I gasped when he turned us, pressing us against the hard wall and wrapped my leg around his waist. His body began grinding against mine, our tongues clashing in a fierce battle for dominance and submission. He won, of course.
When it came to Aaron...
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~ few hours earlier
I kept my breathing steady, imitating the soft sounds of sleep to not disturb Aaron. He had fallen asleep only ten minutes, wrapping me in his warm embrace which made it harder to tear myself away from him.
Carefully, I folded my side of the bed, making sure the blanket was tucked over his body. He looked so angelic asleep. His full pouting lips parted slightly, mess of black curls grazing his eyebrows, and his soft smooth skin illuminated by the moonlight that beamed in.
It was crazy how this could be viewed as anything other than perfect. I had seen his soft side, the calming gentle persona he only ever showed to me, Caitlin and Stasia.
Then there was his devil act. It was ruthless, cunning, violent. All the things you needed to be in this fucked in world. Now I needed to adopt the same. To unlock the darkest parts of myself always screaming to be let out.
I wrote the letters first. Unleashing all my emotional catharsis through the scripture of words.
Words held more meaning than anything else. That's why I was saying goodbye through writing, because these letters allowed me to express everything I need to stay without the disruption of my own tongue betraying me.
I wrote one for my family, addressing all my brothers and parents individually. Then another for Tessa. She was Anastasia's godmother so if anything went wrong I needed her to be there for Stasia. I talked her through Stasia's nighttime routine, the book she needs to read, how to handle dating and most importantly Aaron.
If I was gone, someone needed to look out for him. I knew Tristan would be there too, but he needed my voice emanated through Tessa.
Caitlin got one. I found myself brushing away tears whilst writing it. The paper damp from he fresh saltiness. Then Anastasia's. I basically confined an entire life's worth of advice into one piece of paper. She would only read it when she was older of course. I just hope if she ever did she would remember how much I love her, she would understand I had to do this.
Finally Aaron.
Most of it was my explanation for doing this. Hopefully I returned home safe and he forgave me and we live happy every after. If not...I just hope he understands. I tell him how much I love him, how he changed my life and made me a better person deep down. I seal each one, and leave the note I hastily constructed that told him I was gone on the counter, whilst stashing the others in the top drawer of his desk.
When he was calmer, after he had time to think, then he would find him. Only then.
I was dressed in jeans and a black top. I didn't know what seemed appropriate for the day you most likely died so I stuck with what I knew. My phone was useless. I knew the address, how to get there and what time. It had all been documented by Mikhail in the message which then ordered me to destroy my phone after.
