Dead By The River (TDDT Story)

Chapter 10: Wants To See You

I looked at my father right in to his eyes, as I saw that he seemed to have a very dark look on his face, as I could tell that he was angry right now, all at the exact same time too, as I knew that I did not like my father when he was angry either, all at the exact same time as well, as I breathed in quite a bit heavily to my self, all at once, as I did my best to try to get my mind, and to try to get my focus off of all of those other thoughts, all at once.
Was my father angry at me? I had not done any thing to him, but then again, it felt like my father had been getting angry at me a lot as of late, which I also knew that a lot of that was also my fault none the less, as I knew that I had kind of been doing things that had been getting him angry, as I knew that some times I did those things on purpose, and other times, it was just accidental.
I did in fact how ever, even when it was an accident, know as to just why it was that my father got angry at me, all at the exact same time too, but in this case, I was not all too sure as to just what it was that he would be angry at, at all this time, as it kind of made me gulp a bit of some spit down my throat, as I did my best to try to stay as calm as I felt like I possibly could right now, all at the exact same time too.
He had said some thing about Kristin, if I had to guess, based off of the fact that he had brought up a narcissist, as he was usually talking about her when he said things such as that, all at the exact same time too. It was not only just that how ever, but it was also the fact that I knew that she was here with us, and she was the one that had brought me in, in the very first place any ways, and as far as I knew, she might have brought my father in.
I wanted to stand up, such as I usually did for my girl friend, all at the exact same time as well, to let him know that he should not talk about her that way, as I was in love with her. But right now, I was not all too sure if that were a good idea or not, as I was not all too sure if I was in fact in love with her or not. The smile that she had on her face, when she had made out with some other dude... That kind of upset me, and it got me quite a bit sick.
I breathed in quite a bit to my self, all at once, as I did my best to try to stay as calm as I possibly could, all at the exact same time too, as I then all of the sudden just shook my head quite a bit to my self, all at once, as I then all of the sudden kind of gave up on fighting all of this, all at the exact same time as well, as I then all of the sudden sat down on the ground, on the other side of the room from my father.
Perhaps I should have listened to my father, and I should have known that he was right. I felt so heart broken right now, as it had felt like I had been waiting for her touch for so long, only to just get stabbed in the back by her, after we had sex just last night, none the less. It hurt me so much, and I was not all too sure as to just what it was that I should do about it right now, as I kind of wanted to slam my hand in the wall, and break it, but I did not do as such a thing.
I simply just grunted a little bit, and I then began to start to laugh all of the sudden, all at once, as I then all of the sudden just looked at my father, as I saw that he seemed to have quite a bit of a confused look on his face right now, all at the exact same time as well, as to just what it was that I was even doing right now, as though I saw his head tilted over towards me, I could still clearly tell, clear as day, that he was in fact very angry with me right now, all at the exact same time too.
I breathed in quite a bit to my self, all at once, as I then all of the sudden just looked away from my father all of the sudden. I felt like I could not look at him any more, or for any longer, because I knew, as much as I hated to say it, and in such a topic like that one that it kind of felt like we were on right now, I knew that he was in fact right with what it was that he had just said, and just what it was that he had always tried to warn me about.
I almost just wanted to lay my head down, and just cry, but I once again did not do as such a thing like that, as I knew that for one thing I was not a coward, and I was not going to do as such a thing in the very first place any ways, all at the exact same time as well, but also there was the fact that I just did not want to even think on this for any longer than I had to, all at the exact same time too.
I just seemed to just stare at the blank wall that was in front of me for quite a bit of some time, as I did my best to try to stay as calm as it felt like I possibly could, all at the exact same time too, as I then all of the sudden began to start to hear the voice of my father begin to start to speak to me once again, which kind of felt like it was the last voice that I really even wanted to hear right now, to remind me once again, as to just how much of an idiot it was that I had been to put any trust in her.
I just seemed to stare at the wall for a little bit longer, until I then all of the sudden began to start to hear my father let out quite a bit of a heavy sigh to me, all at once, which for some reason all of the sudden began to start to enrage me for some reason, all at the exact same time as well, as I then all of the sudden did in fact turn my head back over to my father, all at the exact same time as well, as I then all of the sudden began to start to squint my eyes over towards him, never the less.
My father seemed to be a little bit confused as to just what it was that I was doing right now, but I did not care about him right now, as I was just too angry to even think about any thing right at this very moment in time as well, as I then all of the sudden began to start to yell loudly to him, as if that felt like the louder it was that I yelled to him, he would in fact get it through his thick skull, as to just what it was that I was even saying to him, in the very first place any ways, never the less.
"Oh! You are just going to pretend to me like you didn't trust her either? How did you get locked up in here huh? How did she find out about where it was that we were at?!" I began to start to almost screech to him, as I did not care if any of the other near by inmates heard a single word as to just what it was that I was telling to my father in the very first place any ways, as it just kind of felt like life was point less, and it was all use less to me now.
If I was going to be for real with my self... There really was nothing else that I had left in me any more, as it felt like I had lost all that I cared for, and all that I loved. I had lost any chance that I had at a future now, all at the exact same time too, as I just wanted to give up on every thing. I just wanted to kill my self if I was going to be for real with my self, so that it would put an end to all of this pain, and all of this misery.
It felt like the last year or so had just been a dream for me up to this point, as none of this seemed to be real at all for me, all at the exact same time too, as this really just all seemed to be quite a bit of a foggy memory. Hell... If this was a dream, than it must be a nightmare, as it felt like every single thing, and every single situation that I got in to, always went the wrong way, and the opposite way that I wanted things to go, all at the exact same time too.
