A Reason to Exist

Chapter 28

I began my Indonesian homework, my least favourite subject. I couldn't wait until I could give it up at the end of the year. I scrolled through the worksheet we'd been given. The words appeared before me without meaning, floating across my screen in a blur. I got distracted before I'd even started and opened my emails.

I was surprised to see a message from Tucker King in my inbox. I clicked on the message:

'Got your contact from Zuri. Who doesn't have a phone in this day and age? Old school. Off-grid. I'm rambling. What I'm really wanting to say is I can't stop thinking about you. Wish we got to have that kiss. Saturday night?'

New stars appeared in the constellation of my longing.

I typed back: 'I can't stop thinking about you too. I wish it was Saturday night already. I want your sweet kisses so bad.' Send.

I sat there, pressing the refresh button twenty million times, each time becoming less and less sure of the message I just sent. I should've taken my time and thought through my response more. What if he's changed his mind since 4.27pm when he sent his message? What if I took too long to respond? My message wasn't even clear. I didn't even say yes I'm coming to the Saturday night question. Sweet kisses? Who wants sweet kisses? What if he likes rough kisses or soft kisses or sensual kisses. Sweet kisses? Have I totally put him off me already?

Love is stupid. Uncertainty wheezed in my breath. I hit refresh again and again, damning myself each and every time for responding so hastily.

I was almost certain the whole thing was over before it'd even begun when I saw his name pop up again in my inbox. The message was: 'You are my raison d'être.'

Huh? I was supposedly learning Indonesian. This looked like French. I copied and pasted 'raison d'être' into Google and this came up as a definition: 'a reason to be; a reason to exist'.

I am his reason to exist? He feels as strongly as I do. An outbreak of love is an infectious disease and we are both contaminated. Lock us away together in quarantine so we can incubate the dawn of our emotional being.

I lay on my bed, looking up at the ceiling and smiled. Tucker King you have introduced the most pure love into my heart and I am forever grateful. I was wrong to lose faith in love. When it feels this powerful, it has to exist. You are my raison d'être.