over. I don't want to piss your father off anymore, Mira."
At that moment we heard the door and footsteps coming our way.
"Hi mom", Julian's voice sounded cheerful. He stuck his head around the corner, a friendly smile plastered on his face, until he saw me.
"I'm going up stairs to study. Just call if you need me, mom", he said and turned around.
"I'll be right back mom", I said to her and got up.