It reminded me of a couple things that my grand father had used to tell me, or preach to me, as he liked to call it, as I remembered that he had in fact told me that I should not ever think about suicide, of ever think about killing my self, as he had told me that it was the first path straight down to hell. I almost wanted to laugh at it, if I was not in so much pain, and so much anger right now.
Hell... Haha... That must be some sort of joke to me... Clearly there was no God! There was no Christ that came to save us all when the world had ended, such as it already had. Then it also reminded me of another thing that he had told me, which was the fact that he had told me that at some point I had to face the reality, and I had to face the fact that life was going to be like this the rest of my life for me, and that I needed to get used to it.
He had told me that I had a lot worse ahead than I had already lost. I thought that he was joking, and I had not really taken it seriously as to just what it was that he had even said to me in the very first place any ways, but now I did in fact kind of wish that I had, due to the fact that I wish that I could have seen some thing like this coming. How could I have though? I had presumed that Kristin was dead...
Now I just felt dead... A lot of things just felt dead for me now, as I felt like I almost wanted to give up, all at the exact same time as well, as I felt like I just wanted to put my cards in, and just forfeit this evil game of life that I had to live. Why could I just not have died like the millions of other people had? Why did I have to live... If I would have died, than maybe I would have had a chance to get in to that so called place that my father and my grand father liked to call heaven.
I was a better person before then, but now, I was not all too sure, as it felt like I had kind of reached my dark side, all at the exact same time as well. My grand father claimed that it was Satan who did stuff like that, but I still was not all too sure about that at all either, as I just shook my head, and I did my best to try to get my mind, and to try to get my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts, all at the exact same time too.
If I had died like the rest of the people, and there was no such thing as a God like every one tried to claim to me that there was, than at least it would mean that my peace would be in the eternal abyss. I felt sick, as I did my best to try to get my mind, and to try to get my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts, all at the exact same time as well, as I once again heard the voice of my father, all at the exact same time as well, that seemed to get my mind off of all of it.
This time, instead of me turning my head over to my father, and yelling to him, interrupting as to just what it was that he even had to say to me in the very first place any ways, I instead turned my head over to my father, and I then looked at him right in to his eyes, all at the exact same time as well, as I got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of the rest of what it was that my head had been spinning on before, as I saw him nod to me this time, to make sure that I was paying attention to him, none the less.
I kind of rolled my eyes over towards him a bit, for just a few moments, as I really did not want to hear what it was that he was about to even say to me in the very first place any ways, as I felt like it would be more truth about Kristin that I just did not want to hear. I suppose I really did not have much of any other choice but to listen how ever, sadly enough. I let out a bit of a soft sigh to my self, all at once, as I then did in fact begin to start to go on ahead and nod back to him, all at the exact same time too, to let him know that I was in fact paying my full attention to him right now, never the less.
Once it was that my father had seen me do as such a thing like that, it seemed to calm him down a little bit some how, and it seemed to sooth him a bit, as if I had not blown up on him a few moments before hand. I got my mind off of those thoughts how ever, as I just began to start to hear my father speak to me all at once, as I then did in fact begin to start to listen as to just what it was that he had to say to my angry self right now, in the very first place any ways, none the less.
"Look... I'm sorry... I just... I was so worried about my father... I couldn't find any medicine, and she found me, and told me that they had some back at their camp... I didn't know that their camp meant this..." He said to me, as it was clear that he was now admitting to me that he had in fact trusted her, all at the exact same time as well, which I felt like I wanted to be upset at him for, but I really felt like I could not be upset at him for it at all, what so ever, as I just simply seemed to start to breath in quite a bit heavily to my self, all at once, as I just stared at my father right in to his eyes, as I saw quite a bit of a look of some guilt in his eyes, all at the exact same time as well. I did my best to just try to calm my self down, as I relaxed my self, all at once, as I stopped squeezing my fist, all at once. Once it was that my father did in fact clearly see that I was now calm, he then did in fact begin to start to speak to me, just as he had done before, as I tilted my head, a little bit lost as to just what it was that he had to say to me. I blinked my eyes a few times, as I did in fact begin to start to listen as to just what it was that he had to say to me once again. "Is my father okay... At least tell me that they are getting him some medicines... They did promise me that..."
I stared at my father with quite a bit of a blank look on my eyes, all at once, as to just what it was that he had even said to me in the very first place any ways, all at same time too. I was not all too sure as to just what it was that he had said to me, as for some reason at first, I actually had a bit of some hope on just what it was that he had said to me in the very first place any ways, that was of course, until I then all of the sudden began to start to remember that my grand father had not come back with me and Kristin what so ever, all at the exact same time as well, sadly enough, once again.
I looked at my father with that same blank look that I had on my face before hand, for just a little bit longer, until I then all of the sudden just dropped my head straight to the ground, as the blank look that I had on my face before now, had now all of the sudden turned in to a guilty look, even though I knew that there was nothing that I could have done to have helped my grand father what so ever, all at the exact same time as well.
I still felt bad about it either way, as I just got my mind, and I got my focus off of all of the rest of those other thoughts, all at once, as I then all of the sudden began to start to just lay my head down on the ground, all at the exact same time too, as it seemed like my father was not even going to respond to what it was that I had even said to him just a few moments ago, all at the exact same time too, as I just shook my head, and I just got my mind off of all of that, all at once.
I just shook my head a bit to my self, as I laid my head down and the strong tile floor that was below me, all at once, as I felt so worn out, mostly due to the fact that my body was still trying to recover from the big ass hit that I had taken at first, in the very first place any ways, as I just shook my head, and I began to start to close my eyes, as it did not take me all too long for me to fall asleep, right after that.