Loving Flynn (Cali/New York Men Series)

Chapter 16 - Flynn & Ellie

I'm a fucking asshole; no, that word is too fucking lenient for me. I'm a dick. A callosal C U Next Tuesday.

I pushed away the woman who made every day fucking better and watched as my words broke her.

Every one a fucking lie.

She hasn't been to work once since leaving me in the hospital, nor have I.

The doctor told me I needed to rest, so I've been working from home. That is probably not what he meant, but I have a company to fucking run, and everything has already been pushed back due to what happened.

I don't know if Ellie is coming back. I fucked up so bad that she hasn't spoken to anyone besides Tina.

I know she lied about why she couldn't come in; she said she needed to help her aunt in Maine and would be gone for a few weeks.

It's bullshit because I hired someone to ensure she was safe and okay.

And Ellie's been here the entire time, hauled away in her apartment. Her best friend Ava comes and goes now and again when she comes to town.

I shouldn't be checking on her, but how can I not? It wasn't meant to be this way.

But what was I supposed to say to her?

My heart doesn't fucking work properly, and I don't know if I'll have a heart attack again and die, so I can't be with you. I can't let myself fall for you to leave you alone one day.

I'd been cleared to fly to California, and I called in a favour with Tina and made sure she had Ellie on a flight there. Not knowing I'd be joining her once she landed. I need to see her. But more importantly, I need her to succeed. This was all her hard work, and my mistakes shouldn't taint it. She deserves this. So now I pace the floor over and over. Her flight landed forty minutes ago. She should be here by now, and in that second, as though I summon her, Ellie walks into the room we now have to share; she's breath-taking. Her hair is down, wavy, and not a stitch of makeup coats her skin. She's so fucking beautiful. And I don't miss the way her eyes are rimmed red. Her face pales, and I want to kick myself. I should have asked for another room. I knew that there was only one bed. Even if she didn't realise I was going to be here. I should have been a good guy and let her have this room to herself and get myself my own. But I'm not a good guy, and I stand as she stares blankly at me. I'm sure she is trying to regulate her emotions and figure out why I'm standing before her.

The big bed causes the room temperature to reduce. she sweeps her gaze behind me and then back to my face. Her eyes were averting my gaze. There are so many things I want to do at this moment. To walk toward her. To pull her against me. To run in the opposite direction and leave her be. But I can't, and the one thing that runs through my mind repeatedly is what I could do with Ellie on this bed. She's so close, her perfume wafts in the air, and my chest tightens. I think about how my name had fallen from her perfect fucking mouth with every orgasm I gave her. The pleasure we could elicit if given a chance again. If I hadn't shattered her.

I watch as she takes in the situation, her hands wringing the handles of her handbag. Ellie bites her bottom lip and furrows her brow. She's nervous about being in the same space as me, and rightly so. When she booked this arrangement, we were together, and now we fucking weren't. She feels uneasy, and I'm a bastard for wanting to hold her even though I'm the reason she's in pain.

I want to touch her, but I can't. I won't let myself. She deserves someone who can give her a whole life; mine is tainted now.

"Hi," I say, surprised at how small my voice sounds.

"Hi". She replies and clears her throat.

"I didn't know if you would come."

"If I had known you would be here, I would have stayed home."

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't." She bites.

I nod and push my hands into my pockets.

"I'm here now, and unfortunately, this situation-" She says as she points around the room. "Isn't ideal, so I'll ask if they have another room."

"I already did." I rush out. "They don't."

She raises her brow. She's angry.

"Not even one room? It's a massive hotel."

I shrug. "What can I say, the hotel has some big conference this week, and it's taken up all the rooms."

I'm lying. I don't want her to leave.

The truth is i'd pay for every room in this hotel to make sure she doesn't leave, so that she stays with me.

I know she doesn't want to be here. The tension between us is so fucking thick.

I fight internally until I do it.

I move toward her, but she stands frozen.

Our bodies are an inch apart. She smells intoxicating. I fucking missed her.

I touch the small of her back, and she shivers. Fuck. I've missed the feel of her skin. I'm semi-hard already. There has to be something wrong with my dick. I was in the hospital four weeks ago, nearly on my deathbed, and now I'm 15 again. I'm near her, and my body comes alive. Ready to go, and that's fucking embarrassing.

"You can take the bed, Ellie; I'll take the couch."

Ellie

"No!" I say all too loudly and quickly.

I feel my face flush and my cheeks redden. I'm so angry. He had to touch me. I was okay standing on the opposite side of the room to him. Keeping him at a distance, but he has to come into my space.

Space he shouldn't be in. Because he pushed me away, I remember that I'm here for work, and just because he's here doesn't mean I need to give in to the pain I feel just by looking at his face.

So I mask my emotion and feign indifference.

"I mean, no. You're the boss, you take the bed, and I'm smaller, so the couch is fine. It's not like we can share the bed."

I take a step towards the couch, but his words stop me.

"Share with me."

I don't think I've heard correctly. So I turn to Flynn. He's as poised as ever, his eyes hooded, dark. I want to punch him, just as much as I want to say yes, god help me, I want to say yes, and that makes me even more frustrated because the last four weeks have consisted of me eating my weight in ice cream and crying through 70000 boxes of Kleenex.

He raises his eyebrow in question, challenging me. I can't understand how a person can be light and dark, one way and another.

Everyone's scared of him, and right now, so am I because I know his charm, and I'm weak to resist him. His face is hard. He could work on his approach; grumpy seems to be his main aura. But I've seen underneath that. He's sweet, kind, and funny even; that was before he pushed me away.

He doesn't allow many people to know that side of him, but he rips it away just as fast as she gives it.

He steps towards me again; there's enough space separating our bodies, enough for another person, maybe two. But it feels intimate. I feel my nipples harden. I look down and frown. Traitors.

"Share the bed with me, Ellie." How he says my name makes my mind wander to all the dirty places, I've kept locked up for the last four weeks.

"It's a big bed; we won't even know the others there." He says with a shrug, like we're talking about the weather changing or what ice cream flavours the best. Like I haven't seen him naked, felt him thrust inside me, felt his cum drip down my thighs. Only to have him take my heart out of my chest, stomp on it and then repeat the motion.

Pull yourself together, Ellie, but I can feel my head nodding yes even though my mind and body remain frozen. I don't understand what I'm doing anymore. I don't. I can't deny that I still love him. That doesn't just go away, but neither does the pain. Flynn's eyes watch me, but I'm too afraid to move to burst this invisible bubble we've just created. A magnet. Pulling us towards each other when the smartest thing to do is push further away.

Flynn breaks the invisible tether." I'm going to shower quickly before our dinner meeting."

I manage another nod. I watch him retreat into the bathroom and release the breath I didn't know I was holding.