Alpha's Captive (Now censored)

23-Fetch

As I slid down the pillar to sit on the ground, shaken, tired, bruised neck and out of breath. I couldn't help but drop my head on my knees and take a good look at the life I've made for myself this week, Killian had walked out, saying nothing else but "Go find who you want to "spend the day with"", and he said "Spend the day with" with the most stretched out, condescending tone he could muster, meaning "Go find Julia and try to run with her, see what happens!"

A random thought crossed my mind instantly, a fact actually, one I've been trying very hard not to face:

Kelsey was so much better than I was.

See, the difference between us is that she shot Collin when he was about to rape me. That, right there, sets us apart. When faced with having to run David over while escaping the basement, I asked him to move first.

I asked. What an idiot. In a life or death situation, I still let my conscious dictate my behavior.

I hesitated. I was scared. Shaken to the core. Kelsey never asked Collin to get away from me or else. She simply pulled the trigger. She pushed Marshall down those stairs, took his gun and came to find me. She didn't come to play. She saw what needed to be done, and just did it.

Was it the immaturity in her that gave her that particular strength? Was she simply too young and unconscious to understand what she was doing?

I remember once dad told me courage breeds from ignorance. The more you overthink, the frightened you are.

Would I have acted as fierce had I been 13?

No. That didn't apply to me. 13 years old me wouldn't even try to run from the basement. 13 year old me would be dead by now.

...I was weak.

I was now uncertain, maybe, just maybe, had I let her run the whole operation, we would've both made it out.

Instead, I took the gun from her. Took charge of the situation. Not because I was older and wiser, but because I felt the need to act in charge. I was proud of her, yet my ego was undeniably bruised that she saved me so easily, and I got her killed.

I needed to be like her. Killian had left his guard down in front of me on so many occasions. I had never managed to muster the courage to hurt him, better yet, I didn't even like that idea. Kelsey would've had his head on a spike by now.

So now, what would Kelsey do?

For a start, Kelsey would never kiss him..

It was decided right then and there: I was going to avidly reject and avoid every kiss from him. Intimate moments between us were making this urge to be with him stronger. If this goes on, I would be absolutely unable to stay away.

I sighed.

Kelsey was superior. Kelsey would've fit right in with these wolves.

She was feral and fearless. I, on the other hand, was attracted to him?

I was fucked up.

Something was wrong with me. Big time.

I walked out of the suite. Acting on Killian's words. He said to go find who I wanted to hang with. Did he think I was going to sit down and abandon ship?

I got Kelsey killed, but I wasn't going to make the same mistakes with Julia, I know how things work now, I'm in another headspace, a hopeful one.

All this time, I was thinking "It could be worse", but I should have been thinking "it could be better".

As I passed by Killian's office door, something in me urged me to twist the knob, get inside and just go back to sitting on his lap like a good girl. I shook it off quickly.