All yours [WLW story]

Cheater cheater

Lynn stormed inside her house, slamming the door on her way in. Not even caring to lock it, not caring about the fact that it made a cracking noise. She didn't meant to be aggressive, but a worn out door-hinge was not the biggest worry on her mind right now. Her mind was racing with a combination of emotions, not being able to dwell on a single one because they came in seconds like fragments of broken glass, racing back and forth from her mind to her body and soul. Sadness, anxiousness, stress, surprise, happiness, worry, anger. She didn't know who she was anymore, let alone how she felt about it. But she knew one thing. She had kissed Charlotte. And she would be lying is she said she didn't enjoy it.

meg saw her on her way in and immediately ran to her with her tail up high, purring against her leg. The cat had grown to love her owner, especially when she fed her and let her sleep on her bed. Lynn stared down and picked meg up in her arms, holding her like a baby despite her mother's advice not to when she was eight. The cat purred happily and snuggled against her chest, eyes closed and tail moving a little bit. Lynn wished she was a cat. She wished to be anything but herself in that moment. Because of what she just became.

She was a cheater. It was only just a kiss, if it had meant nothing to her she wouldn't feel as guilty. But it had significance, and plenty. Those mere seconds one someone else's lips had felt like heaven and hell. One after the other. Lynn was pacing back and forth in her living room, ignoring the confused looks she got from meg.

No, no, no, no no nononononoo nonononknnndkdbejejjdbdn. Arghhh. Her thoughts had stopped making sense. She was angry. At Charlotte. At Luke. At Andrea. At meg. At her car. At anything she could think of to redirect the anger she was feeling towards herself. Whyyyyyyyyuugh. She kept repeating. She loved Andrea, she did. But she also loved Charlotte. And she knew it. She had been repressing those feelings because she didn't want to think about not being with Andrea. Ugh. Why is love so complicated. She wanted to bang her head against a wall. Repeatedly.

"Why am I so stupid!?" She yelled. She shouldn't have kissed Charlotte. But she wanted to do it again. It wasn't helping that she couldn't stop thinking about Andrea's lips on her, and I don't necessarily mean on her mouth. Stupid girls with their soft lips, and bright eyes, and nice thighs, and ugh. Fuck them.

She had to tell Andrea. If she didn't let her know the guilt would consume her until she died. But if she did tell her, Andrea would probably hate her forever, and break up with her and she would lose such an amazing person in her life. t was a lose-lose situation. No option was better than the other.

She was going to tell Andrea, when she was ready. She just wanted to rest now. She took a quick summer hot shower, scrubbing her skin raw, not sure if it from the anger or as a subconscious way of self-punishing. She slipped into a loose tee and boxers only. She grabbed her mp3 player, her favorite possession other than her guitar, they both had the capacity for limitless music. Lynn laid on the floor, closed her eyes and pressed play.

Yeah, you sure broke my heart last week when you said you had slept with him.

'Cheater cheater best friend eater' by Never Shout Never started playing with it's stupid timing. The universe conspired against this girl, I swear. Lynn screamed and threw the mp3 to her side, luckily landing on the couch. Still on the floor she felt like crying, feeling like the most horrible person on earth. Andrea didn't deserve this. And even if she had kissed back, Charlotte didn't either. Lynn knew she felt guilty too.

She decided she had to talk to someone about it. Not Luke, he wasn't understanding. Not Charlotte, she didn't even know id she would be able to face her the next day. And Andrea wasn't even considered. She had to get a therapist or something. Either that or she was going to paint a face on a volleyball, call it Wilson II, and use it as a therapist who wouldn't charge. No way, I'm still not completely insane. She had to think of someone. Someone who would listen, who wouldn't judge and had nothing to do with the situation.

"Mom?" She spoke into the phone, leaving a voicemail, since her mother wasn't answering. Being almost 2 am Lynn didn't blame her, but she had to get this of her chest. Lynn sighed, being as dramatic as possible. "I'm a dirty cheater and I don't deserve these two wonderful girls in my life."

Lynn recounted every little detail that had led to that equal parts dreadful and wonderful kiss, and how she felt about each of them. She didn't know how long the call lasted, she just felt so much better after it ended. Her mom would call back when she heard it, and tell her the best advice to make her feel better, without judging. Lynn simply knew it. Her mom was cool like that.

She had been talking out loud on the phone, almost on the verge of tears. But it was hard for her to cry. Since she was a little girl she almost never cried, not if someone was watching or hearing she wouldn't. She had been facing the wall, leaning against it during the entire phone call, ignoring everything around her.

"You fucking cheater" A female voice called from behind her.