You'll never have me

Chapter 25

Chapter 25

It must have been a month since I last visited my mother. I know I'm not a good daughter for leaving her there. After the last time I just didn't feel like going over to the hospital.
"Yes, come in."
The sound of her voice actually made me feel warm inside. I couldn't help to kind of be happy to see her again and unconsciously a smile appeared on my face as I stepped into the room.
"Hi, mom", I said hesitatingly. "Can I come in?"
She was dressed in her own clothes. Something I didn't expect to see. Last time I was here, she wore her hospital gown and layed in bed.
"Oh Mira!", she exclaimed. "I'm so happy to see you."
She walked towards me and gave me a hug. I had to swallow a few times to prevent myself from crying. I could already feel tears welling up.
"Please sit."
I placed myself in a chair as did my mom.
"How are you mom?"
"I'm doing good. But I wish you would have come and visit me sooner."
"I know mom, I know."
"What took you so long?"
For a moment I stayed silent and tried to gather the right words, to form a sentence that wouldn't upset her.
Fumbling my shirt I answered; "The way dad and Julian treated me made me sad. I needed some time for myself."
"I don't understand what that has to do with me?"
"Well, you never defend me mom. They always come for me and blame everything on me", I said trying my best to stay calm.
Inside I already felt my blood boiling and I imagined steam escaping from my ears, like a cartoon figure.
My mother heaved a big sigh before she said anything.
Gently she grabbed my wrist and pinched it softly.
"They mean well Mira. You might not see it now, but they care for you deeply, as do I. I know it has been hard for you over the years, but don't forget you might not even have had a life like this if we didn't move away from India."
She spoke with a soft voice, all while her shaking hands stroked my wrist and under arm.
Then a chuckle escaped from her mouth, something that rarely happens and it made me laugh.
"Mom, what was that?"
"If we were still living in India you might have never met a man like Mr. Woods", she winked.
"Mom!", I exclaimed. "Stop it!"
She  now started laughing and I laughed with her. It made me feel good to see her like this, making jokes and actually having a connection with her.
Then she got all serious in a heartbeat. She lowered her eyes and then looked at me.
"You know your father doesn't approve of you dating Mr. Woods. Give him some space and let him get used to the idea that his daughter might not marry a brown man."
I started laughing. Me and Max getting married? I'm not even sure where we stand in our relationship.
My mother looked at me quizzically.
"I'm so sorry mom, didn't mean to disrespect you. But to be clear, Max and I are only dating right now. Besides that, shouldn't the main reason for marrying anyone be that, that person makes me happy?"
"Mrs. Prashad, can I come in?"
The nurse interrupted our conversation, walking in with a cart. Leaving my question hanging in the air until it silently disappeared unanswered.
"Here are your medicines." She handed out a little see through cup, with a few pills in it.
My mother took them and a small glass of water from her and quickly swallowed the pills.
After the nurse witnessed my mother swallowing her pills she walked away.
"Did they say when you could leave yet?"
"If they are sure I will take all my medication at home too, I can probably leave tomorrow."
"Momma, please do so. I know you don't like it but it's better for you."
My mother didn't say anything, she only looked at the floor. Ashamed of her mental health.
Now it was my turn to comfort my mom. I grabbed her hands and softly pinched them, telling her; "It's okay mom. You got this and I know this will be better for you in the long run. You don't have to be ashamed to take medication. If it will make you feel better, why not?"
I kissed her forehead and whispered 'I love you'. Then I got up, ready to leave. I could see she wanted to cry, but her pride came in the way.
"I have to go now. You get some rest and I will call dad this evening okay?"
She nodded her head and I left her sitting in that chair, looking all sad and helpless.
It was hard for me to control my emotions and I had to fight back some tears. In the past I would have stayed with her, but it was time to let that guilt go. It was not my responsibility, it never was, but now that I am grown, I'm slowly realizing that.