A Reason to Exist

Chapter 33

In the Uber, Zuri said 'Are you all right? I thought you were about to have another panic attack.'

'I thought I was about to have one again too,' I said. 'It's watching Tucker doing risky things ... I don't know, it triggers this intense response in me because I like him so much. I feel panicky thinking he's going to hurt himself.'

'But that's who he is,' Zuri said, looking at her phone screen.

'Huh?'

'Like that's his thing, that's what he does. That's probably what attracted you to him in the first place. He's the opposite to you, and you found that attractive.' I stared at my friend, at her dark curly hair and pierced nose, and wondered when did she become so wise. She'd pieced together all the fragments of my feelings.

'So what do I do?'

'You have to let him do his thing without freaking out.'

I heard his body smacking to the ground again. I didn't know if I could not freak out. 'What if I can't?'

'Then you'll destroy anything you've got together. He's the kind of guy who'll hate being held back. He's a free spirit.'

'I know.'

'And that's what you love about him. You can blame your mum. It's because she's taught you to fear everything. It's rubbed off on you. And now you've fallen in love with the most fearless guy in Melbourne.'

'It's not going to work, is it?' I asked, raising my palms from my lap. 'We're doomed, aren't we?'

'You can make it work if you really want to,' Zuri said. 'You have to trust that he knows what to do with his body. You have to trust he's going to be okay.'

I touched my wooden bracelet to reassure myself.

'That was a really shit party,' Zuri said.

'It wasn't just me who thought that?'

'No, that place was shit. Too many alpha males showing off. No one was there to be social. It was all "look at me". I can't stand it when guys get together and behave like that. Girls don't even exist. They're just guys out to impress each other. It's weird.'

'So disappointing,' I said, looking at the back of the head of our Uber driver.

'I was looking forward to tonight all week, and it was such an anti-climax,' Zuri said. 'So funny how there were almost no girls there. They all knew to stay away. We're getting home early. Mum and dad are going to be shocked.'

Her phone beeped. 'It's Tucker,' she said.

'What's he saying?'

She read the message aloud: 'Are you still here?'

'Just say we had to go. Tell him I'll speak to him tomorrow. Maybe say it's all fine. Don't tell him I freaked out or anything.'

Zuri double thumb typed: 'All good had to get home for curfew thanks for inviting us Macy will chat to you tomorrow.' She paused and tilted her head, 'Is that okay?'

'Sounds good.'

'Send.'