A Reason To Go On

Chapter 7

The next few weeks go by in a blur, Casey and i have established a routine, go to school, avoid seeing Jayden at all costs, come home, Casey stays with me while i deal with the pain from Jayden having his way  with some random slut after school, although some afternoons Jayden isn't in the mood, and i get an afternoon off from the pain, those are normally my favorite days, sad i know but unfortunately true! Ive also found as time goes on Ive been able to handle the pain enough so i don't pass out, don't get me wrong, the pain hasn't lessened, i still feel like someone is stabbing me all over but its more like my body is becoming used to the pain and trying to build a tolerance for it, Casey then leaves, and i try to act normal in front of mum and dad, i then spend the evening doing my homework and then go to bed.

Although Ive established some kind of routine, its still taking its toll on my body, i can barely look in the mirror without feeling ill, Ive lost a lot of weight, when i move my hair away from my face my cheekbones look gaunt, the only reason no one has noticed is because i hide my body under my baggy clothing my face hidden behind my hair. My heart was broken beyond repair weeks back, my spirit is dwindling, but I'm determined not to let Jayden break me completely. My wolf is still with me encouraging me, trying to help me think positive thoughts. I cant shift very often now either, my body is so weak that the pain to shift is almost as excruciating at the pain of Jayden sleeping around. My wolf understands though, she says i need to try an reserve my energy.

We've finally broken up from school for Christmas break, and I'm relieved that i don't have to get out off bed as early now, Casey has arranged to come over today so we can go Christmas shopping, to be honest i don't know what i would have done without her these past few weeks. I know shes worried about me, shes the only one that knows everything that's going on, shes been trying to encourage me to speak to my mum and dad, or even Alpha Roaul, but i just don't want to. I'm still embarrassed that i was so foolish and whats the point? Its not like they can do anything about it, I'm not even sure if the Alpha would believe me anyway, i know he likes me and i felt like we bonded over the summer, but this is his precious son we are talking about, the one that walks on water and who is saving himself for his mate. Even if he did believe me i don't think i would want the Alpha to know what a disappointment his son actually is, the Alpha and the Luna are such nice people, and Alpha Raoul truly believes his son is desperate to find his mate, this was why he was separated from his wife and mate all summer, which apparently separation from your mate is quiet tough on your wolves, all so Jayden could try to find his mate. And the worst part is, rather then taking this opportunity seriously Jayden basically spent the summer sleeping around different girls in different pack, while his mum was oblivious, thinking he was just making 'new friends'.

I hear Casey downstairs talking to my mum, grabbing my bag and checking i have my purse i head downstairs to meet her. Keeping my head down trying to make a quick exist i pull Casey to the door telling my mum we would see her later "Alexia wait a second i need a word with you" my mum shouts just as we are about to get in the car, i turn around still looking at the floor "Would you like us to pick you up something while we are out?" I ask her, assuming that's the only reason she could have stopped us, as i informed her and dad last week that Casey and i were going Christmas shopping today. "No actually i just wanted to let you know that we've been invited to Alpha Roaul's New Years Eve party, so i thought that you could get something nice to wear for it while you are shopping". I thought i was literally going to stop breathing, Ive avoided going to the pack house at all costs, i only go once a month to the pack meeting, which is bad enough considering Jayden is there, but as i sit right at the back and hes upfront with his father, i avoid looking at him, and as soon as the meeting is over i make an excuse and leave. Going to a party when he's definitely going to be there plus most the school, would be torture. I feel my shoulder being nudged and look to see Casey looking at me with a 'your mum is waiting for an answer look', i look at my mum and sure enough shes waiting for my response. "I don't have enough money for a new outfit, so ill probably just stay at home" is my quick response. My mum thrusts something in my hand, i look down to find her credit card "Buy something nice on my card, the whole pack will be at the party, so there's no way to get out of it, Casey will be going too" I look at Casey and she just looks confused, i guess her parents hadn't told her about the party yet, i just nod my head at my mum, because there's not really a good excuse i can think of right now for not attending the party, and get in the car.

Entering the mall, i realize just how busy it is, I'm kicking myself for agreeing to come now, as i really hate large crowds, but knowing that Casey has been looking forward to this trip all week i keep quiet. "So what are you going to do about going to the party?" Casey asks stepping into Maggie's gift Shop, "I m not really sure what i can do about it, if mum has decided I'm going there's not a lot i can do, you know whats shes like if shes got her mind made up. I just need to find something to wear that doesn't highlight my weight loss, i cant have my mum worrying about me on top everything else". Leaving Casey to browse the shop on my own, i make my way to the jewellery section, i wanted to get something special for Casey for Christmas as a thank you, i view quiet a few necklaces, but none seem to scream that Casey would love it, I'm about to give up when i come across a beautiful charm bracelet, picking it up i decide it would be perfect for her, it already has a heart charm on it, and when I'm trying to discreetly pay so Casey doesn't see it, Maggie quickly shows me some more charms that she has, i spot a wolf charm, and buy that also. Waiting for Casey to finish we then go into various shops, finding gifts for our parents. I buy my brother a new CD as well, and i also find a dress for the party, that actually doesn't look that bad on. Casey's dress is better than mine, and i try not to be too envious of my best friends body. After we are all shopped out we head home, I'm feeling really tired and don't even make it to the end of the road before Ive fallen asleep.