A Reason To Go On

Chapter 17

Alexia's POV

Keeping my eyes closed, i allow myself a few more minutes before letting who ever is in the room know I'm awake. I can hear someone moving around the room so i remain still and keep my breathing even. I'm not sure if i want to face my mum or dad yet, i mean telling me i had a baby, are they serious? I'm sure i would have known if i was pregnant, maybe the lack of sleep they've been getting has made them delusional? I cant of had a baby, its just not possible, is it?

Opening my eyes after Ive sorted out some of my thoughts, I'm immediately engulfed in a bone crushing hug from my mum, I'm not sure whats got into her, she just doesn't seem to be able to stop hugging me. "Alexia are you ok? you passed out and have been asleep for a day and a half. I thought you were going to slip into another coma".  I guess i still need to rest and recover if I'm sleeping this much. "Sorry mum, I'm not sure why i slept so long, i didn't mean to worry you" i reply. "Its ok baby, the doctor said it was because you were in shock and your body just couldn't handle big news, and so shut down to allow you to rest" she states. Big news? So shes still sticking to this baby story then? "mum about what dad said, its not possible, i wasn't even pregnant, so how do you expect me to believe Ive suddenly had a baby? I was intimate with HIM seven months ago, and doesn't it take like nine months to have a baby?" i ask. "Oh hunny, i know this is a lot to process for you" she says. "The baby came early because your body was so weak, that's why you blacked out because you lost a lot of blood. The Doctor had to perform an emergency cesarean on you, surely you've noticed that your stomach is tender?" Well obviously id noticed that, but its not like i thought it had anything to do with a baby. "The baby was really small when he was born but hes doing much better now. I know you don't want to discuss Jayden, but hes been with him everyday. It pains me to say anything nice about him at the moment, after everything hes done to you, but hes really stepped up and is taking his responsibility seriously". Jayden's been looking after it? He didn't even want a mate, but apparent a baby is fine for him. "Do you want to meet your son Alexia?" i look at my mum with apprehension, do i want to meet it? Ive only got a couple of months left at school and then i would be free, this could totally ruin my plans! Yet another reason for me to hate Jayden, this is all his fault. I just nod my head at my mum and watch her leave the room. Would i still be able to go to college? i know you might think I'm being selfish but going to college is all Ive dreamt about, i suffered in silence, with one goal in mind, escaping Jayden forever.

As I'm sat thinking of what my life might become i hear the door open, my mum has a small bundle in her arms, i notice something black sticking out the top of the blanket. My mum comes closer and turn to bundle slightly so i can have a better look. I notice its got black hair like mum, and i immediately state this to her. After speaking it opens its eyes, and immediately i notice its like looking at a miniature version of Jayden, the eyes i fell in love with that rejected me so cruelly are staring back at me, its lip moves slightly up on one side of its face like its trying to smirk at me. I instantly remember Jayden and Harmony kissing and his smirking face when he realized that i was watching. Tears stream down my eyes, too many memories are coming back and none of them are good. "Hunny are you ok? do you want to hold him? you also need to decide on a name? we were waiting for you to wake up" my mum continues talking but i start blocking her out, do i want to hold it? I think about it and i cant say i do, the thing in my mums arms is too painful to look at, i just want to get my life back on track, and looking at its face, will always remind me of a time in my life i want to forget. I'm not going to let Jayden ruin my life anymore than he already has "Mum stop talking, take it away i don't want to look at it". She looks shocked at my comment, but i cant muster up the emotions to care, the thing is still looking at me expectantly and i feel numb. "Alexia....." she trails of, unsure on what else to say, "Get it away from me NOW" i scream at her, i see her debating with herself on what to do, but seeing the determination in my eyes she nods and leaves the room. I cant believe this is happening to me, whats so special about that thing that Jayden can love it but not me? While I'm trying to sort out a solution to this problem i hear my mum come back in, she slowly walks over to my bed and sits down beside me "I know this is a shock Alexia, we were all shocked too, but you need to deal with this. That baby needs a mum, as i said earlier Jayden has been great but he needs both of you" she tries to encourage. I ignore most of her speech as a plan forms in my head "mum i need to speak to Jayden", she looks shocked at my request i guess she wasn't expecting that to come out of my mouth. "Also i need dad here when he comes, so both of you are present". She still looks unsure on why i need them here, but agrees and leaves to make the arrangements. I lay back down and gather the courage needed to face Jayden, i never wanted to see him again but to sort this situation out unfortunately i need him here.

A while later the door opens and in walks my mum and dad followed by Jayden, i only spare him a glance, and notice he has his head down looking at the floor. I guess i still repulsive him and he still cant bare the thought of looking at me. Normally this thought would upset me but to be honest the feeling is mutual now anyway so i don't let it get to me. I ask them all to take a seat, and notice mum and dad sit on one side of me while Jayden is at the other, trying to keep as much distance from each other as possible. I'm about to speak when Jayden opens his mouth "Alexia i just want to say I'm so sorry for everything Ive done to you, i didn't know that you would be in pain! You have to believe me i would never have done it had i known". He tries to continue talking but i raise my hand to indicate that he needs to stop, he compiles immediately. If he would have given me that speech six months ago i would have been ecstatic, but now its too little too late as far as I'm concerned.

"Ive asked you all here so that i don't have to repeat myself on what I'm about to say, Ive had a chance to think and made a decision" looking at my parents first i continue "I'm sorry mum and dad i never meant for this to happen, i promise you i never knew i was pregnant" the both nod at me and my mum gives me a reassuring smile. I look over at Jayden now, i really don't want to but i need to know he understands what I'm saying and the only way to do that is by looking at him. "Jayden, mum has told me you've been taking care of it very well" he actually looks me in the eyes after my comment, he looks so happy and very proud with himself. "But, i will never forgive you for what you did to me" his face falls immediately but i continue on "When mum brought it in earlier all i could see was you, and i cant get over these feelings, so Ive decided to give you it, as your already attached to it, i want nothing to do with it. I never want to see either of you again".

After Ive finished i hear gasps around the room everyone looks at me like Ive grown an extra head, but i don't care, i wont change my mind. I'm not going to let Jayden ruin any more of my life, i need to start living for me, and if that means being selfish once in my life then so be it.