I Need U (Jikook)

okay! its a lot to take in

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JIMIN POV

I am going to die from tension.

He motioned me to sit on the bed and I jumped on the bed. I sit in the middle of the bed in Indian style. He gave me a weird look and I blushed.

"What if I faint? So better safe than sorry" I nodded at my explanation.

He bent towards me and his voice drop some octave "then I will catch you". I squeaked and he bites my nose.

I know what he is doing, making the situation more breathable.

He didn't sit beside me but on the edge of the bed. I think he is also being safe, what if I punched him. Smart boy.

"So...Uhm first thing, what you want us to be?" I offered.

"I love you Jimin. I have learnt from my blunder. And I will even beg you to forgive me. And for your query I want us to be lovers and boyfriends. But if you are not fine then we can be friends."

"I would love us to be boyfriends and lovers but jungkookie hyung we have a lot to work on. And things may take time" I provided.

"I know" he sighed.

"So why you broke up with me? More like pushed me away for your freedom."
I questioned directly looking at him.

"That day I fucked up. Believe me, jimin when I say I was going to tell you that night. I even phoned my professor to tell him I was not going. I drank that day so that I will have some courage to tell you that. You know I am bad with words and feelings. And I blame myself for never trying to be more open to you. But then everyone was teasing me for being your dog and it hit my ego. I am taking the fault in my hands but drinking that day was the worst decision. I got out of control and make ma blunder. I was never a relationship person so it was hard. And that day it burst out in the worst way. I still regret it" he sighed.

I bite my lips not knowing what to say or do.

"Uhmm...so why you don't inform me when you were flying back to America?"

"So when I got consciousness the other day which was Saturday afternoon it is a blur. I was frustrated with myself and other hyungs didn't let me go to you saying I was not in the right mind. Now I think back they were right. My weekends went weeping and breaking everything I can. Sunday night I was going to talk to you and beg you forgiveness but I walked into my earlier gang members. I was not in the right mind not able to fight back. They beat me to a pulp that day because I left them and it was the right time of taking their revenge from me. One elder man took me to the hospital in his car. When I wake up next Monday morning hyungs were there. It was like you left me and everything went downhill. I still wanted to go to you but the doctor doesn't allow me. And I don't want to you see me in that condition. I was breaking slowly and slowly."

One tear slipped down from his left eye.

"That day my professor came to see me. I had lost my phone in the fight so he asked the hyungs and came to me. He convinced me to take the scholarship and I thought 'I have already lost everything that was you'.  I took the offer before I was such a coward chim. I was drowning in embarrassment and regret. Regret is a strong feeling it makes you do things you will never do. I still don't know why I left you unnoticed by my psychologist says it was my way to punish myself."

"Your what? P-psychologist?" I whimpered.

He smiled at me with teary eyes.

"Yes after I shifted to America, things started to fall apart. I was in a new environment and didn't know anyone. It was hard. I was feeling so many emotions that I never did it was all new. I was soon falling in depression. That time I got a roommate and he helped me a lot. His name is Bambam and he told the hyungs and then they told mom and dad. Only Tae and you didn't know. I don't want you to see me how weak I am how much better you could have done. Soon I started seeing a psychologist and went to rehab for some weeks during my holidays. And I am better now."
He was now sobbing silently.

I jumped on him and ended in his lap. I started to punch his chest repeatedly. I was crying loudly chanting "why? Why? Why you didn't tell me I could have helped".

He hugged me close and sobbed "I am sorry. Please forgive me. Give me a chance or I will die. I can't handle it jimin. I can't please."

He started to panic and I hugged him close. I started reciting sweet words to him.

After fifteen minutes we were in better control.

"C-can you bring t-those tablets t-th—"
He sounds so broken. Is this my Jungkook hyung?

"Shh....dont speak I will get them for you" I whispered.

But when I started to get away from his hold he strengthens his hold and cried "stay".

"Shhh...baby. Kookie hyung it will only take a second. Please?" I whimpered.

This time when his hold got soft I quickly make my way to his nightstand and took the small bottle in my hand. I walked back to him with the bottle sitting there. I gave him one tablet and a bottle. He takes it and gulps down.

He opens his arms again.

I smiled and went to sit in his lap again. He caged me in his hold. I didn't complain when his hold got strong a little.

He keeps his head on my shoulder and tears keep flowing from his eyes. I hate looking at him like this. How much he has suffered? And all these two years?

He sniffed "s-sorry, I am. I am sorry I am broke now. If you don't want me I a-accept."

"Stop! I am still here and never going anywhere. Now relax" I ordered.

He is the baby now.

I started massaging his shoulders and soon he drifted off to sleep. I smiled softly and cleaned his face with my hands. I didn't realise he hurt this much for so long time.

"I don't show but I love you a lot"
He slurred in his sleep.

I pushed him softly on the bed and cover him with the covers. I looked at his face and sighed "what I will do with you hyung?"

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